I can go along for several months not worrying about diabetes too much, but then I'll read or hear something scary about it. Or something will happen to make me aware of the tremendous toll it's taking on me and I will automatically go into panic mode. It will last for several days where I'll think that absolute worst is going to happen to me.
Don't get me wrong. I have pretty good numbers these days, but there was a time in my life when I didn't. I have been at this 27 years and changes are starting to happen, especially with my eyes. I just learned I have to start another round of lasering and injections in my eyes. That's what has set me off this time. I have been panicked since last week.
Does this happen to anyone else? Or is it just me?
When my meter reads thirty-something, and I eat, and drink, and eat some more, and the meter's still stuck under 70, a little bit of panic does set in... and I'm really, really careful for a couple of days. Not a good feeling.
I completely get what you're saying Cinderfella. I'm the same way - when I read about someone with diabetes and severe complications or an early death, I get a lump in my stomach. I try to live for each day but sometimes it gets to me.
On a more immediate note of fear... those straight down arrows on my Dex strike fear in my heart every time! Luckily it doesn't happen very often, but it happens. Like yesterday...
I was driving home from work and hear the Dex alarm, pull it out of my pocket and it says 62 with a straight down arrow... heart pounding, stuff my mouth with sweetarts until I could pull over. Thankfully it all worked out fine and I got through it without majorly overtreating but I was in panic mode. Weird thing is that I had not bolused since 7:30 a.m. and this was 5 p.m. - I had tested less than an hour earlier and I was steady at 103.
me too! sometimes I love my dex and other times it brings more panic. often it will read low and i'm not low, at least what my meter says, but it's buzzin' and double arrows and i'm freakin' out thinking i'm gonna crash here so I sometimes over correct. trying to not do this though. plus, once i correct it does take a while for the dex to read it.
I panic all the time, mostly because with all my efforts I NEVER have a perfect day anymore. I hate to say it but after 50 years of diabetes I was much happier (not healthier)when I did not care and did not pay attention to my diabetic future. But I want to survive.
I only truly PANIC in weird situations, like in front of my grandbabies (Grandma is strange enough already!!! :D) I hate the fact that nothing is stable, so with all my efforts, I rarely have downtime. It is SUPER stressful.
Last night I struggled again with evening gastroperasis. Rolled over about 1 AM anmd found my husband on his side, head resting in hand, watching and protecting me. I am thankful but it still really freaks me out. For me PANIC = WANTING TO BE NORMAL.
I frequently panic over the "what ifs" - what if I lose my insurance coverage? what if y health deteriorates to the point that I'm a huge burden to someone? what if I have to go back on dialysis (was on for 14 months and my kidneys got better - have been off for over a year)? what if I go blind? what if I meet someone new and they think I'm a freak? what if my niece and nephews get it? and on it goes. But, you know, if I weren't worrying about db complications and the future, I'd probably be ruminating about something else.
(Dx'd in '74; living a vibrant and fulfilling life in spite of multiple complications
I have for years worried about complications. Then I had sons and well the worry went to hyper drive. Now they are fine, my complications are few and all that worry just made it worse. Then of course I had grandchildren. Well the worry beat goes on.
I feel panic sometimes in situations I feel might get out of control. When I am alone and have a reading of 2 that is not coming up and I'm feeling dizzy, or a reading of 25 that is not coming down and I'm feeling sick, then I start to feel freaked out.
I used to worry about complications a lot. I pretty much NEVER have a day where I have stable readings all day. A "good" day for me is about 50% or 75% of readings in range. I don't know why this is, but it just is, no matter what I do. I used to freak out every time I read articles about super strict control and how if I go high at ALL I am killing myself and so on. But then I experienced a bunch of health issues not related to diabetes, and close family members did as well, and I decided it wasn't worth the stress.
I do the best I can every day and I can't really control what happens in the future. I could spend my life in a little room controlling all variables and still come down with some horrible disease. I have spent my entire life dealing with various (for the most part completely unrelated) health issues of varying severity and with varying degrees of effect on my daily life. My parents are some of the healthiest people I know, have no history of major health problems, and within the past two years each has faced major health issues (which they are thankfully now recovered/recovering from).
Whether it's a diabetes complication or a completely unrelated health problem, I know I will deal with whatever comes along when it comes alone. In the meantime, it's not worth worrying over, so I usually don't (although I know that's way easier said than done sometimes!).
oh, another thing I'm starting to 'panic' over or be concerned about is the fact that sometimes I feel crappy, weak, muscles ache even when my blood sugars are good. this concerns me. it's just this nasty disease. our bodies don't work right. seems like any type of fluctuation in BG's I tend to feel. Guess it's because I TRY to keep tight control.
It is definitely not "just you." I feel panic when my BG # won't come down from the 200 range for a whole day, and I don't know why. It is like I can feel the sugar racing thru my veins and bringing on complications. Like Jen says,you do the best you can every day and not worry about the future. Every day brings new #'s and I just plod along and try to keep them in the normal range as best I can.
I was changing the 2 AA batteries in my PDM(Omnipod) and I got this green display which normally goes away but this time it did not. I took the batteries out and put them back in and then it asks me to reset the time and date. After I did this I must have hit the wrong button because it de-activated my pod and I had to replace it - all this at dinnertime - now I try to bolus and it tells me ir can't calculate my bolus until 8:45 so I gave myself what I thought was correct for what I was eating - Panic Mode! But it worked!
I PROPOSE the thing which causes us much PANIC are our illusion(s) of control. A different approach, less hyper-vigilance, beaten to death at any opportunity with the ideal of control... Is it such a huge puzzle?
We are actively and deliberately terrified of complications, told bad things are absolutely certain unless we have some idealized "good" control. Myself I would be worried if you were not frightened. Eyes complications are understandably pretty spooky.
It is not panic if there is shark actively in the water in which we are swimming!
Doesn't sound remotely "abnormal" to me, sounds intelligent frankly.
Is it interfering with your ability to leave the house? Interfering with your ability to have fun, to live, to thrive in ways you want, wish or need?
Can you give us some more details, particulars of this panic?
As I said, I can go along for weeks at a time without giving it much thought. But something scary has happened which has brought it all to the forefront. So, now, I’m in panic mode. I have been this way for a week. You see I have quarterly injections of Avastin to keep my retinopathy under control. My next shot is next Thursday. I need to make it another whole week. I have already started having eye bleeds because the last shot has worn off. Anyone who has ever had an eye bleed knows that it takes two seconds for the bleed to happen and two months for the traces of blood to clear out of your eye. Each bleed leaves a little more debris. I’m just afraid that by the time I get to next Thursday, its going to be pretty hard to see. In the meantime, I have work and important obligations to honor. When I get like this, I don’t want to do anything but stay home with the covers up over my head. So to answer your question, yes. The panic interferes with my ability to go out, to have fun, to thrive.
Spoken with the eye doctor him/her self? Told them exactly whats happening to you?
You are "preaching to the choir" I have an abrasion which never heals... trust me I get it. The last eye doctor appt. I shared my belief "complications" are guaranteed regardless of efforts/success, and the doctor giggled, and reminded me in a teasing way that I'm doing pretty @(#@&@#&@ good for a "corpse".
Got kind of fond of the image... perception matters somehow?
