I am at my ropes end

This isn’t really about diabetes. I wish it JUST were about that. I WISH my life were that easy. But it isn’t. Many of you are thinking - what? Diabetes isn’t easy. No of course it is not. I am not saying it is. But for me THAT is the easy part of my life. Diabetes is my EASY problem - I take my meds, stay lower carb, exercise and for the the most part it is easy to control. It isn’t easy to have it and it is more psychological in that way than any way else.

But put it together with being unemployed, no health insurance, no money AT ALL. Having to rely on handout from other people. Diabetes is the least of my problems.

I am on Food Stamps benefits and some of you may know me on here know that I am healthy eater. I am not one of those welfare cases that you see at the store using their benefits card with a grocery cart full of chips and pop. I don’t own an expensive car to drive around in. Except for my parents letting me stay home rent free and helping me with my medical expenses - I really don’t have anything. And I have lessen the need to depend on them because I get food stamp benefits to at least pay for my food (even though it isn’t enough to get me through the month - but I scrape by somehow)

I have learned accept have diabetes and know that I will a restricted life for the rest of my life becauses of it. But the rest of it I am having such a hard time dealing with it.

The time has come for me to reapply for my benefits - stupid me got the dates (I honestly could strangle myself) mixed up to reapply by the automated phone systems and I am now supposed to call for a appointment to reapply but no one answers the phone at the office location!!! I mean, NO ONE. I even called the main help line. If all operators are on the phone with other clients, they just tell you to hang up and call back later. No hold system with music or anything!!! ugh!!! I tried calling my caseworker and left him a message but of course he hasn’t gotten back to me. I will lose my benefits by next week if I can’t fix this - and we diabetics need to eat! I know they are busy and there are tons of people out of work but come on. Why tell you to call if the workers don’t answer the phone and there is no hopes of getting in touch with ANYONE?? What should I do? Should I just show up at the office with my paperwork and stand in line all day??

What will I do if my benefits expire? I cried myself to sleep and couldn’t sleep all night and I don’t think I will be able to until I get this resolved.

If anyone has any experience with dealing with this PLEASE give me some advice…

Funny how when I was receiving this in another state, they had a hold system to talk to someone to get your case straightened out but not here. I feel so powerless to do anything. I don’t know what to do next.

I don’t have anyone to talk to about my problems - I usually keep them inside myself and deal with them all alone but I am so upset about this I had to write to down somewhere.

Hi KimKat I am sorry you are so upset. I can’t give you any helpful advise on getting a hold of someone on the phone
but, I can tell you when I get super stressed out I turn on some of my favorite music even if its just for a minute of two
and take a deep breath. It absolutely helps then I would just get in your car or on a bus and go down there till someone
helps you.

I hope your day gets better

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Kimkat. I’ve been in dire financial circumstances many times in my life and I know how it can wear you down. How you’re doing arithmetic every minute in your head trying to bargain between “this” and “that” small expense and knowing you just don’t have enough money for any of it. I know what it’s like to have to be dependent and feel bad about that, and put up with whatever is expected in return. It wears you down. Then when you put dealing with mindless bureauocracies (sp) on top of that, who make you feel you are bothering them when they should be trying to help…that is humiliating as well. And I dealt with all that when I didn’t have a medical condition. So hang in there. Know it won’t last forever and take whatever small steps you can take to bring that day closer (even if you don’t have a lot of hope it will). Let friends help you. I have gotten “goodie bags” of food from friends or offered to clean their house or do other tasks they could pay me for. In this busy multi-task world there are people who have no time for laundry or cleaning and would gladly help you out in return for a time-saving task. As for the Food Stamp people, yes, I would give up on the phone and just go there. Bring a book and a snack and plan to wait, and don’t think too much about the fact you may wait hours just to make an appointment for another day. When I was on unemployment and had to wait hours I thought of that as my “job”. Could be worse, as long as I have a good book I can forget I’m waiting, and what job lets you read books? They have so many people in their office I doubt they bother answering the phone. Go as early as you can.

Most of all, don’t feel you deserve this…ANY of it. Life’s a ■■■■■ sometimes. Remember the small things that give you pleasure like listening to the birds or petting the cat. Hang in there.

Thanks Zoe,

You made me feel better. Funny how it really isn’t the “situtation” but the lack of power and control that makes me so stressed out. If I could do something about it, I go and do it but when I can’t even do that (ie make an appt) - it is even worse!

When I first applied for the Food Stamps online, they make you still come in for an appointment (why each state does this differently is beyond me!) so even though I was on time for my “appointment” I still had to wait all day! I am pissed at my self for missing the phone call deadline but there is nothing I can do about it now - if I have to go in for appointment to fix it fine, but it the fact that I can’t even make an appointment that bothers me.

