How do you control your emotions in front of your child?

Hi All, Here is my question for everyone... Mom's and dad's

we are 6 months in to pumping and I am still quite struggling emotionally...

I find myself falling into a pattern of being sad and angry when blood sugars are bad,

then being a bit more happy and in a good mood when blood sugars are good.

I also tend to be a bit of a controlling personality, and a scientist, so I hope that with knowledge I will do a better job of taking care of her. Our cde told me today I need to chill out a bit, and I guess she is right...

I try not to let my 11 year old see that, because i am learning it's a war and not just a battle,

how do you deal with your emotions? yet keep them in check when the going gets rough??

Thanks, Natalie

mom of kennedy

diabetes is hard, do not make it any harder on you and your daughter. tweens and teens's bodies are going through major changes and that affects blood sugars; something that worked one day will not the next day. i tell my two sons to test regularly so we can catch and correct early the swings.
good luck

Sounds normal to me. :) I cry in the shower at least once a month, which is an improvement from every other day a year ago at DX. I took a boxing class and that helped with my anger quite a bit, now I just make sure I wear myself out at the gym good as often as possible.

Natalie, I cried MULTIPLE times EVERY day for three months after Sophia was diagnosed. It didn't matter where I was, if Sophia was there or not, I just couldn't stop it. I even cried at my gyn office discussing "other issues",the check out at the grocery store and pharmacies, even in the middle of an ultrasound and the lady got all nervous, because Sophia was/is always on my mind!!! My mom told me I had to get a hold of myself because Sophia may take this into herself that "she" is making mommy very sad. I would also get angry/irritated when her bg were higher than they should be. Sophia started asking "is that bad mommy, did I have a bad sugar" and then I felt bad, vicious circle...... Well, it's true, I had to get a hold of myself and "simmer down" because Sophia was only 4 1/2 and we have a long road ahead of us. I still get on edge when her bg isn't stellar and that's a control issue on my part being a nurse but now I take a breath and say "we just aren't in the right range so we just have to make an adjustment". As far as dealing with my emotions, I really haven't yet. I am angry that she has this and I want to go scream at the world..... BUT, I am controlling them and when I cry about Sophia's diabetes it's on my own time. Maybe I should take a boxing class like T1Naomi'sMommy. That sounds like a GREAT idea. That being said, just being here on this site with people who understand my struggles and what my life is like has been a tremendous stress reliever. Let me know if you find out something that works for you :) and keep your chin up! Lori

As a mom of a T1 kid and a licensed mental health professional, I would say you are tying knowledge to your emotions, It's called "intellectualizing" and it is a normal, human defense mechanism. The problem is that defense mechanisms have the long-term effect of preventing you from dealing with the underlying emotions, which are anger and sadness. I am sure all parents carry these emotions for our T1 kids. It's a habit that you'll have to learn to break. You can be mad at diabetes, sad, etc. You can celebrate in-range numbers. The most important thing is to demonstrate for your daughter that you are not immune to the emotional ups and downs of living with a chronic condition. This is a great gift to our children because they have to live with this. Ups and downs are also normal. Just try not to let the numbers dictate them. A doctor once told me - as a kindness - that I was too wrapped up in the numbers. I use this as a kind of mantra when I can feel myself reacting to a high or low on the meter. I'm not trying to diagnose you, just hoping to help. You may certainly contact me directly if you want to talk about it. Tracy

