just because I don’t have the ideal level of glucose in blood that my whole life is ruined. I mean its really as simple as that. I’m F-------G miserable! My last A1c was 5.6, my thyroid is functioning properly but it doesn’t take much out of range and I’m a total mess. Superglue me at 90mgdl and I’d be reborn. The frustrating part of the whole god dam thing is no one can do anything to help me!
Uh, you’re miserable about an A1C of 5.6?? What am I missing?
Yeah I had to re-read it I thought I missed the bad part…
I think he’s trying to say that although his A1C is 5.6, he feels like crap at any given moment that he happens to be out of range.
In what way are you a total mess? If I get low I feel like crap, but generally running a bit high doesn’t bother me.
And that APPALLING truth is one of the many reasons the entire current apporach is SEVERELY misguided. Textbook perfect and someone can STILL have anxiety, fear, worry anyway…
Contemptable (IMHE)…
Stuart
I agree that anxiety is no fun at all, whether it is “logical or not”. But I think people could support you better, Gary, if you explain a bit more what is going on for you.
Example… Was at the dentist a few weeks back. I was a quite a bit edgy waiting in the chair suspecting my sugar may be a little high. As he started the drilling the assistant puts the water and air tubes in my mouth which is protocol when drilling and within seconds my mouth got so dry like someone poured cement down it. I literally felt like I was gonna suffocate to death. I had to make him stop so I could check my glucose and sure enough it was 230. He had to work on another patient while I took an injection. Then I was worried if I was gonna go to low while in the chair which would have been another nightmare. In general being I get wicked disturbed once I start going over 100 I end up over bolusing for my meals and have to battle low sugars all day. It’s horrible as well but better then the highs. Last week I was out with a friend and was so mentally disturbed walking around a comic book store. When we got back to the car sure enough I am down to 44. My whole personal and professional have been destroyed because of this despite I don’t have any severe complications from it yet but something tells me I’ve seen better days.
^… This times 1K!
^… This times 1K!
Gary, I have a feeling that what’s frustrating you is life. Life can be tough sometimes, diabetes or not. And from the numbers you’ve shared, you’re doing great with diabetes. Perhaps too great – so much so that it’s interfering with other parts of life. Maybe a pump would make you feel more in-control and less stressed? Maybe loosening the reigns (an A1C of 6.0 is a pretty lofty goal too, maybe even 6.5 if you’re getting hypos) would make you feel better?
Whatever it may me, I hope you find a way to make yourself happier.
The thing is I don’t just feel crappy I get psychotic to where everything around me is totally disturbing. Like total distress. I doubt anyone experiences what happens to me when my levels are off.
Gary, you’re preaching to the choir. Yeah, diabetes is a bummer. It happens, but life goes on. None of us wanted this, but we got stuck with it, so we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to make the best of it. Dealing with diabetes can definitely be downright depressing at times, but there are worse things in life.
Other than your current perspective on the disease, you seem to be fighting a good battle. An HbA1C of 5.6 is quite an accomplishment. As much as you can, try to focus and build on the positive things like that. It’s okay to vent now and then, but at the end of the day, keeping a positive outlook is much more beneficial to you and everyone around you.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Gary.It does sound like you suffer from a lot of anxiety about your numbers, and when you feel that way it doesn’t necessarily help much when people tell you how great your A1C is. Some people seem to suffer from an extreme fear of lows and keep their numbers too high because of this, and it sounds like you suffer from a fear of highs that causes you to over-bolus. I would really encourage you to find a therapist to talk to. Best of all would be another diabetic, but since this isn’t always possible, someone who has some knowledge of diabetes would do. It will really help to work on these issues and make all the difference in your life if you can get a hold on these feelings.
I would say that 5.6 is pretty good! Mine was 9.9 despite the hypos!
I do know your frustration though. But I do not know the answer! It is hard I know.
I am not surprised about your panic attack at the dentist! I would not be able to sit in the chair!
Stress will send your blood sugars rocketing for sure which is probably why it went so high then.
Sounds like you have brittle diabetes and you feel rubbish because it seems to go from one extreme to another.
May I ask what insulin you are on? Just because I found I was like you with the artificial “human” insulins and was waaay too sensitive to them. Someone found me sitting on the font in the local church where I went to help out feeding the homeless. I was so low (about 18 in your money - I am UK - about 1.0 mmol). I have not a clue who this person was, must have been an angel. He told me that I was on human insulin and that I should go on pork. He gave me the details of a charity that is campaigning for patient choice in treatment - ie the choice between human insulin, pork insulin, bovine insulin … I think it is standard practise in the UK, and possibly elsewhere to automatically put people on “human insulin” but one size does not fit all! When I read their literature about people who had problems with “human insulin” I was reading about myself! It is way too strong for some people!
I went back to my hospital and they said to start with that pork insulin does not exist (it does, I am on it now and doing far better thank you!) then they said that I had to stay on “human insulin” because it is better than pork. Then, now get this, I could not have it because “you might be allergic to it!” Grrrrrrr!
I had to change hospitals and go through another 2 years of this - frequent highs but even more frequent lows - 7 or 8 a day - before they agreed that I might have a problem with “human insulin”. On the bus home I was like hitting the roof and wanting to shout from the mountain tops - had to hold myself together, I might have been arrested!
It took another couple of weeks for the details to be finalised and I have been on it - with far fewer problems - as it is more natural and smoother (thank God I am not a muslim!)
You might want to talk to your endo (or change endos) and ask if you could go on it for a trial period.
Meanwhile, I would go back to your general practitioner and ask if you could go on some beta blockers for a time - you sound as though you are suffering from acute anxiety and depression - whether because of diabetes or some other reason and possibly look into some counselling. There is no shame in it and it might help you to start seeing the wood for the trees. Big hugs.
Gary, we don’t need to help you, you are doing a darn good job all on your own. Some people (I am one) do feel in a total mess if their thyroid is just a bit out, but if you aren’t on thyroid medication it can’t be much to worry about.
Hugs,
Maureen
I tend to agree with the folks who recommended seeing a counselor or psychologist, or even psychiatrist. The misery you are suffering is simply unreasonable, and may be caused by something more than the diabetes. There are anti-anxiety drugs, which won’t take away the BG swings, but may give you the emotional stability to deal with them.
Hoping you will take some proactive steps, and that things will get better for you!
Gary, I agree with Natalie. There are ways you can help the anxiety and a counselor or similar would be a great first step. I’d probably be like you if not for my antidepressants. That A1C of 5.6 looks great, but not so much if it’s constant highs mixed with constant hypos. I find that when I’m on that rollercoaster - BG is moving up or down really fast - I feel like crap.
Reach out to a professional Gary, there is help for the way you feel even with D. Glad you shared 
Guys, this has been going on for years. I honestly could care less where the sugars went if I felt fine. Hell I’d rather have an A1C of 10 if I felt great. Most of the diabetics I’ve spoken to seem to feel relatively fine with elevated sugars unless they start heading over 250 and even then some are just complaining they feel a little tired. I clearly only feel right when my pre-meal sugar is between 80 and about 95 at the highest. I need to be under 120 as well two hours post meal. The only real realistic way to accomplish this is to face hypos. A good percentage of the time I walk around with 50 to 60 blood sugars. I do get highs as well but not very often. The sugar swings have very strange disturbing effect on my mental well being. Its very difficult to describe but its real. Again I am not afraid of where the sugars go. It’s very difficult for me to interact with non diabetics as I become bitterly angry that they are free of this crap and can discuss life events not blood sugars. And to honest I have nothing to talk about except how difficult this is to live with and how its ruined my life.