Frustrations, anger, gratitude and attitude; just venting

i have been having a really hard time w/ several D things that seemed to have happened all at once. i want to scream, cry, punch my husband, stop eating altogether, eat whatever the heck i want w/out caring about the damage i would be doing.

i want pizza and grilled cheese sandwiches and coffee with cream and sugar. i want a nice fatty piece of steak w/ french fries. i want fried foods, donuts, bagels, creamed cheese and pancakes with syrup and tons of butter, ice cream, ovaltein, malted milk shakes.

basically, i am exhausted from being a chemist; novolog, insulin pumps, infusion sites, introducer needles, tiny pieces of plastic stuck to my belly, CGM sensors which require just so much effort, dual bolusing, highs, lows…the endless relentless effort to control the uncontrollable. A1c results….

don’t get me wrong: when i was first dx, there were no “fast acting” insulins. there were only 2 choices that i knew of : beef or pork R. then came the others, like NPH, etc. wow!!! we live in a time of high tech solutions to sooooo many problems which help keep us alive every day. they help us to be healthy, they teach us how to care for ourselves, they bring us together as a group so that we may share our lives, our stories, our trials and tribulations…

i have gratitude. but today, i am just really angry. i just want one little day off from being D. i want a go-free-pass to eat and do whatever i want.

sorry if i am bumming anyone out. please share your stories w/ me. i want to know i am not alone.

Replying from mobile device Android. So which frustration? How about the new one, keeping up with new technology? Dexcom does not require any work to keep it operating, the Medtronic was too much for me. Before times in the long long ago I was determined to get every new advance. Now there are too many. How about getting some islet cells implanted in one of the many human tests? now there’s a g5 and I haven’t yet started up my g4. In another 18 months a bionic pancreas and pump out of warranty will coincide. Will that work with Android or just Apple? :slight_smile:

the problems that i have been having w/ my sensor is that i am too thin, and i hadn’t been able to find any “sweet spot” to attach it to. i would hit a muscle, a blood vessel, a nerve; it wouldn’t stay on, it wouldn’t w/stand a shower let alone a bath or an afternoon at the beach. i could barely get three days out of it if i were lucky. but i am happy to say that i rode it out and even though i haven’t been able to put on any weight, i contorted myself and put the darn sensor on my lower back where i was able to pull up enough skin.

yes, i do like the new technology, but OMG; its so much to keep track of. i keep unbelievable notes to help me remember all my successes and all my failed experiments.

I don’t have a story that would even be interesting other than I’ve had diabetes for a long long long time and a pump for most of that time and never run into the struggles like you seem to, Daisy_Mae. I eat what I want, when I want, and match the choice with the right amount of insulin. Every now and then I have a up or down but it’s not every minute of every hour of every day!. I don’t find any reason to constantly experiment with my condition and never learn how to manage it for real.

I notice that you have been pumping for a lot of years (I saw a post where the title said 4, but the reply said 11 ?!?), so I can’t understand why you don’t know how to manage with your pump or even know or understand it’s features. If you want to eat “pizza and grilled cheese sandwiches and coffee with cream and sugar. i want a nice fatty piece of steak w/ french fries. i want fried foods, donuts, bagels, creamed cheese and pancakes with syrup and tons of butter, ice cream, ovaltein, malted milk shakes.”, then do it. You will need to figure out how much insulin will cover any food choice. You really should know how to do this by now!

You are not alone in dealing with diabetes and sometimes being met with challenge, so I will say I understand your feelings. I’d like a day off, but I’ve got a crew that does not need me messing up their lives because I don’t want to deal with my health.

Maybe try taking a day off from Dramabetes and figure out how to manage your Diabetes so it is not the focus of your every second. I wish you well.

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that’s not true. I used to think that way. Low carbing makes a huge difference in keeping bg swings to a minimum. Might not be fun, but it works to accomplish the task of reducing wildly moving blood sugars.

Cut out all the white foods. You will get used to it. Once in a while, indulge, but not often enough to resume bad habits.

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Two things I would do if you’re feeling this burned out:

  1. Eat those foods you really want. Who cares if your blood sugar goes out of whack once or twice if it’ll make you feel less frustrated. Record how you bolus and what your blood sugar does so that you can learn how to handle the food the next time you’re really craving it.

  2. Maybe take a pump or CGM vacation. I’ve done this in the past when I’ve become extremely frustrated with allergy issues related to the pump, and found that even just a short vacation (under a week) decreased my frustration and gave me renewed appreciation for the technology.

