Dia-cide... ("suicide" by diabetes)

Type 1 and LADA
61

One day at a time and routine…only been type 1 for 4 years age 22-26, never had an A1C over 7 even at diagnosis. I was lucky to be diagnosed my last semester of college, most stress as a child/teen/college didn’t have an affect. The one thing that keeps me going, as many of you will disagree with is being an atheist. Knowing this is the only life we get a chance at, I’m not going to waste it diabetes or not. Science has come and will go along way, I think everyday in 5-10 years I will be able to eat whatever I want and maybe not have to exercise in the morning or skip a cookie for fear of under/over correcting. There are way to many good things in life not to sit and wait for it to slowly kill you. For the ones who have been doing it 25+ years, commendable but hang in there, help is right around the corner.

Just take it one meal, one shot, one day at a time

62

Hello Don:

-Bowing deferentially and formally- (to my “diabetic elder”…)

Appreciate your contribution as well. Let’s probe this a bit please. You have some serious time-in fighting this dragon. A parent, a spouse watching their diabetic loved one in this type of headspace… what help do you give them to talk their loved one, one of our peers “off the edge”.

Stuart

63

Hello Diabetesdancer:

Thanks for taking part as well. …Point of re-clarification, for the record this is NOT my headspace. This is an issue I encounter too frequently here and elsewhere. The meaningless “get help” too many propose is horribly simplistic stuff IMHV.

As diabetics, as their ~peers~ we are in a unique position I believe (rightly/wrongly) to assist.

Stuart

64

Depends on whether you’re a Type 1 or a Type 2. Type 1’s if they completely omit their insulin, can die within days. A full-blown Type 2 will take longer, months maybe, but the end result is the same.

But the question is, do you really want to die? I’ve been suicidal, but I decided I don’t need to do it right now – which gave me time to consult a psychiatrist, who prescribed anti-depressant medications, and then to go to a psychologist who helps me deal with my feelings, including diabetes rebellion.

I’m hoping you find a way to deal with whatever your feelings are at this point.

65

I had a severe depression the first half of this year, and it resulted in me not taking very good care of myself. Long story short, I ended up in a coma, and would have died by morning if my friends hadn’t come looking for me when I didn’t show up for a picnic.

Rebellion has always been a part of my diabetic life, even apart from depression, for 19 years, and I’m no teenager, either. I have periodically stopped my shots and then my pump, just to see if the diabetes went away while I wasn’t looking. Never did.

The things that have helped me most have been my psychologist, who is an expert in active listening, and my friends, who also listen to me. One of my friends, a CDE, but not mine, just quietly says “And what did you find out by omitting your insulin?” I have to be honest with these beloved people, and what I always find out is that it didn’t go away. I still need work on the concept that it never will.

I think it’s important to find the reasoning behind insulin omission – I’m sure that different people will have different reasons, and you can’t help them until you find out why they’re doing it. And then, I think they have to discover for themselves the reasons why it’s not a good idea. You can help guide their thinking, but you can’t impose your ideas on them. Sometimes a coma is a wake-up call, or a bad report from the ophthalmologist, but better not to wait that long, if at all possible.

As a high-school teacher, I’ve had students with a variety of problems – the policy was that they go to the nurse, but they didn’t trust the nurse because they didn’t know her, so they came to me and I did what I could. I had one diabetic student who was probably not taking very good care of himself, but when I found out he was diabetic (SEVEN weeks after school began!), I showed him my pump, and talked to him a little about diabetes. YEARS later, he called me and asked to borrow my books on diabetes – he was starting to understand that he needed to take better care of himself. And I’m sure it was the personal, caring contact that led to that result. Teenagers REALLY need someone to care about them closely, yet that’s the time that they’re so busy and adults start to withdraw.

Sorry for the ramble!

1 Like
66

Hello Natalie:

Understanding tiny aspects, small pieces, grains of the issue… does not mean that is MY headspace!

I contend because we too are diabetics, as a “community” we can help those forced to witness our peers (in such mental spaces) in a very unique and powerful way…

For example how would you reach a type1 20yo who…“quit” being diabetic? Randomly picks numbers out of thin air to sometimes cover sugar which they do not or will not test for example. Day in day out like that…

Stuart

67

Hello Natalie:

Your "rambles" are potent stuff... well said Natalie, well said.

Ok, having been in that headspace directly... as a diabetic woman who's "been there", ok, you see Tim (pick the age) and you know they are headed for a serious "crash and burn"...

How do you reach him?

Mom and Dad are playing the "Diabetic Spanish Inquisition" and he won't play mommy and daddys game anymore. The parents single snowflakes versus a teen' maive bondfire of dia-cide? Passionate but stupid.

What can we as their peers do to get someone through the automatic shields of a diabetic in a bad mental place IYO-IYE?

Stuart

68

Hello srfitzxger:

-LOL- thank you for your thoughts as well. You'll get no argument out of me, I know nothing and have lots of questions, atheism is a fine belief. If get reincarnated the next time through, well so be it... right now I'm trying to cope with well, right now! If divine being(s) wish to intercede I am mortal and cannot prevent it.

