Diabetes mentor

I am trying to get my control back having always struggled with it. I don’t know any type 1’s and am interested in finding a mentor or accountability partner to help support and be there for each other and did not know if anyone here is interested. I am doing well right now but it has only been a few weeks. I am interested in how you stay motivated long term because that is something that has always been hard for me.

Thanks
Lori

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For me TuDiabetes, MyGlu, and various other websites offer me the support I need to keep my son’s blood Sugars under control.

@Lori31 - Congratulations on finding us here @ TuDiabetes.

I am impressed that you have decided to work on better control, AND that you had the courage to come on here to tell us about it.

Can you tell us some more about your struggles and where you think your major hurdles are?

For example, I struggle with carb counting for dinner. I almost always wing it (okay, maybe an educated guess) and then correct for the high/low later. I keep my dinners pretty small in part to lower the problems from getting out of hand.

As far as staying motivated overall, I think each of us approach it a bit differently. A couple of things work for me.

The first is just how much better I feel and how much more energy I have vs. my earlier, wing it everyday, all the time, days. I want to keep that high energy and good feeling, so it’s easy to stay on top of my care.

The second is to use the numbers that assault me with every CGM check and every finger-stick as informational only. No blame, no shame, no beating myself up … EVER!

For example, yesterday 3 hours after lunch I looked at my CGM and saw my BG @ 249 and rising. Okay, I can’t fix the past, so what do I do now? I tested for confirmation, gave a correction, plus I added an extended bolus over 3 hours. By the time the turkey was ready for carving, I was coming in for soft landing @ 93. Now, yes, I did pat myself on the back and told myself, “Nice Job!” Having positive self-talk does wonders, IMO.

To your original question regarding a mentor, check out our chat room sometime.

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Initially a doctor told me there would be a cure when I was diagnosed at 15, after several years and realizing she lied my control waned and I was angry. I have struggled with control most of my diabetic life- just the day in day out drudgery of everything we must do and figure out I get overwhelmed. I am a perfectionist so I am trying to not see the blood sugar as a grade but it sometimes feels like a grade. I having been the worst at the thing I need to be the best in for good quality of life. So right now I am reaching out to all who are willing to help me learn to read the cgm reports and learn to make adjustments without waiting 2 days for a doctor to call me back. I also got lazy taking blood sugars and often and instead of counting carbs guestimated, and I never guess right. The last few weeks I am trying really hard to have normal blood sugars, I am going for perfections but a reasonable and attainable goal that gets me to the A1C level to have a good life. I suffer from anxiety and depresseion too, and am on way too many pills so I want to get off of as many as possible without sacrificing health. Any support or help is needed and wanted. I have had this disease for over 30 yrs but feel like I don’t have the self knowledge i should have for the amount of years I have into it. Some it my fault some my doctors/ diabetic educatirs were never willing or had the time to give me to make sure I had a handle on it. I appreciated your kind words and response.

Thank You
Lori

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Lori - I’d be happy to help you! I presume we could communicate via email, texts, and phone. I’ve had diabetes for the last 32 years so I’m familiar with the context you’ve faced. I’ll send you a private message; if you’re interested, just reply. You can improve your metabolic life, a lot, if you’re willing to do the work.

The knowledge you have is for certain much greater than you are giving yourself credit for, and like most (ahem) of us you didn’t wake up 30+ years ago and say, “Oh goody! I am going to be the perfect diabetic starting today and learn everything there is to know about it.”

I like to start with small goals and build from there. If you didn’t test enough yesterday, test one more time today. If you didn’t count carbs for any meals yesterday, count for breakfast today, then see if you can count for lunch, then see of you can count for dinner, etc. For each step you take forward, count that as a success. For each step you take backwards, count that as motivation to do step forward the next time, then throw the backward step away.

There is a saying that is a great one to keep in mind if you are a perfectionist:

"Perfection is the enemy of Good!"

There is no perfection in managing diabetes, right? Every day brings a new challenge, but with some basic work those challenges can be met. In my mind, this applies to all of life, not just diabetes.

YogaO- Thank you for the encouragement. I am trying to get it into my head that continued success is my motivation. My pattern with weight and diabetes management is that when I start doing well I sabotage myself or feel like I have been good I deserve to be not so strict. But at this point I can’t afford to think that way. I do better with small goals as well and really like your approach. One of my favorite authors Brene’ Brown says we are all imperfectly perfect. But striving for the hardest outcome seems to be what I go for but then feel like i fail bc of my standards when other people would probably be thrilled with those results. I am too hard on myself and not hard enough all at the same time. But my committment seems stronger this time and I an determined to not be controlled but be in control of myself. I appreciate all the feedback and support.,

