Today I wish I could talk with my mother. I want to tell her how overwhelmed I am with all my new health conditions, my new restrictions.
I had the damaging autoimmune disease, Juvenile Rheumatoid, from the age of twelve. It seems like yesterday that I was sixteen and overheard my doctor tell my mother that I would be dead or in a wheelchair by the time I was twenty-one years old. I didn’t tell my mother that I’d overheard that conversation, but from that moment forward I made all my own decisions, including all the life-changing ones. I’m sure I was a real handful for my parents! Still they were always supportive. When I visited them in the years to come, Mother always said at some point, “I know what you’ve done!” That statement was meant to convey that her daughter was someone akin to Wonder Woman. I want to hear her say that again today!
I “knew” my mother better than most people “knew” her. When I’d remark on Mom’s wit to her friends, many of them would just stare at me–they just knew Mom to be a serious grade-school teacher. I saw and enjoyed the fact that she would talk seriously for a while, then with a totally dead-pan face, drop a concluding dry witticism. I’d always snort and giggle, and her face would light up for me. Today I need to stop being so overwhelmed and frustrated. Today I need my Mom’s totally unpredictable witticism, so I can snort and giggle again.