maybe it’s the thought of my impending trip to the endo which is coming up next week. i think i might be struck by a case of the ‘white coat syndrome’ i remember kerri writing about. you know how we get all these weird, off-the-wall thoughts whenever a doctor’s visit approaches?
well, i had this dream a couple of nights ago.
i dreamt that the doctor had run my blood test - the one which will tell me if i’m a type 1 or type 2 diabetic. i specifically recall her saying that i have type 1 diabetes. i was in her office, and she was holding my test results. she then said clearly, "daena, you have type 1 diabetes. you’ll be insulin-dependent for life."
well i admit being at high risk for type 2 diabetes - i’m on the plump side, and i am asian. i think asians have a higher risk of developing type 2 diabetes. and oh, i didn’t discover the joy of running BEFORE diagnosis. all the risk factors add up. which is why i suspect that i’m a very young type 2 in the first place, to be honest.
i’m not a doctor, so i can’t diagnose myself. though i did give it a shot.
sometimes all this uncertainty gets to me a little. all i know is that i have diabetes. i don’t know if i’ll have to eventually invest in a pump, or start reading up on metformin and other drugs. all i can do is to be good to myself, eat right and all that stuff.
but that got me thinking. if freudian theories are right, and dreams really are our subconscious desires, maybe i do want to be diagnosed with type 1 diabetes…if that’s not stretching it too far 
p/s: i realise i like writing down song lyrics as my titles. (:
I just got done with my endo appt. and the anxiety the comes along beforehand. Whatever happens, just think that after it’s over you won’t have to worry about it for awhile! Hope Everything goes well, and if you have questions it helps to write them down before you go in.