I’m new here at tudiabetes but not new to diabetes. I am 19 years old and have been type 1 since I was 3.
As hard as I try not let diabetes rule my life, in the end I must admit it does. Many have said that you can do anything a normal person can do but with me it’s not true. Diabetes has limited my activities and my acceptance in social groups all my life. As hard as I keep trying to fool myself, in the end I have to admit I’m not “normal”, I’m diabetic.
I am what we call Sansei, third generation Japanese. My grandparents were born in Japan. I was born and raised in Hawaii on the north shore of Oahu. My father is a doctor with a large practice, my mother was a nurse. I have 2 younger sisters and a younger brother. I am the only diabetic in my family, and if it is genetic, we don’t know where I inherited if from. I’ve been living with my aunt in La Jolia while I study Earth sciences at a local college.
I’m going through a hard time, I’ve had depression before but this time it’s worse. Of course it all centers around diabetes. I worry about my future, when will I start to suffer complications, will I ever have a normal marriage, will I be able to have children and will they be normal and a thousand other things. When I was home I could shake it by hanging with my family and friends and spend time on the beach. Here I’m out of my element, I’ve been dating a lot but haven’t found anyone I really care for, nobody I can confide in. I don’t drink or do drugs and I’m not very promiscuous so I don’t fit in with most men my age.
I have a major life decision to make and I hate to make in my depressed state. I’ve been thinking of returning home and taking a year off school to find myself. Then I might return here or go to school at home.
WELCOME!!! Bless your heart so much to decide on and your depressed too! Been there done that . I have been a Type 1 for almost 37 years now and I can tell you you will have a different kind of marriage. One where you teach him to eat healthy things. I have 2 girls one is 21 (soon to be 22) and the other is 20. My 21 year old is also a Type 1 and she has given me 3 beatiful grandchildern!
Babe I am sorry that your having such a hard time and diabetes has its way of making everything worse then it is.
Try and look at some positives rather then the negatives I think thats one thing that has helped me and those social groups that have not taken you in I say its their lose because I think a diabetic is a strong person and not one of them in the group is as strong as you are.We are proud to welcome you into our society with a big hug and kiss.
Most of us are fighting the same evil monster and at times we will have good days as well as bad days but make sure you speak up there are some wonderful people on here all ages and backgrounds who will offer advice and support.
Hi sweetie…I’m so sorry that you have to endure all that garbage. Don’t “try” to fit in…just be yourself. I know that you feel a need to be accepted, we all do, but if the group you’re trying to mesh with is giving you the cold shoulder, or expecting you to partake in a way that makes you uncomfortable, or just simply refuse to accept YOU for whom you are, then they are the wrong people. Are you on medication for your depression? I think taking a year off to get to know your way is a good idea…however, you MUST commit to being involved…if possible, volunteer in an area that would open the door to meeting the right people. Is there someone you can talk it over with? As well, continue your connection with tudiabetes…here, we understand one another…there is support, and replies are non-judgmental. You are a very strong person to have dealt with diabetes for 16 years. It is said that children who have a serious chronic condition mature more quickly…this is apparent by your comments. Perhaps the reason you don’t fit in with most men your age, is because you are more mature…while they are still little boys with only one thing on the brain…having a “good time”.
Hang on to what you believe in Chisaki…YOU ARE A WINNER.
Welcome here Chisaki. Maybe you are the only diabetic in your family, but here, we are a but family that could understand your problems and issues with diabetes.
I’m diabetic for 17 years now. And I did some things that diabetic couldn’t do, or aren’t suppose to do. Often, it is the others that put limits for us. Since we decide to be the only one that put limits on us, you may be surprised of what you can do.
Don’t ask yourself if you are able to swin on the other side of the river. Build yourself your bridge and go on the other side by yourself.
If you look back in the past and look at your 16 years with diabetes, tell yourself, Hey, I did it !!! And look forward and say, I’ll do it !
Have no regrets in life. Diabetes is with you and it is normal that it takes some place in your decisions. So if you think you’re able to finish your school, go for it. But if you think it is better for you, your thoughts and you spirit to re-focus and re-center on yourself to take a year off, do it. And after, don’t look in the past with regrets. When you make your decision, you think of the pros and cons and at that moment, it is the best decision. Nobody will take your decision for yourself.
You just have to be in peace with yourself.