Dealing with anger and sadness over diabetes is probably why we are all here on Tudiabetes, joining this community was directly related to my need for help and support with dealing with the emotional and sometimes the scientific end of diabetes. I feel the problem with our society in a general sense it there is a big lack of empathy. I feel that any time I discuss Jacob's diabetes with people not directly affected by diabetes they just don't get it or they do not want to. Everyone wants to relate conversation and experiences back to themselves and if they do not have any dealings with diabetes they just don't have it in their hearts to openly listen and hear me. I had to speak with the school nurse the other day and sent her a thank you email later on because she gets me no mater how busy she is, she is present about what is going on with me and Jacob, a rare and treasured quality. So I feel it is this aloneness in this that can lead to more sadness and anger, how could my coworker understand what i am going through she has three totally normal kids, and she still complains about a little asthma. So gaining social support at places like Tudiabetes is a big start to feeling heard. I gravitate to any type 1's that I meet at my cardiologist office, they get it! But I digress. Yes I react to high blood sugars my son knows I do but I am a mirror to him, if I get all angry and out of control how is he going to handle this in a responsible way. I think of him often throughout the day, have myself a good cry usually on my way to work, it is normal to feel all these emotions. I worry about his emotions as he is now 13. He has his sad moments but it seems I have raised an empathetic child, if I support him and give him some space he usually comes around and apologizes for upsetting me! Honestly, my son is my best inspiration in all of this. I would say you could probably say the same for your child. Children have a way of living in the present, not worrying about the future and having fun in the moment. Jacob handles his diabetes one day at a time, with lots of help and support from mom and dad, he does not feel afraid or alone. He worries about social situations that involve his diabetes and worries about being different. Most of the time however, he is dreaming of going to technical school and being an engineer. Currently he is working on his new years resolutions of being more patient and tolerant ( his little brothers bugs him a bit and I think he realizes he has the first born trait of wanting to be right!) He is also working on his diet and exercise program, not prompted by me, really! I love how he doles out little nutritional tidbits lately. So yes there is undeniable sadness and an overwhelming level of heightened concern for my first born child, sadly more concern than for his brother who does not have diabetes, I almost said not affected by diabetes, of course he is. ( if there is only enough milk for one child in the morning, Jacob gets it and on and on you get the picture) But we are all dealt something to deal with, many things over and over, I have never been one to waste energy on things that can not be changed. Taking good care of us the parents is very important, good nutrition, exercise, ( i love yoga), rest, time in nature, time to be thankful... being a model for our children and yes at times letting our children be a model for us, can be the best advice.

If her emotions are due to her child having diabetes and being scared and frustrated then of course she should do her best to hide those feelings. Her child is 11 years old.....his life completely changed and he is dealing with adjusting to a new normal life. It is hard enough for a child to deal with this, they dont have to feel as if their parents are scared about it and put fear into them. My son clearly knows that emotions are real and acceptable. But I protect him when I can and I would never let him know that I am or was ever scared about him having diabetes. So while you feel its okay to show all your emotions to your children, I would have to say why to you. I was scared when my son was diagnosed. I knew nothing about diabetes and was afraid he was going to die. I cried myself to sleep every night. Sorry but my son in no way should have witnessed any of this.

Yes you are right. We all can raise our children how we see fit. My child does not bottle up his emotions. Never has. But my own emotions have no business effecting him. He knows all about diabetes and what is required of him to have a happy healthy life. But in no way do I agree that a parent should sit down and cry in front of their diabetic child, expressing their fears and frustations. But.....we all can raise our children how we see fit. Shrugs!

I beg your pardon? You can disagree with me but if I disagree with you this means I am being critical of those that choose a path that I dont choose?

So only you can disagree and it be okay, but if someone else does it is not?

Looks like how we raise our children isnt the only differences we have.

By the way.....just been "expressing my feelings". Keeping my emotions all bottled up in side might result in me not being able to express myself.

And I do believe it was you who started by questioning why someone would hide their feelings from their child. Ya know...that path you choose not to take?

Conversation need to respond....all done with you!

