Sadie, what I can say is that it WILL get better. The pump IS better than shots. I know you are frustrated - with your body, with those you love who don’t understand exactly how you are feeling or even what you are going through. But here you will find lots of people, of all kinds …young like you, someone like me (probably about your mom’s age), students, dads, teachers… all of us have experienced at least something of what you are feeling now.
There’s no denying that it is hard work, but perhaps you can start focusing in on where you want to be. Focus on getting that pump into your life, and focus on doing what you need to do to get it. Of course, everyone is different, and everyone expects something different from the pump. Make a list. What is it that you want the pump to do for you. If what your mom says is negative, do some research to figure out if it is valid, or just a worry that she’s expressing (perhaps negatively) out of her concern for you. Pin this list up where you see it. Join a group of peers… whoever you identify most closely with. There are a ton of groups here at tudiabetes. I’m betting one or more will be helpful. Read the bios of people and ask them to be your friend. Look for friends here that have pump experience. Learn what they have to say about things. They can help to. Of course, you’ve already stepped forward asking for help… I’ll certainly be a friend, and there’s others in the group to. There’s a lot of really caring and experienced people here.
For me, the pump opened up the world, and made me feel less of a slave to the shots and testing. It made me feel less strange. I carry it in a cell phone case. Nobody is any wiser, except for those I choose to share with. My BG numbers are pretty stable (not perfect, but usually because I didn’t count carbs right, and it is easy to correct). My A1C is ok (my new year’s resolution to improve), but it gives me a sense of control. It seems to me that you are struggling with feeling that things are out of control. I started the pump 3 years ago, and the pump changed all that for me, and that was HUGE for me. Sure, there have been bumps along the way, and I grumble about things from time to time (we all do), but despite all that, it is better. Sure, testing will never go away. But if you take the shots out of the equation, that is at least part of the battle.
I hope this helps, and if you want to talk more, just let me know.