And if you need more help, come here and ask for, we are a big community and the “support” is our best sellers 
Hello and Welcome Sweetie…oh boy, the wonderful “D”…well, first of all you have to give yourself credit for having diabetes this long. Feeling overwhelmed is normal, and we are all here to help and truly understand. Dating…just have fun, the right one will come along when you are least expecting it and YES you will find somebody that understands and cares about you even with diabetes. Don’t rush it. School…don’t take a break, you may lose your way…just take a few enjoyable classes and maybe lighten your regular schedule. You are young and beautiful…anything is possible, really. Keep Hope in your heart and look around for the good, it is everywhere if you open your eyes to it. It will be okay and someday you will have babies and all that you desire, just take it slow. xo Robyn
You have handled it well for 16 years and I admire you for it. At your age, you are confronting a scary period in growing up which should not become entangled with being a diabetic. I recall those "what if "items and wondered what I should do or become. D did not enter my life for another 55 years. Things worked out then and being diabetic now is another consideration in daily living. I am grateful for all the experiences and fullness of life that I had and continue to enjoy. This octogenerian wishes you well and hope that you find this message encouraging. Never give up. You can enjoy a rich, full life, diabetes and all.
Welcome to the sweetest place on earth. Almost literally. We’ve got glucose to spare. I’m impressed. I was 13 when I was diagnosed. A diagnosis at 3 had to have been a hard row to hoe. That constant worry about complications is maddening. Every time I got a lower back ache, I KNEW my kidneys were failing. It really can make you a wreck. Diabetes does dictate how we live our lives. But there are tons of people out there who will love you without regard to your nearly undetectable chronic condition. You surely can have children – you’ve already demonstrated that you responsibly care for yourself. That’s a lot of the focus. I have also limited myself in some of my activities. I’m finding out more and more that the limitation was something I had constructed. Self-care does become such a habit that you manage to accept whatever challenges you accept. All of the things you mention can weigh you down. Right now, don’t do what you don’t want to do. You’ve had a 24-hour a day job since you were 3. Damn straight you-have-had-it-up-to-here! (hand over forehead, yes I am all about the hyperbole) It is really okay if you want to stop, take a moment, and take a deep breath. Time with your family seems to be solid and supportive. The world will continue to turn. You are just hitting maturity so you’ve got some time to figure it out. Really you should take a bow. You aren’t alone anymore either. People here understand. There are some very inspirational folk in these parts. The information you can get from this site is astonishing. And everyone gets it. Robyn is very wise in her advice to keep your oar in the education pond. But it is never wrong to reconsider your path to your ultimate goal. The folks here are really, really good and kind. I’ve been amazed (I’m new here, too). Is there any student health service that provides counseling? A couple of visits with someone might help you clarify your thinking and align your priorities. You are – for the record – quite lovely.
I understand what you mean, I have only had it for three years. I wish I had the comfort of friends in family, but I haven’t. Most of the time Its just me and tudiabetes :). Follow your heart, nothing wrong with taking a break. I also understand finding friends(for me its friends not men, but i get it) that don’t drink do drugs etc. Hope you find the peace your looking for.
Making decisions while depressed is hard, for sure. Depression can be treated, even if if is due to diabetes. If you can talk to your dr about getting some medications or counseling it really might help.
Also, as an aside, being 19 and way from home for the first time is very tough. It was really hard for me, and would have been harder if I had diabetes then (I got it later). I ended up transferring colleges and was very glad I did. For me that was the right choice. But whatever you decide, know this things will get better in the future, you are just in a hard place right now.
I read a book that I would definitely recommend, called “Beating the Odds” by Richard Vaughn. I recently read it and it really gave me hope. The author has had diabetes since he was little (6 I think) and now he is 70 or more and I don;t think he has any complications. Amazing story. He is also a member here, BTW.
Yes, your life is and will always be a little different because of diabetes. But yes, you can have a normal happy marriage, healthy kids and the whole deal. You may be a little more mature right now than your peers, but don’t worry they will catch up. The drinker and potheads I knew in college are now successful adults (at least for the most part) who gave up their partying ways long ago.
You wil find friends you like and a true love. It just takes time. Focus in just treating yourself well and being the best you you can be.
