In 34 years I have had only two people to really confide in when it comes to my diabetes. My husband, who has been wonderful over the years, but even as close as he is to being a diabetic, my doctor calls him a Type 3 diabetic, a person living with a diabetic, he can only understand so much. The other person was a close friend who was going through cancer. She truly understood the feeling of helplessness that you get some times and the need to feel normal. Unfortunately, she passed away last summer.
So, for the first time in my life, I am reaching out to strangers. I know I should of done this a long time ago. I tend to be a perfectionist and always feel I can handle my life on my own and if it doesn’t work out, I have no one else to blame. Oh, SELF-BLAME! I am very good at that! I blame myself for every bad blood test. Deep in side I know I am not to blame, the diabetes is, but oh that doesn’t stop me.
I should mention at this time that I have been very luck in 34 years of fighting this illness. I have no major complications, I am knocking on wood as I say this. I do have the lovely side effects of blood pressure, weight gain,cataracts, thyroid minor issues and of course the big one, everyday life.
I truly can live with the 5-6 shots a day, the blood tests and the limited food choices, if I just go some reward with blod sugar readings that go along with all the hard work. To me, that is the hardest part of living this life. Doing everything the best you can and still not getting it right. There I go again, the perfectionist at work!
When I went to my doctor in November, I know my A1C would not be good from all my bad readings, but it was 7.4. Not perfect, but not bad. So what is up? And how do you tell with daily failures? Wow, that is alot of talking for someone who has never done this before.