Ok, this is my first time doing ths

In 34 years I have had only two people to really confide in when it comes to my diabetes. My husband, who has been wonderful over the years, but even as close as he is to being a diabetic, my doctor calls him a Type 3 diabetic, a person living with a diabetic, he can only understand so much. The other person was a close friend who was going through cancer. She truly understood the feeling of helplessness that you get some times and the need to feel normal. Unfortunately, she passed away last summer.

So, for the first time in my life, I am reaching out to strangers. I know I should of done this a long time ago. I tend to be a perfectionist and always feel I can handle my life on my own and if it doesn’t work out, I have no one else to blame. Oh, SELF-BLAME! I am very good at that! I blame myself for every bad blood test. Deep in side I know I am not to blame, the diabetes is, but oh that doesn’t stop me.

I should mention at this time that I have been very luck in 34 years of fighting this illness. I have no major complications, I am knocking on wood as I say this. I do have the lovely side effects of blood pressure, weight gain,cataracts, thyroid minor issues and of course the big one, everyday life.

I truly can live with the 5-6 shots a day, the blood tests and the limited food choices, if I just go some reward with blod sugar readings that go along with all the hard work. To me, that is the hardest part of living this life. Doing everything the best you can and still not getting it right. There I go again, the perfectionist at work!

When I went to my doctor in November, I know my A1C would not be good from all my bad readings, but it was 7.4. Not perfect, but not bad. So what is up? And how do you tell with daily failures? Wow, that is alot of talking for someone who has never done this before.

remember it’s just one number. if it’s bad then you can work on it and try again. it’s (hopefully) a long road we have to cover you can’t beat yourself up over every misstep. thanks for sharing

Keep reinforcing the idea that it’s just a number! I’ve found that reading about other people’s experiences here (especially the frustrations that others have w/ bad results despite hard work orunexpected ones) helps me keep it in perspective…

In some ways I feel self-blame is easier…because then you have an illusion of control…but at the same time because you can’t control everything in life, blaming yourself can become a block…so as others suggest here often (e.g. Joe_h) looking at your BS and A1C as just a number can help because then it becomes data…which you can experiment with…and as with science…it’s a lot of trial and errors (in real science rather than classroom experiments) so you should expect failures…because w/o failure you will only get “success” through luck…that is by testing a lot and finding say where you tend to go high or low, you’ll pinpoint where you need to fix your attention…

Thanks for sharing with us and for me this place is the only one I have to share things w/ people who understand :slight_smile:

3/4, I’d like to welcome you again to TuDiabetes. Welcome home. We understand what it’s like to test and test, take shots, give blood, try our hardest, day after day after day. It’s so easy to get discouraged when the numbers are not looking as good as you’d hoped (I’m a bit of a perfectionist too).

Last year we had an excellent discussion started by a member who called herself “the worst diabetic ever” - click here - I just read through most of it again, and I thought I’d point it out to you, as there was a lot of great advice from some of our wisest members. One big thing I got out of it was from our dear Kristin, who taught me not to take a high blood sugar reading as a score, it’s just a number. She says, don’t say “ooh, bad number”, say, “wow, I’m glad I caught that now instead of later”, and take a correction, and go on.

Now I’ve had type1 for 42 years, and, for me, it only seems to get harder. (I have a lot of scar tissue now, and I never know when I’m going to get a site with bad absorption.) Things reached a breaking point for me two years ago and I was in a dark place, feeling hopeless and alone and misunderstood. Somehow I stumbled on TuDiabetes. Suddenly, instead of feeling I was falling, failing, coming apart, I had a phalanx of people who completely understood, at my back, helping me back up, giving hope, good cheer, a shoulder to cry on. Now it’s a rare day that I don’t check in with my TuDiabetes family. So, anyway, there’s a lot of really good advice here, but for me, the best is the unconditional love and support I’ve found here. Look around and you will find some of the smartest and most amazing people. again, welcome home!

Although we live with a chronic disease I’m glad we don’t have to walk that narrow path we use to. I’ve lived 50 years with this disease and enjoy the new path we are able to walk. We are no longer confined to the limited choices we had years ago. Although I am now a senior citizen at times I feel younger because of the new technology and education that has helped to extend my life…

Hi and welcome to this great place where you’ve got so many people who understand where you’re coming from. Okay, so you’ve got an A1C of 7.4. Give yourself a pat on the back! 7.4 is not bad at all! There are many, many diabetics who wish they had that reading. If you’re going to look at a number, then look at that one. Obviously you are doing something right to get 7.4! You are responding to your highs and doing a good job of bringing them down when they go up. Mine is the same. I can be up and down and all over the place but my A1Cs are still good. And THAT is my success. I too am a perfectionist, but I’m in training not to be. A phrase that I repeat to myself is: “Strive for excellence, not perfection.” Well, I know that perfect doesn’t exist and not being able to pause a moment and acknowledge my accomplishment(s) is something I’ve had to work very hard at. No one in my family appreciates me projecting onto them drive to be perfect - which, admittedly, I have done in the past. Now I say to them as well, “Remember, strive for excellence, not perfection.”

I know it sounds kind of silly, but if you do that, perhaps that might help you begin accepting (and acknowledging) the fact that your effort is what counts. You are, like me, your own worst critic. I could have written most of what you expressed here. Except I’ve learned that I need to remind myself that I’m doing a pretty darned good job at this nigh on impossible feat called “living with diabetes.” I’ve had help from my doctor(s) and a counselor - (I’m a step-mom and the counselor has been a godsend - lol).

As diabetics we are tasked with struggling to keep ourselves healthy mentally AND physically! It’s a huge job and I hate it sometimes too. Okay, I hate it all the time, but what can I do about it, eh? I have to deal with it. And no perfectionist - recovering or otherwise - can turn their back on a challenge.

I hope I’m sounding like I’m right there with you. I am. I’m just doing really well keeping the “positive” at the forefront of my thinking. I savor my mental good health when I have it because … well, you know. Man, I wish I could make some people see how tough it is. Here we appreciate how hard you have to work to do this.

I’m here any time you need me. I’m glad you’re here and that you know what I go through too!

Julie Ann :slight_smile: (By the way, I’m very long-winded. I am still working on that.) :wink: