I was told by a couple of guys I dated (at different times), both of whom were Type 2, that no body would ever marry me because type 1 diabetes is too difficult on a relationship.
The reality is they were so selfish and demanded so much of me that I couldn't focus on them and taking care of myself. That is why I dumped them both. The other reality is I gave in to most of there demands and let myself get run into the ground.
Then one day I discovered that it isn't that nobody wants a diabetic. It is that nobody wants an out of control diabetic. We (me formerly) are always moody, always feel lethargic, and have frequent hypoglycemic episodes. It is a lot to commit to someone who is working their way toward complications. I wouldn't start a relationship with a smoker or someone who gets drunk every day or an out of control diabetic. Those are all choices to shorten lives and make the rest of their life less healthy.
Once I started taking better care of myself, a fabulous man fell into my lap. Some might call it fate, but he is so sweet and bought me Think Like a Pancreas right after we started dating, so you know he is a good one.
Elecrolytes get out of balance when diabetes is out of control, not to mention the stress caused by blood sugars being out of whack. That will cause depression, at least until they get better. If they are Type 1, perhaps get them Think Like a Pancreas or Using Insulin. That is a tool they can use if they want to. Definitely let them know you love them, and that you are willing to help. Both books will help them know what questions to ask.
What happened in my Type 1's world is the doctors gave me tools when I was diagnosed (in 1984) without additional training each time they changed the type of insulin I took. Then the doctors lectured at me for having a high A1c. Then I brought it down to 7.2 and they were thrilled. They weren't concerned that I had 3 low blood sugar seizures (during the night) within 2 months, one of which bruised my rib when I fell out of bed. I was in over my head. I learned from these books what I needed to do and that I should take things one step at a time, not everything at once. And that nobody is perfect, and it is okay to fail, and it may take you a few weeks or more to get through each step. The doctors want you to be perfect and cannot train you in the 15 min office visits every 3 months.
Aw, that is lovely! What lovely guys! Shame they are so far, but hopefully, thanks to the wonders of e:mails and other technology you will have friends fo life!
Keep fighting - even if to spite those detractors! That is what I have had to do! I was always taught that nobody wants me because I am ugly and stupid. Well, that is fine. I went on to qualify as a councellor, I am a Bible student, I have lots of friends - well, if I am stupid, what would I have qualified for if I was clever??? I am happy with my lot. I do suffer from bouts of depression - one is starting now, as I hate New Year and being alone for it, but I will get over it.
You are such a sweetie, Natalie. I, too, work with disabled children and young adults. I have seen how they kept up an indomitable spirit through all sorts of adversity. that as well as my faith, has been my inspiration
I also have been through clinical depressions, but never enough to make me stop my diabetes care.. I think my "give up"periods had to do more with relationship and self-image issues, not with diabetes at all. I have truly never felt like 'damaged goods" because I had diabetes. NEVER. I can have as much or as little attention from the male species that I desire. I guess I am just "picky", (LOL)but that is OK, too. We all deserve the best.
Now Stu, what would I say to someone who has chosen to not take care of themselves..? Well, sometimes saying words is not what these individuals need.Tthey need to be heard, they need to know that someone can listen to them non-judgementally and without the ';" You will go blind, get your feet cut-off, be forever chooked uop to dialysus treatments " scare tactics. that does not work wiuth the chronically I don't want to take care of myself and feel better because I have nothing or no-one in my life to feel better for."
That is the crux of the matter. If you have something to live for, then you do not want to feel bad. And omitting insulin feels bad and realy sucks. DKA is a monster.
such minidividuals need to find a passion for something in their life, arts, sports, school, volunteerism, the gamut...Get them to be interested in other activities and pursuits. they will find out that they cannot participate or be fully involved while they are scikly. It is just not possible. I would not even mention the diabets care, just let thme know you understand how hard it is, as a diabetic peer. When they realize and want to cahange they wilklk start to ask questions about self-careand will want to feel better. then they will start to take the small steps to make changes. I have seen this happen with children, teens and adults
Just my thoughts. And ACTIVE prayers this means when you actively pray, you talk AND you listen. it is a conversation. It works for me..
Free will is a messy thing but God love it we'd be zombies without it.
People have to come to the decision to live and be healthy on their own terms, an intervention as was mentioned in an earlier post might help them to get their eyes open and realize they need to make changes but we can't control another person, we can't micromanage their condition. Going into a home to search for hidden candy and potato chips is way out there.
its not your fault if they don't take care of themselves, you can't control them, you can't take the responsibility and the blame its not healthy for a person to do that. Some people, dispite our best efforts are going to die needlessly painful deaths. How often though are those people the ones we think of when we are making decisions? I've had friends and family that have made poor choices with their diabetes management and they died before their time.
I want something different for me, their choices have helped me be more firm in my convictions, we all lead by example, sometimes their choices show us what we don't want for ourselves. An old AA guy I knew was talking about alcoholics who died drunk and said he believed they never die in vain because their death helps buy sobriety for someone else who says for themselves I want something different, something better.