The hard part is that there is no one to ask questions too - and what I am supposed to do keep calling and getting the same result. I hate going down there - it is is a not so great neighborhood and there are lots of screaming kids - It was so exhausting last time I went. I never had to go down to the offices before when I was on unemployment here. Funny how they don’t make the system easier to use and it would be less problematic. These programs have been around a long time you would think the system would be smootheir now. I did better in the other state I got benefits in.

Yes, it is so tiring to do all that arthimatic in your head. I do it ALL the time. It is like neverending. I have to go without anything extra - only the basics. I do the “this” and “that” too.

I honestly sometimes look at the mess my life has become in the last few years and I can’t even believe it - it has pretty much done a complete 360 turn - in the wrong direction. None of it brought on by me It is like I must have broke a mirror or someone put a curse on me. It is just fall, after fall, after fall. Usually, people have some hard times and than they get some good times for a while and at least, they get a break in there somewhere. I haven’t had one. It honestly has pretty much been all downhill. I keep waiting for it to stop but so far, it hasn’t. I keep waiting for that bad luck to end - it is hard to see that it ever will. It is hard to not think you don’t deserve this stuff when it keeps getting worse and worse. I know there are people in the world in worst shape than me and I acknowledge that but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.

I have always been one of those people who had backup plan after backup plan - well, I have run out of them.

Life is a ■■■■■ sometimes - Unfortunately for me it is almost ALL the time. I need a break.

Thanks Mary, normally that works me as music is one of my main escapes in life but when I have a pressing issue like this on my head I just can’t stop worrying about I can’t even concentrate on music nor let the problem go until I have a solution.

KimKat- I have no advice that I can give you that will make it better, but I sure hope it will. Your story is gut-wrenching; I sure hope things get better for you. It’s a good thing the TuD community is here to help.

If I were you, I’d go down there, even if it does mean waiting in line all day. As you said, diabetics need to eat. You only have a week - no time to play around on phones that no one will answer. Take yourself down there with a good book to read!

I have no advice either, although the food bank idea is a good one. But I do want you to know I care, even if I can’t do anything. Hang in there, and do what you need to.

I’ve always received bad things in bunches too, KimKat. There were times I just had to grab a friend and state all the things that had happened, “On Monday this happened and then I got home and found out that bad news, and then Tuesday…etc”. Because I just felt lousy and didn’t realize how justified those feelings were until I stated it all and someone else went, “whoa…all that!”. But the good news was that it seemed like when one small thing broke, even if it was a $20 check I had forgotten was coming, then suddenly other good things followed in bunches as well. Yes, the churches and foodbanks are a good suggestion; when I worked in behavioral health we kept flyers listing all the resources and even in our small town there were many of them. Also don’t hesitate to ask on here in the “supplies needed and offered” section (or whatever it’s called). There are people who switch meters and have extra strips they no longer need. I remember when I went on insulin and had just gotten a supply of all my oral meds. I lived in Guatemala at the time so I just hung onto them until they expired and threw them away but somebody could have used them (I know we can’t officially offer prescription items).

Hugs:: KimKat! I’m so sorry you are down and having such a rough time. If I were you I probrably would go stand in line until someone flippin helped me! I hope you get it all straightened out. God Bless you. I will be praying for you.

I am another vote for gong down in person. I understand your not wanting to do that if it is a bad neighborhood but it doesn’t sound like you will get anywhere on the phone. Take a book with you so you at least have something to do while you are sitting there.

I just saw a story on CNN this afternoon about how many more people are on food stamps – maybe they are just overwhelmed with the number of people they have to deal with. I know that it is not fair to you, but …

I hope you get everything worked out. I had to move in with my mother when I applied for disability and I know how stressful that alone can be without all the other stuff going on.

Be of good cheer. You will find a plan B!! We’re all rooting for you. In the meantime, do go down there and wait for the food stamps.

Lots of food pantries:


Potentially interesting job ad:

Culinary Program Instructional Coordinator
About the Job
Culinary Program Instructional
Coordinator (Vegan/​Raw Food).​ Living Light International, Ft.​ Bragg, CA.​
E-mail resume to Dan@​rawfoodchef.​com

Different job ad:

Mainframe Application Developer – Advanced CICS, COBOL, DB2, MVS, JCL – Chicago, IL

One of our Direct Fortune 500 clients is looking for Mainframe Application Developer to work out of their Chicago, IL location.