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i am on the pump for 14+ years. i’ve had D for 30+ years. i am happy that you are able to get away w/ eating all those foods that you described but i know that that does not cover all of us Ds. i am completely intolerant to some types of foods. perhaps you cannot understand that. i felt very hurt by your remark that " ( I ) should really know how to do this by now." i felt it very insensitive. i am not a chemist. however hard i try, i calculate, i weigh, i keep impeccable notes, i am aware of all the normal fluctuations that are out of our control, but there are, for some of us, many more things that are out of our control as well, no matter how hard we try to make it otherwise. i am very very proud that my A1c is 6.5. i know that i have earned it. i am simply frustrated and very sad, and i was hoping for some sympathy. not pity. and certainly not harsh criticism.

[quote=“Daisy_Mae, post:7, topic:47472, full:true”]
i am on the pump for 14+ years. i’ve had D for 30+ years. i am happy that you are able to get away w/ eating all those foods that you described but i know that that does not cover all of us Ds. i am completely intolerant to some types of foods. perhaps you cannot understand that. i felt very hurt by your remark that " ( I ) should really know how to do this by now." i felt it very insensitive. i am not a chemist. however hard i try, i calculate, i weigh, i keep impeccable notes, i am aware of all the normal fluctuations that are out of our control, but there are, for some of us, many more things that are out of our control as well, no matter how hard we try to make it otherwise. i am very very proud that my A1c is 6.5. i know that i have earned it. i am simply frustrated and very sad, and i was hoping for some sympathy. not pity. and certainly not harsh criticism.
[/quote]I never said I ate all of those things. In fact I enjoy a boat load of Nutritional, Healthy, Natural foods to keep me from fluctuating, and managing my own diabetes as well as conditions that might actually kill me if not not managed. I am sorry you felt hurt by my comments. I did not mean to be unsympathetic. I just mean to display a healthy, happy, hopeful person instead of one who is constantly frustrated and sad. I have worn an A1c in the normal range for years and years, and I don’t struggle as said before. I hope you can find a way to get “control” of your health and diabetes. I think Jen’s advice to consider a pump break is an excllent one. I am not criticizing, I am wishing you wellness!

thank you. its just one day at a time.

My advice about your sensor is to call Dex about it. It should last through a shower, it’s designed to. The company doesn’t expect us to never shower or bathe or swim. I’m hoping that you get replacements, also, when they don’t last a full week.

She did respond so there is surely a good intention. She read your venting as you titled it. I didn’t even read it word for word. It’s understandable we tire of the effort. It’s understandable we look for words of encouragement and uplift. The exchange was so imperfect and real. Thanks be we have this forum to meet the needs we share to connect with like endeavoring folk. We can do so much more when we know every five minutes what out blood sugars likely are. The positive examples of victory help. I’m having some small successes attempting to keep my BG normal. Doesn’t mean I’m young.

DaisyM, just remember you do not have to do it all at once… I went from 2 injections a day R/NPH to medtronic pump back in 03. It took me about 3-4 years before my A1c’s were as good as I had them on injections. I had been comfortable with pump and testing often for about 7 years when I tried CGM and it sent me over edge, kind of what you’re going off on. It was too much time and effort for me as I live alone and have to take care of everything else in life myself. So I bailed on the CGM and have not looked back. That was my stress tipping point to my diabetes management. Yours may be different but it might not hurt to try a vacation away and see how you do and feel.

thank you aaron10. your response helped me feel more “a part of” our TuD community. i felt very hurt by her commentary regarding my approach to my effort at maintaining good, healthy BGs. i am challenged every day, b/c i deal w/ other problems, but overall i think i do a relatively good job. also, i know that i do ask many questions. i ask them simply so that i may continue on my journey to be the best i can be. not every D has found access to all the wonderful info as others.
again, thank you,
Daisy Mae.

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yes MissMargie, i call dex right away for replacement sensors. they are always accommodating. also, i weighed myself this morning, and i have gained 2 pounds. i thought i might be gaining a little weight, b/c i was able to find a “sweet spot” for inserting my sensor.
Yippie. :smile:

I guess we have an online community in which our peculiar outlook being colored by diabetes is more easily accepted, where we are responded to other than the blank stare of incomprehension or the judgement of being fit into the non-D experience to assuming we’re alternately hi on drugs and lazy.