To GET to this kind of headspace (dia-cide) was not likely an instant-retroactive kind of thing. I disbelieve that otherwise "ok" you or I suddenly wake up and go "...screw the testing I'm just going to guess from thin air and inject accordingly..." Or likewise we'll attempt to count carbs everyday and then go into "crash and burn" mode and suddenly say "...to hell with it... its worthless..."

Either situation once in a while, based on circumstances, ok sure, but not as a regular habit by any means. The habit is "dia-cide" in my view?

+++ help is right around the corner.
Stifled laughter... oh really??? Please teach me this "faith" my experience (and others) suggests this is not true. But I'm well over 25 years riding this dragon (:::[ How does focus upon now, one single reading, one single day tangibly help do you think???
Stuart
69

In response to help is right around the corner:

There are at least 3 human studies I can name that will put a "cure" to use in the terms of no injections and keeping blood sugars between 80-120 while eating what you want. We will know the results of some of these phases in the upcoming years which look very promising if you actually read the white paper lab results and not some blog article on the internet. We will also have a pump/cgm closed loop if all of the above "cures" fail in the next 5 years which will get us as close to normal as one can be with type 1.

I just want it to make it clear, especially after reading some of these threads, that it will be science that will cure/save us from our daily routines, not praying to some space god (any religion all the same) or giving up to see him heaven one day. You have ONE life don't give up as help, in my opinion, IS right around the corner

70

Well - I hope you're right but I can't say I'm that hopeful. There hasn't been much progress in moving beyond mouse studies although all of the scientific work has made it a great time to be a mouse with diabetes.

A closed loop sysem (pump and multiple cgm sensors) might be better technology but it isn't anything like a cure. Changing multiple sites, listening for beeps when something isn't working, testing to make sure that we're in range at least a handful of times per day. That ain't a cure.

The technology has gotten much better over the last 20 years and will probably continue to improve but I'm not holding my breath for a cure.

Maurie

71

if it were my child/partner/someone close to me - I would take over all aspects of their care and give them no choice. If they refused my care (bg testing for them, making meals for them while I counted their carbs and drew up the insulin they needed for the meal/correction factor) I would tell them that they left me with little choice other than to call 911 to get them cared for. And I would.

If it was someone I peripherally knew of, my heart would break for them, and I would try to do the same thing but would feel less able to make a difference. If possible, would reach out to those who could be their natural caregivers to offer them some help.

I only deal with type 1 - and you cannot fool around with this. I worry that when my son is in his early-mid 20's that he will grow tired of having to do this each and every minute of every day. He is 12 now and we just recently got back from the ER after a stomach flu thing. I find it interesting that I wish for him a loving and caring partner one day - who can be his second set of eyes. He won't want his Mom hovering over him when he's older - but honestly - sometimes you need someone with this disease.

Interesting and poetically written question.

1 Like
72

I personally believe help is right around the corner- NOT A CURE, but something that will make D less all consuming. Even though I believe this I have been told since Dx 17 years ago that..........help is right around the corner. All you need to do is wait 5 more years. It's coming............just wait a little bit longer.

1 Like
73

Honestly I was pretty close to that...I really was starting to just not care anymore. It was because people kept telling me "nobody wants a diabetic." and after being told that same thing so much for so long, I started to believe it.

Then two people came along. I met them through my cousins. Their names are Bee Jae and Junior. One night we were out in the freezing cold, so they were both huddled around me to keep me warm. Bee Jae knew my blood sugar would drop if I got too cold. Anyway, apparently they had both taken a liking to me. Junior looked at Bee Jae and said "When we get married, we should adopt her." Talking about me. He knew I have parents. He's even met my parents. But at the same time, they both still showed me they wanted me. I realized that just because people say nobody wants a diabetic, that doesn't make it true.

Bee Jae and Junior were just here for a visit and have gone back home, 10 hours away from me. I started fighting again so that one day (hopefully soon!) I'll be able to see them again.

So I guess the problem varies from person to person, which means the solution would vary as well. But I'm sure most solutions would include lots of love <3

74

Who says nobody wants a diabetic???? That's like saying nobody wants a HUMAN BEING! I just can't believe someone would be so idiotic as to say that to you!

I think that statement is pretty close to child abuse. I have worked with children far more disabled and time-consuming than diabetics, and some of them survived ONLY because someone loved them.

I am so sorry you had to listen to that, and I'm glad someone in your life came along to love you as you deserve.

Hugs,

Natalie ._c-

1 Like
75

Hello Brandi:

Forgive me, I am not sure I understand??? What does "nobody wants a diabetic" mean in any context???

"...Hi Mom, I'm home..."

"...sorry Brandi honey, NOBODY wants a diabetic..."

"... hey John, its Brandi, how are you..."

"...sorry Brandi, NOBODY wants a diabetic..."

Maybe its too much snow, but I don't think I understand how that (weird thing to say) would EVER come up... not saying it doesn't... just can't imagine anybody stupid enough to say it, think it, or ever act on it...

Glad to hear you've come back from the edge ; ) You have MANY friends you've never even met before. We share a "secret handshake" (eg holding up his calloused fingertips...)

