I have been type 1 since February 2011, diagnosed midway through law school at the ripe ol’ age of 22. I finished law school, passed the bar, and am now a prosecuting attorney (4 years in January).
From November of 2015 until last September, I was in a position that I loved and excelled at (prior to that I was in a stressful position that made me want to leave my job, as it gave me blood sugar issues). In September, I took advantage of a job opening in my office that is by definition far more stressful than most jobs (special victims prosecutor). It was a big leap for me, totally outside of my comfort zone, but I figured that since I am now more experienced with diabetes than I ever have been, I would be able to cope.
It’s been about 5 months now, and I am struggling. While my blood sugar management and knowledge is better than it has been (A1c is 5.5-6%), the new role is taking its toll on me. I am in a constant state of stress and worry about my cases, which not only leaves me drained on its own, but has led to an increase in lows while I’m sleeping and bad night sweats. During the day I’m tired, and after work/on weekends all I want to do or can do is sleep/try to recuperate to have energy for the week.
I talked to my old supervisor about switching back to my old job (a monkeywrench being that my new position typically carries a 2yr commitment and it’s only been 5months), and she said she would be okay with it. She brought up some points that I think are valid:
-is it the newness of the role/stress that is causing my issues, and will that go away in a couple months? My response is maybe, but even if it is, I am not sure if I can handle feeling so exhausted and crappy until I figure that out
-did my diabetes get worse, which is impacting my job, or is the job impacting my diabetes? The second, because before that I didn’t have these issues
-am I copping out? Well…am I? I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that T1D is a disability and by definition disables me, so even when I want to do things, I am limited. Recognizing those limits is difficult.
So my issue is that I am having trouble explaining this chronic illness to healthy people because they do have valid questions and alternative hypotheses, but inside I am just screaming “this job is making my control harder and my life more tired, please just accept how all-encompassing my disease is”. Not to mention, other diabetics at my office (T1 and T2) “handle” it better/differently than I do, which I know will be another basis for the question of what is motivating me. Of course, I am always wondering if it’s legit or just me being a wimp when I feel these limits…but maybe “being a wimp” is sometimes necessary to respect the disease. After all, a job is not worth damaging my health – physical or mental. Has anyone else dealt with any of this? Any advice? TIA.
TL; DR: new role at work is more stressful and causing me to have new/different/overwhelming issues with diabetes and I don’t know how to express this or handle it best.