The last time I ever took notice of someone saying that was the day Bee Jae and Junior made the comment about adopting me. It was my parents anniversary and they wanted the house to themselves. So my mom said she was worried about how Shyla (my alert dog) would do at the concert we had planned on going to. So I said I'd find a friend to spend the night with. She said "Brandi, nobody's going to want a diabetic, much less a diabetic and a dog." So I went to the concert and stayed in the sound booth where it was much quieter for Shyla. 2 bands were playing. BEyond THE surFace, and JaeL. The first one is my cousins, which is how I got to be in the sound booth. JaeL is an Aussie rock band thats in America for a little while. Bee Jae is JaeL's lead singer/bassist.
If anyone's said "nobody wants a diabetic" since that day, I haven't noticed.
I had been in total denial for many, many years. It was not until I met my husband who had to go on dialysis a few months after we met. He is not a diabetic but suffers from Alport Syndrome. He was told as a teenager, not to consume alcohol. He owned a bar. He was on dialysis for almost 5 years before getting a transplant. He was given a second chance in life. At that time I decided to start to take care of my D. I have had it for 56 years now. It has only been in the last 10-15 years that I have taken it seriously. Being on dialysis is not fun. The first problems because of not taking care of yourself is "reduced kidney function". You don;t get pain. You have no idea until it is too late. I beg and urge everyone out there to take type 1 seriously. Yes, I do still have functioning kidneys which I am very grateful for. My husband got a second chance in life - we will always have type 1 and the complications that go with it. The best we can do is preserve what we have, do NOT abuse your body, do NOT be in denial - be thankful for what you have. There is no cure for us, but we can make the most of what we have and be kind to our bodies.
It can be a struggle as you well know. Hey thatās what you get for being a nice compassionate and committed person. Itās hard to say no. If there is a way we can lend a helping hand, we will. I really feel alone in this situation of having the D word. But iāll manage. Happy New Year!!
2. start the conversation by saying something along the lines about you understanding. go into detail about your story.
3. tell them it's ok to not be perfect.
4. it's not okay to give up entirely.
5. baby steps. dn't get overwhelmed trying to do everything everyday. one day eat healthy. the next walk for 20 minutes. three days later check your bs everytime you should. eventually a few of the habits will stick.
6. It's like a diet, everyone fails. you don't jump off the deep end, you just wake up the next day and say, i will do better!
Well I guess it depends where you are mentally. Some arenāt able to move along gracefully for a lack of a better term. It also depends on the alleged caregiver. It is hard to turn your back and watch someone suffer. But yes, you can only do but so much. As for myself, Iām more embarrassed about my condition than denial. Iām definitely playing with fire by not taking care of myself. Like Cassandra said earlier, You have to take baby steps. Although iām taking tiny tiny steps. Thatās very selfish of me.
Stuart, thanks for hosting this topic. I read very enlightening words not to mention I fall in that category. Weāll see what future will bring, if any.
This describes how I was for a long time. I spent a few years in denial mode. I never checked my blood sugar, rarely took insulin, and ate anything I wanted to. There were so many things about living like that that I enjoyed. I could be normal. I could pretend that it didnāt matter. I knew that what I was doing was wrong and that I was slowly killing myself, I just didnāt care. During those few years I met the man I am now married to. He didnāt realize what I was doing for a long time because I was an amazing actress. I carried all the stuff with me, had the insulin in the fridge, etcā¦ Not long before we were to get married he confronted me about it all. I admitted to him that I had given up on myself. That I really didnāt care if I died or not. His support in working to get myself better helped me. I promised him that I would start taking care of myself and loving myself as much as he loved me. On our wedding day I had a blood sugar over 500. On our wedding night I took my insulin like I was supposed to and have not missed a single dose since then, April 4, 2009. I had an A1C of 14 during that time of my life. My A1C at the time of our wedding was 12 and in three months I had it down to 7.5. I now have had a pump for over a year and started using a CGM this pas week. I now am dedicated to taking care of myself and making sure that Iām around long enough to have grandchildren. I have macular edema that was caused by the rapid blood sugar drop but it is being treated and improving. Other than that I have no complications that we can see at this point which is amazing because I was pretty close to death a few times. Maybe Iāll figure out a way to help others stop that type of behavior before they get as far gone as I wasā¦
Wow! This must be the advance section because everyone seem to used to be. What fascinating story though. One day Iāll hopefully hold that diploma. Thank you all! May your New Year be prosperous!
Sadly, not that advanced an issue, nor uncommon on any level unfortunatelyā¦ we all struggle.
The fundamental nature of the tools being pushed on us today are negative and inherently judgemental; Bad, bad, baaaad, bad, bad, baaad, NOT good, not good enough, not correct, not right, not enough, too much, too little, wrong, wrong, wrongā¦
Do not have this particular answer but dispise the framework which the tools we now use require.
Stuart
there is no bright future all you have is today you might be eating healthy today and next week you get back into your old habits it only works for a certain time you prick your fingers and try to do what is right test your sugar the next time and it is high and you get depressed what is there
