This post originally appeared early in 2009
What is it about diabetes that gives it the ability to play with our emotions so well? Recently, I found myself in a situation, which gave me an opportunity to help a close friend of mine. Within a 24-hour period, I found myself going from feeling elated, grateful, and awestruck to feeling, well, let's just say way less than that. I felt all the former things from simply having been given an opportunity to try and help, and then felt even more of the same after finding a way to actually make it happen. All of my BG tests during this timeframe were pretty much in what I would consider a normal range for me, which would be anywhere from 100 to 130.
On the other hand, about three hours ago, I came home after having run some errands. I worked out for a while, and then took a restroom break. My brain must've been in slow motion, because it seemed like it took a long time to register that the thing hanging down by my foot was the obviously less than durable medical device formally attached to my thigh. I immediately reached for my meter, did a quick test, and upon seeing a most less than awesome 420,000 (it might just as well have been, from the way it made me feel), [okay it was more like 420] I immediately began to feel a rage welling up inside. For those of you that know me even a little bit, you know that this is very very much not normal Tim territory. I tend to stay fairly even most of the time and very much on the 'up' end of the scale. All I knew was that I didn’t want to deal with this at that particular moment (can you say NEVER!?!?), nor did I want to have any memory of it later. Where’s my brain bleach anyway?
So in addition to my family, it is usually during these times that I am drawn to turn to the DOC. Sometimes I post, but often during a time of highs or lows I simply read a blog or some of the twitter posts without commenting. I will sometimes withhold comment simply wondering if what would come out will not be interpreted as I meant it because of what the high or the low is doing to me. Other times I withhold comment because I know that it WILL be interpreted exactly as I meant it, and because of the altered state my brain is in during those moments, what I might say and even think might be 180° the opposite of what I would ever say or even think when my numbers are in the normal range. The point here is that simply being around people that I know will understand helps. Because they've been there. Because they are there. And until the day the cure comes for all of us, unfortunately we will all continue to be there. But the absolutely cool thing is we are all here. Now. Together. Listening. Learning. Challenging and encouraging each other. Leaning on each other. Standing back-to-back, swords drawn, ready to slay the lame poser of a sucky dragon called diabetes. How cool is that?
And oh yeah, if I haven't said it lately, thanks DOC for being you, and being there. And thanks Manny and Andreina, for all you do to keep us going. I owe you big. And just know, when and if you need, I got your back.
In what ways has 'd' had an effect on your emotions? What do you do during those times? How has the DOC been of help to you?