i have been having a really hard time w/ several D things that seemed to have happened all at once. i want to scream, cry, punch my husband, stop eating altogether, eat whatever the heck i want w/out caring about the damage i would be doing.
i want pizza and grilled cheese sandwiches and coffee with cream and sugar. i want a nice fatty piece of steak w/ french fries. i want fried foods, donuts, bagels, creamed cheese and pancakes with syrup and tons of butter, ice cream, ovaltein, malted milk shakes.
basically, i am exhausted from being a chemist; novolog, insulin pumps, infusion sites, introducer needles, tiny pieces of plastic stuck to my belly, CGM sensors which require just so much effort, dual bolusing, highs, lows…the endless relentless effort to control the uncontrollable. A1c results….
don’t get me wrong: when i was first dx, there were no “fast acting” insulins. there were only 2 choices that i knew of : beef or pork R. then came the others, like NPH, etc. wow!!! we live in a time of high tech solutions to sooooo many problems which help keep us alive every day. they help us to be healthy, they teach us how to care for ourselves, they bring us together as a group so that we may share our lives, our stories, our trials and tribulations…
i have gratitude. but today, i am just really angry. i just want one little day off from being D. i want a go-free-pass to eat and do whatever i want.
sorry if i am bumming anyone out. please share your stories w/ me. i want to know i am not alone.