... and I'm an xxxxxx - oh wait a minute, that's that other group. Damn.
Okay, let's try that again...
Hi, my name is Sheri and I don't really want to be here.
We could go around the table or the room or the whole site and agree on that, yes?
This diagnosis was a not a big surprise for me. I had a fasting blood glucose done a year ago because I was feeling really tired after meals. Sometimes stuporous. Often stumble-to-the-couch for a nap sort of tired. If I remember correctly, my fasting glucose was 129, and high normal (according to my lab result paper) was 126. My doctor sent me a letter saying I should re-test in a few months, and meanwhile, perhaps I should lose a few pounds.
I laughed out loud. I am 5' 0" and weighed 135 pounds. Gosh, exactly how many pounds did he reccomend?
All right, cutting carbs was not a big deal. I did the whole ■■■■ and shebang diabetes thing while I was pregnant with my daughter, six and a half years ago. I ate carefully, tested, and shot insulin over and over and over for months. I managed it then, and I can manage it now.
I started cutting carbs and started feeling better and chose not to re-test. It was summer and I was busy, and I had a daydream that I would find private health insurance for myself and my family. Book contracts were coming my way, and writers' conferences, and ditching the day job would surely be a beautiful thing. Being diagnosed with diabetes was contrary to any goal of being insured privately.
I lost 15 pounds between May and August of 2009. All I did was cut my carb intake, and walk the dog when the weather was fine.
But here I am, 1 year later, down 19 pounds with an A1c of 6.7.
So my doctor's office sent me a letter asking me to make an appt with a Nurse Practitioner. Which I did. I just got home from that waste of time and feel aggravated and irritible. And HUNGRY.
When I made the appt, I was given the impression that it was about diabetes education. It was more about lab education, quitting smoking education, get an eye exam education, make an appointment with the diabetes nurse education. "We want to get your A1c down to 6." Yeah? Well I want to get it down to 5.something. While drinking coffee all day every day.
If I had not bought my own meter and started testing, I still would have no clue what my blood sugars were doing. "I am always hungry," I complained at today's appointment. "And can I get more tattoos, or do I have to quit that?"but she didn't have answers to those questions. She said "Let's repeat the A1c in 3 months. And see me again in 6 months. And start you on metformin."
Whoa. No thanks. I am planning to visit every drinking establishment in New Orleans, LA over a period of 6 days in May. The metformin option is going to have to wait.
"Have you thought about quitting smoking?" she asked.
"Um, yeah, who hasn't? But that's not happening right now." I feel like I am starving all the time, so it's hard enough not to stuff my face with foods that sound yummy. If I quit smoking it will be impossible to stop eating. I feel like I am wasting away. I am shrinking out of my size 6 jeans. A size that, a year ago, I said OUT LOUD that I would probalby never be again. I know - there are worse problems. And I'm not complaining about losing weight, I'm complaining about feeling like I am starving. And it's pretty obvious that losing weight was not the answer to my blood sugar issues.
I learned a lot more from my meter and from bloodsugar101.com than I learned at today's appointment. which cost me an hour and a half of my time, a $20 copay, and $2 for parking.
I don't want to be diabetic. But I can bite it and cope. I certainly don't want to lose limbs and vision. I am lucky that I can have a huge impact on what this disease does to me. (Is it a disease, or just a physical malfunction?) I can control my blood sugars, and probably by diet and exercise alone for (hopefully) a good long time. Fine. Maybe it's better to get the diagnosis now, while I'm so busy that it's just one more thing to do without having a lot of time to obsess about it. And let me note also, that I am lucky that my Dr. is wise enough to diagnose me now, while my numbers are not terrible.
But can somebody PLEASE help me fix my coffee?
Coffee with milk and 6 tsp of sugar (per 16 oz travel mug) is one of the greatest pleasures of my life. In one year I have cut the sugar from 6 tsp down to 2, and it has been fine and wonderful and good. But I have to do something more, because I carry my coffee with me all day long. I drink at least four of those 16 oz. travel mugs per day, so I want to figure out how to make that have the least effect possible on my blood sugar.
But I still want it to taste rich and good and wonderful.
Yesterday I tried sugar free coffee mate. And today. But it's just not the same. When I find the right combination to make my coffee carmel colored and smooth and rich and oh, so, yummy, I will post the secret here.
In the meantime... happy testing. (And... how can I feel starving and test 132?)