I so want this disease to be gone! I just had to beg my 14 year old to test her blood (she was lying on the couch sleeping when normally she would be wide awake). She finally tested and it was 476. She proceeded to tell me that she was not going to take any insulin. How do you tell someone, let alone your baby, that if they don’t do this, they will cause damage? Or worse yet, die? Please someone tell me why This is happening to us? What can I do? She refused no matter what i said.
I called my sister, she talked to her and she went to get her insulin and went into her room. I have no idea if she took it or not.
I know that she feels burned out, and that she is just getting over the flu, and she doesn’t want to poke her finger. But I really don’t feel like calling 911 because she is DKA.
Please help.
Hon,
I know you are tired, frustrated, angry at life for doing that to your little girl.
But you know that you are not done and neither is she. Take her to the ER, get her straightened out and then find her someone to talk to. She won’t want to go, but you’re the mom. She’s 14. Make her go. She may be really angry with you for a while, but she WILL be better for it and eventually she will realize it.
This is going to be hard, but that is why there are great moms out there… like you
I feel your pain and it breaks my heart. She also is being noncompliant right now because high blood sugars make us miserable human beings.
Have her join Tu.
Have her read Al’s response.
Have you thought about switching to the pump? It is by no means a cure, it just makes things a little easier.
You do need to somehow make sure she took her insulin. You might have to do some tough love at this moment. Maybe you can offer to give her the shot. I hated for decades doing shots, I never ever got use to it. Is she on syringes or pens?
I do not have the answer for you, but I soooo understand your daughter right now, and I also understand what you are going through.
I just know if her bloodsugars were brought back down, she would be her old pleasant self.
Ive had diabetes since I was 11 and my parents didn’t want anything to do with my diabetes because they didn’t want to be held accountable over the mortality of their oldest child. I had to give myself shots, tell them what I needed to eat and how much etc. I even rode my bike to support groups in my city, even though they were all type 2s.
I’d force her. Im not saying beat her up or anything like that, but when its life or death, I’d do what needs to be done. I know if my parents did that to me growing up, I’d probably thank them for ensuring I have a healthy and happy adulthood.
Worse case senario, I can make a 5 minute video telling her about my experiences being a diabetic growing up and some of the things I enjoyed doing at her age. Maybe all she needs is to see that there are people out there that are just like her. Maybe seeing me, a 23 year old chick, who went through everything shes going through now, will help her see that its not the end of the world. I mean, I graduated from Wayne State University, going back for something different, Im a personal trainer, I go out with my friends, etc.
let me know how things go
I tell you right now I am scared to death of when I deside to have children that one of them may be Diabetic. It is just not fair to tell a kid that you are going to have to do finger pokes X amount of times a day and take your Insulin X amount a day oh and you have to take more if your numbers are high and eat more if your low.
I am 21 an by no means a pro on the topic because a week after this Easter will be only one year for me. To be honest I want to help kids with it because I can kind of relate.
You are right it is just not fair at all but I have to be an a$$ to myself at times and thats no fun at all. But it is my health and she has to realize that yes its not fair but that she is not alone and she should take care of herself.
So im sorry if this does not help but in this crazy world there is no answers sometimes.
I am more then willing to talk more on the subject if you message my profile but other people are better to talk to if you talk with them.
Michael 
Well, I will say what I always say. So I know you have already read it somewhere.
First of all, I am so sorry for these issues. It is awful as a parent. but it is also expected to some degree of a 14 year old.
Now, please get her to a therapist. she needs help getting through this and right now medical may not be her main need. Hey I hate my disease. I really do, but I still have to live with it. So does she. No threats, they do not work. Instead, when her BS is over 350 take her to the ER. She will quickly grow tried of it. If she gets admitted for a couple of days so much the better. You are doing this for the long term, not the short term.
Now here is my main message, only she can control this. You cannot. She is a child with a very adult disease. It is big time and it really sucks. But it is what it is. Right now she is using you as her safety net, knowing that when she gets in trouble you can bail her out. Ok, make bailing her out worse than compliance.
Some more ideas, the pump is better. I suggest getting to one. Also let the doc know what you are facing, she may be more inclined to put he rin the hospital do the tests etc. The hospital really sucks.
Now, please remember this. When she is sick and tired, of being sick and tired, she will take care of this. Until that time, she is relying on you to be just as sick and tired as she is. Homie don’t play that game. Hospitals are your best gig, remind her, that 80% of all Americans die in hospitals. If she doesnt wan tot avoid those, then she needs therapy for more than diabetes.
It sounds like I am being flippant about the therapy, I am not. Had my paretns sent me to therapy, it would have added years to my life. It is time to get her there. I predict even if you don’t she will end up in therapy at some point in her life, (not because she is weak or has a defect, rather because of the disease) save her the trouble do it for her.
Even if she wont go, you go, you will need some fresh ideas to deal with this,
Rick
I am crying my eyeballs out , this 69 plus year old woman, when I read this …No MOM you are not done . Is there anyone in your area , that can help and support …there are some great suggestions available on this DISCUSSION to you and your family … we do stubborn , strange things when we have high BG’s …ask my Hubby . I pray your family gets this resolved .
I guess I can see what you are going through, but from the other end. I wasn’t DXd until in my 30’s, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t go through a LOT if not everything that your daughter is going through. I cry for you and for her.
Scott had some very good advice. Next time her BGs are sky-high … it’s off to the ER right away. If you have to threaten … no, PROMISE … to hold her down and prick her finger and give her insulin yourself, then DO IT. She needs to know the seriousness of this.
Get her involved with some sort of therapy: with someone she likes and respects; a relative; a pastor; a teacher; someone with whom she can talk about not only D but everything else that is piling up on her head.
Lay down the law. You are paying for her medicines, medical care, clothing, housing, food, schooling. It’s your way or … it’syour way! Until she can provide totally for herself, she has to play your game. It is called tough love. You wouldn’t do it if you didn’t love her.
One final thing I think you could do is to either print out a copy of my profile or get her to sit and listen/hear it. It may have some effect on her. Scare her … maybe … GOOD!! Motivate her … hopefully!!!
Please keep us advised. Whatever you do, don’t give up on her. You’re the MOM!!!
Love,
Lois La Rose
P.S. Actually the ONE final thing that you can do (and it should have been the first thing) is PRAY. Pray for her, pray for you, pray for understanding, pray for grace, pray for patience, pray for a miracle change in attitude. Pray morning, noon, evening and night. Every time you have a spare moment, pray. Dedicate everything you do to the blessings of the Lord. I’m sorry if you find this objectionable or are an unbeliever. Please take it with the intent it was offered. I know that, every time I can think of this, I will pray.
Am so sorry for your frustration, your fears & worry. If there’s anything harder than being diabetic, it must be being the parent of one.
Agree with the others–take her to the hospital. Hearing from someone other than her mother about what she needs to do may help.
Agree also about therapy so she has someone to talk to. It’s isolating being different from everyone else. Not easy to accept for any of us.
We have some awesome young members who would be happy to be mentors/friends for your daughter. Fourteen year olds don’t care what adults have to say. I sure didn’t when I was her age. Teenage years are the most difficult for people with diabetes. They’re the most difficult on their own without having this fun disease.
When my BG is high, I’m cranky, impatient, unreasonable. My husband’s word is “insufferable” & I’m not a hormonal teenager.
Bribing, begging, pleading, punishing & shaming won’t work. It just usually makes kids (& adults) all the more rebellious & stubborn. She’s rebelling against you, like any normal teen, & she’s also rebelling against diabetes. It’s a tough combo.
You could try treating her like an adult. Do explain to her what the risks are, tell her you’re trusting her to be an adult in taking control of a serious condition. Ask her what she hates most about diabetes, empathize that you can’t understand what she’s going through unless she tells you. Let her talk without any judging. Reward her when she’s following, but don’t punish her when she’s not.
So sorry to hear about this! Breaks my heart… that she has to deal with all this. That you have to deal with all this.
Do you think that she skipped taking insulin earlier, which caused the 476?
I think that you need to show her love and support. Maybe disciplining is important too, but I would try the ‘soft’ love before i would use ‘hard’ love.
A few things that you can do:
- tell her that you know she feels bad when she is high, especially that high (trust me, 476 makes you feel terrible.)-- I would focus on bad feelings of the PRESENT rather than potential damage she might do to her body.
- ask her if she wants you to take over any part of her diabetes management that she has taken responsibility for?
- let her take some “breaks” from perfect diabetes care ON ONE CONDITION: that she tests often and corrects (others might not agree with this, but I sometimes take a break from careful carb counting and watching my diet, which is not good for my blood sugars, but does give me a break… but I still check at least 5 times a day and correct all the highs. I’m not sure whether this is a good idea for her or not. You don’t want her getting into bad habits.)
- Whenever you see a high number, try to create the dynamic that it is a good things that she tested (“Now that we caught the high, we can correct it.”) This is better than panicking about why she is high (this is hard to do… but important.
- when she is calmer, make a deal with her. When she is really high or really low, her life is in danger-- so she loses her right to make her own decision about her diabetes care. I made this deal with my husband. Some times I don’t like it, but it has come in handy when I was frustrated with a really high high and just wanted to eat a ton-- he intervened. When I am low and busy doing other things, he makes me stop a treat right away. Maybe you can agree with when she is over 300, you get to give or watch her give the injection and check (or watch her check) the blood sugar an hour later. The fact that my husband and I made this “deal” when I was level headed means that when I am emotional or worked up about highs and lows, I remember that he is just doing this because we have a deal and he loves me. She probably won’t like the deal… but see if it makes sense to her once the emotions of this high has passed.
