Starting to date again. Woohoo. My question is should I tell my prospective significant others right of the bat about my condition??? Don’t want to lead anyone on but I don’t want to scare people off too. When is the best time to spring this on someone you’re starting to like???
Absolutely not. Date someone long enough to decide if it has a chance to continue before opening the closet.
I agree with Debb. You’ll know whether you’re comfortable to tell someone or not.
Personally, I did the online dating scene for a little over two years before I met my husband (yes, online). I usually brought it up in casual conversation, but it almost always came out on the first date, to be honest. But then again, I’m pretty open. Sometimes the people were inquisitive, other times they had a story to share about someone in their family with diabetes. No one was ever rude. Maybe I was lucky. Once my husband and I were to the “i love you’s” in our dating life, I was able to go into detail about what a commitment to me meant in terms of the diabetes.
But I think it all depends on your comfort level with sharing ANY personal details on a date - that you’re divorced, or that you have kids, or that you’re a telemarketer. Not to mention that there is so much judgment and pity associated with disease. In my mind, if they were going to let diabetes scare them away from me, they probably weren’t the strong partner I was looking for. My husband had an aunt who didn’t take care of herself with Type 1 and died. If anyone would have had a stigma about it, you’d have thought he would. But he didn’t. And that helped me know I’d found something good.
Hi Ken, I’m a little more upfront about it. I feel like it’s more work trying to keep it a secret. Usually when I excuse myself on a first date I’ll let them know. With 26,000,000+ diabetics, it’s actually a good conversation starter. She usually knows someone or lived with someone or has a family member or college roommate. However, that’s what I’m comfortable with, similar to the other responses it’s got to be your own personal comfort level that dictates when you should bring it up. Hope that helps and good luck out there!
Debb- That’s horrible! But it sounds like your husband wasn’t the most supportive type anyway. I hope you’re moving on well without him (despite the unanswered questions).
Mike- It could be a conversation starter, but it could also be a conversation stopper. Depends on the person you’re dating, and the type of person you want to be dating. Someone who gets grossed out by the thought of blood and needles may not be the person you want to date at all.
Ken- When it comes up, it comes up. I wouldn’t make it a “Brace yourself! I have a confession to make!” kind of moment. If it doesn’t appear to interrupt your life or your date (a simple, “excuse me, I’m diabetic and need to check my blood sugar”) with no expected follow-up is probably best. For me, it usually comes up when I order a diet soda, and someone looks at my small frame and seems bewildered, so I just respond “I have diabetes and try to limit sugar as much as I can,” then I go on with whatever we were talking about beforehand.
I don’t see anything wrong with it–provided you handle the matter with discretion. There’s no need to look puppy-eyed when sharing your condition to your date. You can try sharing it in a way that can actually tell them how it is and you are no different than anyone else, treating the story academically. They should find it interesting that you don’t get insulin shots fo a Tpye 2…
When I was originally diagnosed with Diabetes back in 2000, my now wife was the one who notice the signs of diabetes thanks to her grandfather having diabetes. She literally has been my biggest rock and supporter without her I might have discovered my diabetes much later and had more problems. She also is right there to kick my butt if I do something stupid. So from my view point it all depends on the person some people are great to tell even if you just started dating It all depends on the person and that is true with anyone.
I believe you should be completely up front about it. If someone feels uneasy about you being diabetic then they are not work giving any more consideration. When you properly manage diabetes it has to be a big part of your life.
You might get less dates but you’ll be happier if you’re honest from the start.
I tell people when it comes up, like if we are out to eat and I need to test my BG or go take a shot. I figure if it grosses them out, they faint, think I’m a walking death sentence or whatever then they are NOT for me. This disease has decided it likes me and doesnt’ want to leave and unfortunately I can’t leave it. It’s just like someone asking me if I have kids I tell them yes two beautiful boys. You gotta take me, my boys and my diabetes! Love it or leave it.
perhaps persieving it as simply a lifestyle / medical situation that is not necessarily a negative would be a good begining. it is just somethign that is,not a badge of shame or something…
It is not a hush hush thing.
I would begin as finding a comfy zone which is what intial dating is like. if that comfort is found telling will be no biggy and just as easy as saying by the way I prefer action movies over drama.
he fainted? Wow you don’t see that happen too often, hope he was not standing he would have had to run to the doctor for a cat scan lol I always believe in the 5 P’s of leadership, Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance
Even when you are not a leader it is helpful phrase that is easy to remember Live that phrase and you tend to be prepared for more
I have had diabetes since I was 4. I’ve never hid it from anyone. The last guy I dated, I never told him. But he kind of figured it out when I whipped out my kit to check my blood sugar before dinner and got my pump out to bolus. I’m not sure, but he may have known before we went out because it was a blind date. I didn’t ask. And he never really said anything about it.
Who knows, though. We only went out a couple of times. The diabetes might have scared him off and I didn’t know it. But if it did, I figure I don’t need someone like that anyway.
When I was dating, there were several things I was concerned about sharing with the people I dated: my age, my weight, my spiritual leanings, some of my experiences and outlook on life, all of which were things that some folks might not be attracted to…and my diabetes was just one other thing. But, even as a large-sized older woman with other things that might be said to go “against” me, I had an active and happy dating life. And…most important to my life today…I found a man who fell in love with me…just as I am…and he is now my husband. As others have said, what worked for me was to not make a big deal of any of that, but not to hide it either. All those things, including my diabetes, are me, and if someone is going to love me, he will love all those things about me. If he doesn’t, I am better off without him.