Hi, I am Rebecca. I am type 1 diabetic, for 14 years. For the past 3 years, I have been suffering from eating disorders (EDNOS-eating disorder not otherwise specified). I am very restrictive, exercise too much sometimes, purge and will fast for days. I am not trying to seek attention or anything.
I know I have a problem.. but this past February (2013) I was rushed to the hospital at 7 AM in an ambulance from my boyfriends house, as I woke him up with my screaming, but he couldn't wake me up. I was told I was shifting into a coma, and I almost died from low blood sugar.
I have been seeing an eating disorder counselor for a few months now. They want me to go into treatment, as in the last 5 months I have lost just shy of 35 pounds due to my not eating properly. I have noticed I am not digesting food properly anymore when I do eat, and I feel sick when I try to eat, to the point of involuntary throwing up as well. The past month I have noticed I wake up with bruises all over me, legs, arms.. and I think its because my body is malnourished to the point that I can't heal very fast anymore.
I don't know how to help myself. I've tried to start eating but I always relapse back as soon as I notice weight gain. I have a serious fear of food and weight gain. I want to be free of all this, but im scared that I never will be.
If anyone has advice, or understands my struggle, please share with me. :( Note: I am also on depressed and on medication for it, I have chronic insomnia, and anxiety (panic attacks) and I am not allowed to work due to my condition. I need to start working again, but until I sort myself out, Im not allowed. Dr.'s orders.
There is nothing to debate, Rebecca. You are right you don't know how to help yourself which is not your fault as you have an illness. You have to believe me that you WILL be free of us all this with treatment and time. I have 18 years recovery from an eating disorder and it makes all the difference in the world. I got into recovery from my ED first, before my D diagnosis and I feel very fortunate. It's a very dangerous combination. I do understand. Get the help you need and your life will be better in time. It will be, I promise. Zoe
Rebecca I so admire you being brave enough to post, it's a great first step. Glad that you're seeing a counselor as well. Please listen to what Zoe says, we care! Keep us posted.
I'm so scared of food and weight gain. In highschool, I let myself go to a horrible 185 pounds. When my then-bf broke up with me (he was my first love, and we dated a year and a half), it kick started anorexia like behaviour. Since then, my weight has fluctuated between 165-180. Then in the past year, my ED has become very serious. I have starved myself on and off down to almost 135 pounds, and its stayed between 140 and 150 for 6 months now. I weigh myself constantly.. Its such an addiction.. keeping track. and when I gain weight, I am full of self hatred, and I start hurting myself (I used to cut, even this past February, and I haven't cut in 4 months now.) But weight gain scares me. and treatment/recovery in my mind=weight gain. I don't know if ill ever get off my high horse and go to treatment. :( I know I need to... and I want to feel good and normal again. But my ED has taken over me. and my diabetes is suffering now. I probably eat less than 500 calories a day on average. THAT IS NOT NORMAL!!
Just listened to your song; you're a very talented young woman! The goal of treatment/recovery is not weight gain (unless someone is severely underweight) but learning about the unbalanced role food and weight plays in your thinking and learning that you can "eat healthy" and stay at a healthy weight and suddenly life opens up to all the things that make it worthwhile once that emphasis is gone.
i know how you feel i have struggled with food since i was a teen, i am now 47 and still struggle. it will always be a struggle im not going to lie here. the things that helped me was if i feel i have to eat i will piok one day a week as kind of a cheat day. also you can eat but watch the carbs, i started power walking a few years ago and will do it up to 30 minutes a few times per week and it helps to get rid of belly fat and will help if you are depressed. its hard i know. i have been talking to my daughter who is going through nursing school and wasnt eating right at all. finally she listened and changed her whole way of eating balanced meals and was able to focus better and feel better all around. in a nutshell dont think diet, eat very healthy and you wont crave certain foods as much and you may start feeling better all the way around. also do not weigh yourself constantly. i do not anymore. i have jeans that have a certain nice fit when my weight is where it should be and i go according to that. once they get snug i know i need to lose a few.
I first off want to say how brave you're being by posting about this and reaching out. You've had some great advice here. I used to work at an inpatient eating disorder treatment center, and I want to tell you that recovery is possible! This is not something you can do on your own, however, and I'm sure you know it is going to be hard work, but it is possible, and there are people out there who can and want to help you. Please consider going into treatment,I have seen it absolutely change people's lives for the better! And like others have said, the goal of a good treatment program is not just to make you reach a specific goal weight, but to help you re-teach your brain how to have a healthy relationship with food/exercise/your body image, and re-teaching your brain how to deal with the daily difficulties of life in a healthy, productive way. There is much hope out there, and you WILL recover. Please seek the help you need, you will be able to overcome this and thrive! Best wishes,
No, no, no Ginger... please do not tell Rebecca when and how to lose the weight and ESPECIALLY do NOT talk about belly fat. She nitpicks every part of her body as it is and even if she has no belly fat at all (which I am sure she doesn`t have considering the 35 pound weight loss), she will find some. Eating disorders are horrible perfectionists and are never happy. Please... NEVER give an ED person advice on how to lose weight. EVER. Enough said.
Now, Rebecca, I am a type 1 diabetic and have had bulimia for 25 years, with bouts of anorexia and other behaviors. I have been inpatient twice, once in a facility in Arizona called Remuda (an amazing place but they did not get the diabetes part) and then once in hospital on the ED unit. I do still struggle with the eating disorder but am MUCH better than I was. I started dieting at a VERY early age and started binging and purging via exercise in my early teens and so do not remember ever eating right. I think that is why I am having a hard time getting rid of this... but I will!! But, honey, you are young, beautiful, and can so beat this!!!
I have some advice for you... get a psychiatrist that specifically treats eating disorders if you do not already have one, get a doctor that is sympathetic to your struggle, AND come clean to both your endocrinologist and family. All of this is sooo hard to do and soooo important. You can`t leave even one thing out as I see you are really struggling and need help. Please go inpatient. It is hard, very hard, but worth it. You really cannot do this on your own. Don`t give up, be positive and kick ED`s butt!!! xoxoxo
I just have a question here (and I'm not bashing, honest!!).. is losing weight and staying thin more important than being sick and possibly passing away? I really hope your conselor can help you, as well as the people around you! I know a classmate that passed away due to eating disorders and it is one of the worst things to see. Stay strong! I know it can be hard and really terrifying, but I know you can make it through! I believe in you! (Even though I don't know you!) Keep your chin up, okay?
You'll make it through!
:)
Hi Rebecca, My name is David and I have been a Type 1 Diabetic for 33 years, for many years I was a Model living in New York City and known several people (Men & Women) to have eating disorders. You and I both know that anyone with an eating disorder knows how to lie about the food they ate, if they are throwing up and so on . In a treatment facility the people are there to help you 24 hours a day, the disorder is not going to change over night but it takes people with knowledge of these disorders to get you to the best health both mentally and physically. Sad to say I have known over 20 people some very close friends who have eating disorders (Models trying to get thin) and everyone has told me that it took the help of people who know about eating disorders to get them healthy. Any Doctor can tell you to just eat a cheeseburger but that is not what you need. Like your Blood Sugar every moment it can go up or down, but its trying to keep everything in a balance that will give you comfort, a Treatment Facility can help you with that. There is a reason they don't take pictures of the Model tossing her cookies in the bathroom before the shoot, throw-up is just not pretty, Who's gonna pay $12,000 for the dress Naomi just blew chunks over. I wish you my Best and with help it will get better. And if any Doctor just tells you to eat a Burger, smack him upside the head for me. My Best Regards, David !