Hi Everyone....I would just like to say that as a former first grade teacher I have learned something that may relate to this topic. When a mom sees her child start full day school or Kindergarten, most want to cry their eyes out. But, of course it is best to put on a big smile and tell them that everything will be just fine, since we know they need to feel confident. Of course, as I know I did, the tears streamed when the school bus pulled away. And this whole T1 thing is similar, in my opinion. Believe me, I want to cry/scream when there's a high # on my daughter's meter. But I tell her that we just have to keep track of things to see if we can figure out why. Some day as she gets older, I may not be standing next to her when she sees a high # on her meter. And of course I don't want her to be freaking out; but rather, try to remain in control and be calm. Believe me, I am not dealing with her diagnosis well. It's only been 5 months. But I do remain strong in front of her. When she's in school, I certainly have my crying time. Hope this helps, Marnie

threatened? lol.....

I NEVER attacked you. I expressed my opinion and disagreed with you.

Threatened...attacked? Honestly.....a bit dramatic!

Applauding Marnie!

Perfectly said......

We have all been affected by diabetes in a deep way. I think we should remember all our spirits have been shaken by dealing with this diagnosis and we are all doing our best to deal with our children, diabetes management and our own emotions. Natalie posted looking for help for her problem. I think we should remember tudiabetes goal is to share information and support in a compassionate way. We have different personalites and parenting styles but we must remember we are in the same boat and all want the best for our children and ourselves. I hope for less suffering for all of us. I wish for acceptance and peace. I also wish for the best blood sugar control for all of our children. Amy

thanks that's good advice! my husband had me convinced I was " Crazy' and ' Emotional" and ' Dramatic" .

nice to know I'm not the only one. I like the kickboxing Idea, i used to take years ago, bc ( before =children) would be nice to get back to that!

because I find myself breaking down crying in front of her sometimes ( often) when her blood sugars are bad! i guess I just want to help her stay positive and have confidence in me that I'll help her figure everything out, to have a plan to get back in control when things go off course, that we have the help to get her rates set again...

that makes perfect sense Natalie. She needs to stay positive. Diabetes with proper management can go without little or no long term effects whatsoever. I know its hard to not get upset and I understand completely you not wanting her to see you get upset over it. Our kids count on us for strength. If we show lack of it, then that is liable to scare them. Last thing you want to do is have her scared over this. I would say when my son was first diagnosed that I would do all my crying alone in my bedroom and then put on my big girl face and start the day. My son is doing well and handles his diabetes better then a lot of adults I know. He knows if we have a bad day, that we pick up the pieces and do what we can to make tomorrow better. A + B does not equal C in diabetes. You can do everything right and still have numbers all over the place. Just assure your daughter she did nothing wrong, that you did nothing wrong and hope for tomorrow being a better day.

man!! I didn't mean to touch so many nerves!! As kennedy says to me ' Mom Chill Out'

Here is the reason why i feel the NEED to hide my feelings... Its because i am married to a guy who doesn't do ' Feelings' and furthermore he really deals this diabetes VERY differently from me. he will not help with any of her management, and says it's all up to her, or she will be dead. plain and simple as that. It's Bizzaro! We need SERIOUSLY to be in some counseling. I swing the other way, I will do EVERYTHING I can in my power to make it easier on her, including staying up all night checking blood sugars when i need to so she can sleep.

So most of my sadness i am unable to express at home to him, because he thinks THAT IS A PROBLEM, and I am 'crazy'. " save the drama for your mama' is his expression he uses...

anyway, thank's everyone for your help. Its nice to not feel so alone.

best, natalie

thanks, perhaps we healthcare people are harder on ourselves...I can see that definitely!

I think it is perfectly normal to want to do everything in your power to make it easier on your child. I do the same thing. But I also am making sure along the way, that my son is learning so that he can handle this on his own. I think its unrealistic to think an 11 year old is going to be able to handle this completely on her own and knowing what the end results can be cant think of why any parent wouldnt be a shadow behind their child at all times while they are learning. My son is capable of counting his own carbs. But I do them. He is capable of changing his own site alone. But my husband assists him. I think for now, with this being so new to your daughter that you should be doing what you can to make it easier on her. This is a huge adjustment.