Job Description:

Title : Mainframe Application Developer (multiple positions)

Location : Chicago, IL

Duration : 12 Months + (with high possibilities of getting the extension)

Job Description:

· Performs all or part of the software development life cycle.

· Develops and supports applications, modifies/enhances applications to support changing business/user needs and develops software enhancements to packaged software products.

· Expertise with COBOL, COBOL II, MVS, CICS, JCL and other mainframe tools and utilities on a mainframe platform.

Required Skills


· Must have very strong skills in DB2 CICS COBOL and analysis.

· Must have understanding of DB2 database concepts beyond coding SQL.


· Must be able to perform full life cycle including Documentation, Analysis, Programming, Test documentation, implementation planning, with moderate direction.

· Must have experience on large application projects.

Collabera is an Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employer and maintains a drug free workplace. This position is contingent upon a successful clearance of criminal background check & drug screening

If interested, please contact:

Harshal Deshmukh

Ph No: 973-854-9112

Email: harshal.deshmukh@collabera.com

Web: www.collabera.com
A CMMI Level 5 Organization

KimKat, know you are not a worthless person. Go down to that office and get in line, even if it is all day. Take a sleeping bag too so they know they will not get rid of you that easily. And yes, go to Churches too and ask how you can get food, ask if there is anywhere you can go that will help you get a job, any job, even cleaning that will earn you enough to give yourself a teeny tiny treat sometimes. I know how soul destroying all this is. Concentrate on asking the Universe for what you really really want and focus on that. ((((((HUGS))))


how did you know about my background?

Thanks. I have seen the Mainframe job before - I get them sent to me everyday. I don’t qualify for that one. Not enough experience in CICS.

I am not a instructor. I know someone who went to Living light before but I am not a raw food instructor (not even close)
Even if I was, I have absolutely zilch money to move anywhere.

Thanks though.

The problem with food pantry is that they are usually cleaned out here plus since I am a vegan (and diabetic) I can just take what they have.

I am going to go down there tomorrow. I am just afraid they are going to say “Sorry we can’t help you. You have to call for an appointment.” or that I have to go somewhere different which is ridiculous because that is where I went to be approved. I am so mad at myself for screwing up that call in date - if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be dealing with this.

Everyday I ask the Universe - “could you please stop already? I’ve had enough. I’ve learned my lesson (from whatever it is that I did wrong to deserve all this bad luck)”.

I think there might be a place near here that has a little food pantry - I will look at it tomorrow. I think I will still get benfits for this month but next month I could be screwed. if I am, I hope I just reapply fresh online ( don’t know what the rules are) and do it all over again.

“Everyday I ask the Universe - “could you please stop already? I’ve had enough. I’ve learned my lesson (from whatever it is that I did wrong to deserve all this bad luck)”.

That is where you are going wrong – by saying please stop already, you are acknowledging the bad luck. Don’t concentrate on the bad. Walk around saying stuff like, “thank you for the food stamps.” “Thank you for the new job.” “Thank you for the new job with great benefits.” Don’t put the bad stuff in there. Concentrate on the good and say thanks for the things that you want, even if you don’t have them yet.

Hey KimKat I’ve always had the hold deal but it has taken forever to get a “person” on the phone, I hate automatic machines. I don’t get fs now and I can tell you from a viewpoint of doing without, you don’t get to eat & go to the dr like you want to. Honey I really wish you the best of luck. I really don’t know what to say but good luck. Just know that I’m thinking of you.

I’m sorry to hear things are rough!!

One thing to watch out for at benefit offices is that when my office in Champaign, IL closed, several of my buddies w/ multiple kids were like ‘cool, I’ll collect unemployement all summer and get tan at the pool’ and they eneded up getting jobs at the unemployment office!! I moved to Chicago though.

It’s good to be in Chicago right now though, as the Bulls appear to be pwning the Hawks? Heh heh heh…

Hi Doris,

Yeah, when I was in another state before i moved back home here, I was also collecting food stamps for a bit. Their system had a hold - even if I had to hold for 2 hours - that was OK because at least I got to talk to someone eventually who helped me eventually. Here, nope. No hold system. Or the phone just rings rings rings - or they have the “please choose from the following options” and what happens after you choice - you get a busy signal or you get "All operators are assisting other customers. Please try your call again later. " Click, automatic hang up. I don’t even KNOW if there is a hold system here because I haven’t heard hide nor hair of one. And i have called four different numbers. I am at a loss.

Well, I don’t think the unemployment offices here in Chicago are going to close - they are way too packed (obviously since they can’t answer the phone!). that’s where I will be tomorrow. yuck. Yep, Chicago is the best city ever - I am not into the whole sports thing though. Probably because I am a girl. :slight_smile: