My Mother passed away 6 years ago from Kidney Failure. She was a Type 1 Diabetic.
Journal entry after she passed away.
Mom passed away March 24th 2004. She was very ill for too long. Two weeks before she died she came home with me and I saw my Mother slowly dying right before my eyes. She was the most amazing woman I will ever have in my life. How did she remain so sweet, kind, gracious and strong for so long? She was so very sick, with so much pain. Why didnt she curse this diabetes? It made me ache to see her that way. I feel so heartbroken since she has passed, like a part of myself has died along with her. I miss her voice, her smile her beautiful words she always expressed. I miss her being my Mom and my children's Grandmother and Great-Grandmother. She was always my comfort. Just to help her made me so happy and feel so good. All I ever wanted was to see her have pleasures in life that she had never had before. I love her to my soul and will never feel the same in my heart without her here.
I cannot get her off my mind at times, it is like a movie but I can't turn it off....the two days before she died were awful. The day she died was unexplainable really, she didn't even look like my Mom. So very thin and frail. Why is dying so harsh?It takes all your breath away to see somebody you deeply love suffer and then just go....die....done.....gone....no longer a part of your life as you have always known. I want her back!! My Mother and my friend and our bond with this Diabetes. We shared this disease. Now what? I feel so empty and it wont go away....either will the bad memories of her death, the hospital and the quiet in my body after her last breath. The daze, the anger the feeling of loneliness instantly....I love her so. I hope that I can be half the woman she was. Half the Mother she was. Have half the strength she had as a Diabetic....always grateful she lived as long as she did, didnt blame this disease and enjoyed every day.She told me," We could have it alot worse and to never forget that many people have it alot worse". " Dont ever forget that Robyn". She called me her "Darling Angel" I believe it was the other way around.
Six years later, I do not mourn for her. I honor her. Why? She instilled in me that being Diabetic does not stop your life and the ability to live your life to the fullest. Diabetes....It is just a part of the person you choose to be and what you choose to be grateful for.
You wrote that eloquently Robyn. You were in such pain. Your Mom took a Big part of your heart when she died. That is a Good thing. It shows how much you loved and were loved by her. She will remain always with you. Happily in your Good memories in your mind and sometimes Sadly through the ache in your heart of missing her physical Love and warmth.
You were Very Blessed to have such a Wonderful Person as your Mom. She still loves and watches over you and your Family now.
She is Very Pleased that she helped to create and raise such a Beautiful, Kind and Loving Daughter as you. Her Grandchildren are Blessed also. She did Very Well.
Your touching post proves that loved ones never leave us Robyn. They stay with us in the way we remember them and in the way they helped to mold us into the people we are. I am sure that the type of person she was is reflected in the way you are. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you everyone for commenting on my blog and Mother. You are all very kind and I am honored to part of a community with such wonderful people. You.
Robyn -
Nicely stated. You are a wonderful daughter and a great gift to the world from your mom. Glad to see you are able to honor her life and rejoice in the happiness that existed. She will continue to watch over you each and every day…
Robyn- Beautifully expressed. I am sure your mom would be proud of you. Now I understand why you are grateful for something every day, it is part of your mom’s legacy. Stay strong.
Robyn you just said all I had for my mother and I went through a hard time in January missing her so much! I know where your coming from! Our mother’s strength never for one minute left me alone! For years she was my support, she never had diabetes but she passed with pancreadic cancer! I wanted her back for so long just to talk to her! I know you were there for me during that time and I hope I’m there for you now! We never quite missing them we just learn from them what strenget is. My omo died in her own house with me there and I blamed myself for so long but she had a do not recesitate sing above her bed and as hard as it was for me not to do it I knew she was in a better place if I didn’t!
Robyn,I don’t really know you in person but I count you as a friend.I think it would be difficult to find a single soul in TU or in your life in general who hasn’t been touched by your kindness and words of encouragement. I know your mother would be proud of you.I believe your Mom did a great job instilling a gift in you.I feel your pain.Thank you for telling us about her.
You have all touched my life and made it for the better. More than I could ever explain. All of you inspire me and I cherish your kindness and support. Thank you.
Hi Robyn, I don’t know you that well yet, but how beautiful. With tears in my eyes I read your blog. It means a lot to me. My mom have had lupus in her kidneys for years and is currenlty on dialysis. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’m sure your mom is smiling from above.