- I think that she needs to find someone that she can talk to about diabetes. I went to a psychologist my first year (just a regular psychologist-- no one related to diabetes). It helped me a lot once a week to have to discuss and think how I was feeling about diabetes.
Thank you all so much. I sat down with her last night and cried and told her that I love her and I so would take this away if I could. I also called my sister who talked with her and got her to take her insulin. I have to go I can’t finish this right now. Beause I am going to cry and IM at work and can’t deal. I will post later. Thank you all for your support and I will read each response as soon as I can. Thank you.
Hi Al,
Thank you for your support, she is a member to TuDiabetes, Maddy is her name. If you would like to contact her that would be great. yes we are planning on a pump. The Dr. said that we have to wait until she has been Diabetic for at least 9 mo. So we are shooting for the end of summer. Thank you.
Hi Scott. Thank you. I didn’t take her to the Er. But I will next time. I think there is a therapist in our town that I can take her to. I am sure that it would do some good. I think maybe I can find a way to form a support group here. I don’t know how many people live around me, I do know that she goes to school with a couple of other Teens who are diabetic. Maybe that will help.
Thank you Rick. I think I will do the ER thing with the BG over 350. I am going to get in contact with a therapist I saw a few years back> i know it will do her good. IF she can’t see her then she can recommend someone who can. I will talk with her Dr. today after work and let her know what is going on. I did threaten that yesterday and i did end up calling in reinforcements. I try so hard not to always make everything about her diabetes, but yesterday it was about that. Thank you for being there.
Thank you Nel. Your too sweet. We will get it resolved. thank you for your prayers, they are very much appreciated.
Thank you Lois. When I sat down and made her talk with me and let my tears flow in front of her and told her how much I love her. I used some of my friends here as examples. Like my dearest friend Saundra who lost her life due to complications from diabetes among other things i am sure. I told her that I did not want her to die, and told her that she is my baby and always will be my baby and I want her to be there for her sisters when they grow up and the grand children that she will someday give me. I laid it all out there. Everything all the tears, I didn’t hold them back like I normally do. I do a lot of praying about this, and I will so continue. thank you so much.
Hi Kristen. Thank you. I knew I could count on my friends here to help me through all of this mess. I am still very emotional and on the verge of crying. I like your idea about the “deal” I know she gets emotional when she is high, and she like me is very stubborn. Hence the i’m not going to thing. I always try to put a positive spin on the whole thing, there isn’t much about it that is positive. however yesterday she wasn’t hearing. I was scared that something was going on (i was right, but I didn’t put it that way to her). I asked her to take her insulin (ok, I didn’t ask I begged, I didn’t yell or get angry, I just panicked) I called everyone I could think of in our family that deals with, has, or has dealt with diabetes, to talk with her. My step grandmother (god bless her soul) died from complications of diabetes. I loved her to death. I was with her the moment she left this earth. We have all been around this horrible disease and know what it can do. I think thats why I get so scared when things go haywire like this. She was high again today - over 300 at school. no keytones - thank god. I know she is frustrated and will seek her Dr’s advice today and I will get her into a therapist ASAP. Thanks Kristen.
C…I am awed by what you must go through as a parent to a diabetic child. I’m glad yesterday is behind you. You are fortunate to have people in your lives that will help and that she will listen to, and I’m glad she let you pour out your heart to her. As said by others, chatting with the young adults and other teens here, therapy, and a trip to the ER next time are what I would recommend as well. Another thought. Perhaps any EMT’s we have would disagree, but if she just won’t get in the car to go to the ER if her #'s are that high, call the paramedics. An ambulance full of professionals in front of the house would probably shock her, not to mention a teen’s worst fear, embarrass her into maybe complying the next time. Good luck…you know we are all thinking of you and your family. Your daughter is fortunate to be so well cared for.
i am going to be the stick in the mud here. (one one minor, but very important, point) i am the father of 2 teen age type ones and one preteen type one, and a type 1 myself. i would not under any circumstances put her on the pump until she is compliant. the pump does not straighten things out, just gives you the tools to do that your self. if you are not properly using the few tools that you already have, you will not use the more advanced ones. i agree with kristen 100% blood sugar readings are not “good” or “bad” they are all information to help you correct things. it all needs to be removed from moral implications and put in the realm of “now that we have this info, what is the next step?” let her have a hand in the decision making process… distilling the information, it will help her make sense of it all. once the numbers leave the arena of judgment(and i am not saying that you are doing that, it is in the heads of teen agers, heck it is in my head most of the time…) and goes over to usable information, she will begin to take an interest in her own health… that is the goal. that may give her a little incentive to get a pump, and that will be something to work towards…
People will be shocked and horrified by my suggestion… but your daughter needs a wake up call. So I say it’s time for a LARGE dose of tough love.