My last post was about learning my pregnancy may not be viable, since then I miscarried and am still very sad about it. I just wanted to reach out to others that may have miscarried and just needed a place to talk (I sure do).
I’m so sorry. My wife and I have never suffered through a miscarriage so I have nothing to share a hug.
My wife and I had a late miscarriage (20 weeks), after we had gotten really excited about the pregnancy and of course shared the news widely (it was our first). It was devastating. It took almost a year to shake that one. Yes, it is good to know that they happen, and that they aren’t all that uncommon. But when it happens to you it can be terrible. I wish you the best. Hang in there.
I had a still birth in the 9th month due to diabetes. I never got any clear cut answers as to what happened. Everyone just kept saying it was the diabetes. It was a blow, believe me. But, I wanted a baby. I got pregnant again within just a few months and had my daughter a year later almost to the day. She is now 26. Two years later, my second daughter was born. She just turned 24.
The point of my story is that it’s sad to lose a baby at any stage of the game, but do not give up. You don’t have to move on it as quickly as I did, but when you are ready it’s definitely worth trying again. You’ll be better prepared the next time. You’ll be a high risk patient. The high risk team will take good care of you.
I feel for you. You are not alone in your loss. It has happened to many before and will happen to many more after. It’s a club no woman wants to be come a member of. Don’t let diabetes be the victor on your quest to become a mother. Best of luck on your journey.
So sorry to hear you’ve miscarried. I miscarried our first and I think the worst part of losing the baby is that you lose all your hopes and dreams. I know that once I found out I was pregnant I started building these castles in the air and it’s hard when they all come crashing down.
But it’s not over! I know pregnancy can be harder with type1, but there are many women here who have gone on to have healthy babies so I hope all the best for you for the future.
Thanks all, I really appreciate the sharing. I think some of it is the amount of prep I put into preparing to become pregnant as well as just being sad and disappointed about the loss. I worked with my doctor for a year before conceiving, driving 2 hours each way to the doctor’s office (the clinic specializes in pregnancy with diabetes). I have a job that can be quite physical at times (I was supposed to take a firefighter physical exam the weekend after I found out I was pregnant!), so balancing blood sugars, performing my job, and just being tired from the pregnancy was challenging, but I was doing it. I know my doctor was very clear about it being so common, I am trying to focus on that, but it is hard not to take it as something I did, especially since sometimes I think I am reluctant to share because of the diabetes.
I’m 38 also, about to be 39, got married late and tried to get myself into a good spot career-wise to be able to take time off, and am now just feeling that pressure. To add on top of it, some dear friends of ours just adopted a newborn, and I want to be so supportive and held it together well when we were all together. But, on the way home it just hit me, hard. The newness of the loss, and not knowing how to articulate the pain I was in without taking away their joy. How do you manage that? It makes me frustrated that miscarriage is so common, so painful, yet so many of us have to hold it inside as a silent pain to go through.
We are going to try again, and soon, but I am now so nervous. It was my first pregnancy.
Yes, when it’s your first pregnancy that is lost it can really blow your confidence about being able to have a baby. I was worried the whole time with my daughters that I would lose them as well.
“Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” is a non-profit organization that serves families who have experienced a stillbirth or early demise loss. They provide photographers who will come to the hospital and take keepsake photos for the family without charge. They also provide support to the families and also create remembrance events in honor of these babies. I served as a photographer for this charity for almost eight years. Even though it was the saddest of times for the families I worked with, it was extremely rewarding as well. Check them out as a helpful support group at: NILMDTS.org
Sorry to hear of your sad loss.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You are a courageous and strong woman. A miscarriage brings such a sense of dispair and disappointment. Give yourself some time and know that you knew that little person you lost. Your thoughts were on her/him constantly after learning about her/his presence… You probably imagined just how big or little they were. You knew this little one. Comfort yourself with this knowledge and know that we on this site send you hugs.
So sorry to hear about your loss. My wife had a miscarriage early on, though it was our second. I remember how difficult it was, despite having a healthy daughter already. My wife experienced early spotting during her first pregnancy (which the doctor she had at the time incorrectly told here was GOING to be a miscarriage!), so actually miscarrying the second carried added fear. Fortunately, she got pregnant with our older son on her very next cycle (I think we MAY have jumped the gun a bit on the doctor’s advice there… ).
No one can minimize the loss you feel. Hopefully, it will turn out to have been an isolated situation that will only serve to make the next - and successful - pregnancy more precious.
Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. mourn, then try again. i have had many miscarriages, but i persisted and have 2 wonderful daughters. you got pregnant once, you can do it again. hugs.
The only thing I can add to the heartfelt sympathy posts is that a large portion (hard to give precise numbers but from my reading, estimates suggest 1/3) of all conceptions end up as early miscarriages for reasons medicine doesn’t fully understand (and as a result can’t prevent). In the vast majority of those cases women might not even realize they are pregnant. In the case of someone with T1D (or someone TTC with a lot of monitoring) you are more likely to find out and as a result feel that it is something about you or your condition that caused the miscarriage. But very likely it is not! Unfortunately it’s just how nature works sometimes. Talk to your doctors and to your partner and try again when the time is right for you!
Hi Ginny - I am so sorry for your loss. In 2010-2011 I had two miscarriages and a stillbirth. I deeply grieved the babies and my plans for my future, and the experience led me to take antidepressants for a while and enter therapy - easily the smartest investment of my time and emotional energy I could make. My husband dealt with it in his own way, but I know that talking to him about how I felt was so important for him as well.
Be gentle with yourself, and take some time to honor your loss and grief. Miscarriages may be common, but they are just as real a loss as any other you have.
Thanks all- I’ve been feeling a lot better lately, I’m sure the miscarriage is something that I will always be a little sad about. We just started trying again, and are both pretty nervous.
I experienced my first pregnancy in April and miscarriage in May. The Dr told me it was more than likely due to a high a1c, it was 12.4. I am now 7 weeks pregnant and very nervous again as well. I have a veey difficult time with my muscarriage and know exactly what you are going through. Best of luck!