We have all heard the saying? Don’t judge someone till you have walked a mile in their shoes. The same can be said about diabetic types, don’t judge a type until you have lived their D.
We all believe that believe that no one can understand but another D, another T1, another T2. But what about the T3’s or to be more precise a T3 parent who can understand what it is like for them, who can walk in their shoes. Don’t they make every step that their child makes, don’t they live the D life thru their children.
They don’t understand because they are not Type whatever. It’s been said, rarely out in the open but it is said or implied. The other day I heard it said about a T3 and that’s what has brought this Rant on.
I’m a T2 and I will concede that I can’t fully understand what it’s like to be T1 or T3 or any other type because I cannot walk in those shoes. None of us can walk in another type’s shoes but we can respect and not diminish them. I refuse to put myself on a pedestal because I only know the feel of the shoes that I wear.
Thank you Gary for bringing this concern to the forefront. It is unfortunate that it need be done at all....however there will always be issues of "mine is worse than yours". The point of crystallization is acceptance and selflessness. Acceptance regardless of shades of diabetes. One need not HAVE diabetes personally to "be" diabetic. Being at one with your child renders you so.
While we may not be able to understand what it is like to be the other I think most of us can understand how difficult it can be for all of us and we can have compassion for each other.
As parents of a Type 1, we do manage our children's diabetes. The feeling is much stronger than empathy; it is grief. We grieve to watch our children live with this disease, we long to take it from them. But our Type 1 will tell us herself she has lived for eight years with this disease and we do not know what it feels like. She is right. Because although we have intellectually taken over for her pancreas, we do not experience physically the effects of swinging blood sugars, changing pump sites. We live diabetes in the third person, not the first person.Type 1s may be able to have empathy for Type 2s because they also do experience periods of insulin resistance, children, especially during growth spurts, puberty and teens. But even if we don't have first hand experience, we must support each other, particularly as we seek a cure for diabetes. Both kinds.
GREAT GARY!!! love this post!! i'm a Type 1 and I guess u could call me a Type 3 too my daughter is a Type 1 who b/c a d at 11 no I will NEVER judge another b/c sad to say I've been in those shoes still am
I would never make it without my type 3. My wife Sheryl has saved my bacon more than I can count and in so many ways time I will never remember. So if I am here it is because Sheryl stepped up. i thanked her just this morning. I dont thank her near enough. But that is a debt I cannot repay. Still do I know what it is like to wake up to puddle of sweat and a partner who does not respond? No, and she is more than entitled to her ownership, stories, fears, concerns and hopefully a joy or two.
"One need not HAVE diabetes personally to "be" diabetic. Being at one with your child renders you so." I'm sorry, one needs to have D to actually "be diabetic" no matter how much one wants to be for one's child, husband, wife, grandchild. While I adore my Type 3 husband he does not have diabetes and therefore cannot "be diabetic" no matter how much he wants to be.
My comment pertains to the link between the parent and a child with diabetes Clare, simply due to the logistics of the beast. Though the parent may not feel lows/highs etc on a personal level, the bond is of such strength that the parent essentially feels for the young child....knows and understand. I know what you mean in that the parent does not have diabetes per se....but the parent has bonded so closely to a child with a chronic illness, as a means of navigating about this condition/illness FOR the young child that he/she is fully in tune. I understand that, however you are entitled to your opinion and I will not force on you.
clare I must say that a parent of a Type 1`feels gulit like u will never know! one thing that broke my heart when my daughter b/c a type 1 was I thought (and YES feel guilty) that I had passed it on to my daughter. now I have to worry about my g-kids getting this too. no I will NEVER say that our d is alike apart from both of us being a Type 1 but I know all Type 3's expecially the parents are their kids pancreases when their young. unless u've ever had to deal with a child with d u really don't know just how a parent will feel about it and lets be honesy u will never know the feeling of helplessness some of us have felt upon our childs diagnoses/ IT WILL TEAR U APART FOR QUIT A WHILE! I know it did me!
Agreed Doris, you are in a unique position of not only having D but also being the mother of a "child" (I know she is no longer a child) with D. Rick is also a "child" of a mother with D. http://www.diabetestrialnet.org/ I don't know if you are involved with this research study, but it might be something you could suggest to your daughter so if any of the grandkids is effected they can be screened and followed earlier rather than later. And to be honest Doris, I feel guilty that I nearly killed my son, niece and nephew when I got low in the car more than a decade ago. So at some level we all have guilt we carry around with us. Finally we are all Type 3's because we are caregivers for a PWD. And if we don't care about ourselves we can get in a lot of trouble.
Clare, I do think you miss the point of my Blog. It's not about whether or not T3's are D, we all know that they are not but they do experience a lot of what being D is because they are doing for their child what we do for ourselves every day. They are in a difficult position that I don't want to be in.
Its about respecting the plight of others not just the D type that one is personally. My blog uses T3's as an example but it's also about T2's respecting what is must be like to be T1 and vice versa. Its not just about respecting T3s.
As I said in the original post. I will not put my D above any other because I have not walked in their shoes.
Sorry Gary, yes I must have missed the point of your blog. I do not think that a person without D can actually feel like a person with D regardless of their desire to be one, and I don't view my life as a "plight" of any sort. I live it as richly and fully as I can. And while I truly respect and adore my husbands' ability to detect my lows and keep me alive he does not in fact have D, so I do not actually refer to him as a PWD.
Well,I can totally understand what you are saying because everyone is their own individual. However with that being said, I am both T1 and T3. I walk the walk and know what it feels like to live with D PLUS I can honestly say I know what my daughter is feeling about some things because we have had this conversation. Her response is that she is grateful that I understand and that I am able to help her because I have the experience first hand. Yes, you are right to say that we each are different in our feelings whether they be physical or emotional. But T1 has its same basic causes and T2 has the same basic causes and the symptoms are similar which really bring us all together in a way. Let us all learn from each other whether they be similarities or differences.