(((Big Hugs)))
I have also been T1 since I was 3 and I am also the only one, and it has been rough sometimes, kids can be cruel, teenagers can be malicious, adults can be dismissive, and feeling at odds with yourself makes it harder to find a group to fit in with ( i know how desperately I wanted to fit in), and all the while having to manage the big D, all that responsibility and worry can make you feel older than your years and peers. I think at the same age I felt burnt out too.
Talking helps. Talk to whoever you can about how you’re feeling, us at Tu, your doctor, a counsellor, your family. See about getting something to help with the depression, there are plenty of medications that can just take the edge of the bleakness that you’re feeling, which is a start to getting back on track.
Try not to worry about the future (easier said than done I know, but I have been in a similar position to you), No-one knows what tomorrow will bring. Live for today, love, companionship, friendship is often found in the unlikeliest of places and when you’re least expecting it, (I found my greatest friend completely by accident 4 years ago.)
Do one thing everyday, that is just for you, for example paint your nails, or read a favourite book or sign up for something you always wanted to try etc because you are worth it.
Welcome chriski to TU. You came to the right place and will find answers and inspiration on this site. If you make a commitment to yourself to read a few posts each day on this web site you will be feeling better about your “D” by this time next year.
Its a great community here. Again welcome and all the best
Hey Chriski,
Thanks for sharing your post. Many of your experiences hit home and it wasn’t until I made a conscious decision to change my life (not just D) did things get better…
I was diagnosed at 8 - nearly dead and slipping in and out of a coma. I remember every last detail as if it were yesterday. As a child it was harder to deal with and when I soon realized what I had to do to stay healthy and avoid such complications, I felt empowered.
It sound odd but the emphasis on good eating habits and regular exercise changed my life. Not only did it help keep my sugars stable, it boosted my confidence and allowed me to enjoy life and the wonderful foods and experiences brought with it.
I understand depression as I’ve suffered from it before. The best advice I can give you would be to make a life change - re-evaluate your friends, where you’re going with your life, how you can manage this disease better, and what kind of life you want to live. Make a list of all of the things that make you happy as well.
I kept a happy journal for a while in which every day I would write down one thing that made me happy. Just one sentence, After a month you see patterns.
You mustn’t feel sorry for yourself, Chriski. This disease is very annoying and comes with scary potential consequences, but honestly, you can enjoy an absolutely wholesome, fantastic life.
You mentioned that your diabetes makes you an outcast. How so?
I am married to the most wonderful, gorgeous, kind man in the world and my diabetes has never once been an issue. On the contrary. The dedication I have towards making this disease as easy as it can be has been a motivation to my husband and to my friends.
You ARE normal Chriski. You’re a normal bright and beautiful person who unfortunately has a disease.
Look at what some other people have to go through and you will realize how special your life is.
On a side note, if you’re truly depressed I would recommend therapy over medication. I had a horrible experience with antidepressants, I’d be happy to share with you.
Rebi
Hi Rebi - I do feel like an outcast here, not only because of diabetes. I was raised in a different world from here. My family here don’t understand me and I don’t understand them. It looks like I’ll be here for 2-3 more years so I’ll just have to make the best of it.
I don’t feel sorry for myself but I do still have a case of the “why me’s” and I probably always will. I’ve pretty much gotten over the worst of the diabetic depression, once I get back to my studies, I’ll be OK, I have to be I have no choice.
Chisaki
Hi Chisaki…and good morning (well, it’s morning here anyway!!)
I’m relived to hear that you are remaining active…as you say, getting back to your studies makes you feel better.
That’s very true…it keeps your mind focused on something else.Have you ever thought of volunteering with children? Bet you would be good at it, as, from your writing and photos, I understand you to be a very sensitive and patient person. Perhaps helping out in the library (reading to little ones)…or volunteering at a primary school??
You’re a student, so you can’t devote too much time volunteering…but a couple of hours in a week…everyone would benefit.
Luv ya, keep in touch will ya…linda
It’s not that I don’t like children, because I do, but it makes me sad to be around them. I was hurt last year and spent 15 days in the hospital, they told me I probably could never have children. It had nothing to do with diabetes.
If the online classes don’t work out, I might consider volunteering at a library.
I sympathize with you…as I could never carry full term; and yes…it hurts…a lot!
Go where your heart beckons!! xxx
Just wanted to say Chisaki…that when we were ready, my husband and I adopted our children…and never regretted it. The fact that I didn’t give birth to them is irrelevant. They are OUR children, and we couldn’t love them any more had I given birth to them.
Thanks for that…