Thanks Lori

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Start Small is the way to go imo. Work on one thing at a time, like @YogaO said. Come here and hang out with us if you feel discouraged, defeated, tired of the whole thing. (also when you feel like celebrating a success!) Share your roller coasters or flatlines with the “Flatline Club” (Terry’s very active there)

mark your calendar and join us Dec 10 for our bimonthly chat with Gary Scheiner. He’s a well known CDE and wrote “Think Like a Pancreas” - he will be taking questions from the chat room and he likes to get the toughest ones anyone can come up with.
http://www.tudiabetes.org/event/live-interview-with-gary-scheiner-cde-founder-of-integrated-diabetes-services-3/

I really love this topic in particular, it might even be my favorite here of all time

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I agree with @YogaO that the perfect can be the enemy of the good. On the other hand I’ve found that at certain critical crossroads in my life I’ve been ready to make big changes because I’m faced with some large daunting reality or even a sudden haunting realization. I sense this is where you are now.

Diabetes is as much a mind game as it is a strategic and tactical one. Crucial character traits that fuel significant and sustained change for me are a cataclysmic triggering event combined with curiosity, knowledge, tenacity, and kindness. I’ve found that the triggering event can be a death of someone close, a divorce, or even a medical diagnosis.

It can be argued that the most important character trait to make sustained change is kindness, especially kindness toward yourself. You have to extend to yourself the same tolerance and understanding that you would easily and naturally extend to a good friend. That means allowing yourself failures and setbacks without losing sight of the prize. And kindness towards others rewards you with the pleasure inherent in helping another. It reminds you that your struggle is “not all about you” and tempers your life with humility.

I’ve found that the best fuel for tenacity is real winning results. I don’t mean to demean life’s challenges into a simple game metaphor, but it does work for me. I see diabetes as a game that I can play, and play well. I take pleasure in my victories and accept defeats while I quickly move on. I like to win and winning keeps me engaged. This might not work for everyone but it’s kept me interested day after day after day.

I must quickly add that I don’t play this game with other people with diabetes. That kind of competition poisons peer support. In my life’s game it’s me versus the big D. And I’m kicking a-s-s and taking names!

i think you also have to make an effort to remember how you feel when you have tried different ways to improve bg, sleep, exercise or whatever. you have to think like a scientist and try to figure out why you felt good yesterday when you did such and such, but you feel like crap today. if you basically ate the same thing, what else was different? you can’t always narrow it down, but a lot of times you can. especially if you help your memory by writing stuff down. i’m always telling my daughter - ‘think like a scientist!! why did you wake up at 4 am and not be able to go to sleep until 6 am? was it the short-acting adderall you took earlier in the day? well, today is not a school day, so you won’t be taking it. pay attention to how you feel when you wake up without taking the adderall.’ etc etc. i have to say this to her because usually when i ask her why she thinks she had such and such a result, i always get the impatient ‘i don’t know!!!’

when you isolate some factor that you can replicate and makes you feel better, that can give you motivation to keep trying to get more fine-tuned in isolating factors that affect how you feel.

Have you looked for a type 1 meetup group or other T1 groups.? When I lived in Southern CA I had a great insulin pumpers group that became friends as well. I’m in a new city and looking to connect with other PWD1’s. WHere are located? maybe someone here knows of a good bunch of folks.

No I have not. I am in Charlotte North Carolina.

I really like the idea of having a T1D mentor/buddy too
Hope you have found one, and hopefully I’ll find one some day
I always wonder if any T1D/Lada people exists here in Hong Kong (even though I am sure they do, but i have no idea where they are…!)

hi @mao welcome to our community! We recently had a nice interview with a RD who runs support groups in Hong Kong for PWD.
http://www.tudiabetes.org/video/master-chat-series-diabetes-distress-and-the-emotional-side-of-diabetes/

VJ spoke on the emotional side of diabetes. I’ll see if I can find contact information for her. I’m sure she would be able to get you connected to a support group.

@MarieB Oh WOW! that’s so amazing!!! thanks so much for your help, i will check it out now ! : )

I can’t seem to find any infor on where her clinic is located. Maybe @EmilyC can give us some direction. I also will ask another person who may know her

Dear @MarieB it’s very interesting… you know why, cause I realise I went to the same high school as she did!!! (though not during the same time)… but thanks soooo much for your help. (I already know i will hesitate in reaching out to her… i will be thinking very long before actually doing it… even though i know i should…)

she was really nice, and very sensitive & understanding. I’m sure you’ll like her as much as I did.

GOOD NEWS, my contact has her email and she’s going to be private messaging me. I’ll send you her contact info privately here. be on the lookout for a small green circle in the upper right of your screen here.

I got in touch with VJ this morning and have messaged you her email and telephone number, let us know what happens!

Dear @MarieB thanks so much you’re so so kind and amazing, this is like a little miracle really : )
Going to bed now, but will lookout for your message