Stuart

76

Hello Amy:

Thank you for taking part. And I thank you for your very kind words as well. Would I could simply write syrupy "love poetry" rather than such questions...

As the parent, you know full well they are out of our sight far longer, than they are under our direct supervision and scrutiny. Can control be taken from those who in theory are hostile to self-care for whatever reason(s) rational or otherwise?

Put another way, your son, someone's daughter turns their back on what you have taught him, what they have learned of self control. Some experience, some events have taught them despair, exhaustion, fatigue and they have given in. Many forms, many types, but what does an outsider (ie anyone who is not the diabetic) do for those who have in effect "quit" ?

I cannot prevent someone who is not in front of me from any action, adult or child. What ideas would you and my peers suggest to intervene, assist such individuals? I believe as a community we have some serious insight with very unique skills in this arena.

Merely my opinion, I could surely be mistaken,

Stuart

77

It is a struggle. Especially when you get to a point where you eat tons of sugar just for the sugar high. Depression is a serious illness. Yeah I’m definitely suspect for gradually disintegrating. I work in nutrition so of course I know better. Preaching the healthy living to consumers but ain’t walking the walk. People always try to scare the heck out of you with stating the facts. Stating what complication may occur. Some don’t really know how to properly approach a person with their sincere concerns. Yet obviously they mean well. You Just got to be careful with your deliverance. Some folks are a bit sensitive. Yeah, of course I look both ways before crossing, so there’s no need to tell me that. One would assume that most people do not like to be micromanaged by others but you have to micromanage yourself or at least try to. I find it to be most comfortable when someone help me along who’s dealing with similar struggles. I’m going to try to find a group of people to work with whether it be having game nights, cooking nights etc…I really need help. I rarely check my sugar and rarely take my meds. freakin’ horse pills makes me gag! hahaha! Life is too overwhelming. You take care of everyone else except yourself. People rely on you too much. Folks get attached by you always lending a helping hand. Then you are frowned upon once you have to stop those good deeds for one reason or another. I often imagine myself in a hospital bed connect to all sorts of tubes and someone come in my room saying; “hey what are you doing laying in that bed?! Isn’t there someone else YOU HAVE to take care of?!” Hmm dia-cide? Metaphorically speaking they are all saying: Please don’t jump!!

78

Stuart:

In a way you are describing me for 20 + years. I figured that the disease would kill me one way or the other and I could not see doing anything about it in the hopes it would prolong my life. I mean heck if I am going down the drain oen way or another, why not do what I want and scrfew the good habits. Oh I took my insulin, I never tested, ate what i wanted etc etc. My A1C was 11.9

So the question how does one pull out. Well first one needs a reason to live. My reason to live was work and diabetes got in my way. Hence forget diabetes. We, I was determined that i wanted to live until i was 45 and work until I was 42 or 43. Guess what I turned 45 and I was not sick or dead. Well that is a heck of a shock. Well predictably my life started to fall apart. Family was upset about this work drive, so I decided for therapy. The therapist got me out of the 20 year tail spin. I had to redo priorities and re-decide what is important. Today at age 53, I cannot work, RA not type 1, and so i decided to try school again, this time just to keep me busy, and I seek out worthwhile things to do.

So my suggestions, I offer this all the time. When young type 1's get diabetes, they should get counseling. I suspect many type 2's need this as well, but I cannot speak to that directly. I do suggest therapy is the one best and maybe the only way to pull a person back from the brink. Of course they have to want to do the therapy. I just think we do not do enough to handle the psychological affects of chronic disease. If I had a kid who got the disease, he would do counseling, I wish my parents had. If the had, my life would have been better and as for better, I mean insteadof runnign formt he disease, I might have been able to deal with head on.

rick phillips

79

Although Type 2's have somewhat different issues, they could benefit from therapy as well. There is a whole load of guilt and self-blame because of the media emphasis on losing weight and reversing diabetes, which is sometimes possible, but not always. Losing weight is damn hard if you're a Type 2 with a severe metabolic problem!

Type 1's who develop it in adulthood might do well with therapy too -- diabetes is a heavy load on anyone.

I think a therapist should be part of the team right from the beginning, no matter what the type, age or apparent state of mind. The docs and CDEs get so caught up in the physical survival needs of the new patient that the mental state is totally ignored.

I cried through my whole meter training and meal planning -- but not a bit of understanding how horrifying the whole thing was to me!

80

You are so right about the people relying on you so much! I think this is a message to me! I do so much in the local community, in the church, etc but I am NOT really looking after myself! I do check, I do do the injections (not as much as I should) and I come home so exhausted that I am too tired to cook, eat, tidy etc. And when I need some time off - to go to the hospital about my various problems, have a rest, do things for myself etc, people put such a guilt trip on that you end up turning up, continuing your work well after your time etc!

The new manager of the charity shop where I work is brilliant but he too forgets that I NEED to eat, whether I want to or not and I have started hypoing during the day again. We are not allowed to eat on the floor - or in the sort room - though I do sometimes ignore that rule - but I am soooo busy and so caught up in what I am doing I forget, or he forgets! Mmmm. Diacide. That is what I am doing.

Happy New Year!!!