For many years my diabetes was completely out of hand. My blood sugars were way too high and totally out of control. I felt like I was on a crazy roller coaster ride that never stopped. Until I found something I could control, my weight. There were times when I honestly just forgot to bolus (due to being busy with work, out with friends or constantly on the go) I think this happens to more of us than we would like to admit. But after a while those completely innocent forgetful moments turned into something much, much more. I read an article when I was in high school in a women's magazine about diabetics not giving themselves insulin in order to avoid gaining weight. They called it "diabulimia". Before reading the article I had never heard of anything like this. But once this idea was in my head it was impossible to shake off. Right before I went away to college I was at my heaviest weight. I told myself that if I could just loose some weight I would look better and be able to control some aspect of my life. I couldn't have been more wrong. I started to cut out my bolus here and there until eventually my body was relying only on my basal rates. I lost some weight but have never felt worse in my life, both my physical and emotional well-being were at an all-time low. Deep down I knew what I was doing was wrong but I continued with the diabulimia and became hyperglycemic on almost a constant bases.
At one of my endo visits once finishing my sophomore year in college the doctor asked me "Gabrielle do you ever eat something and purposely not give insulin for it?" My endo had uncovered my secret when he saw I was losing weight and my a1c creeped higher and higher from 8.5 to 9.0 to almost 10.0. I am so thankful my endo caught what I was doing and confronted me about it even though I was embarrassed of my secret. If he hadn't I probably would still be self-destructing. I am on the road to recovery now and bolus for everything I eat, however it is a daily internal struggle. I have always known how absolutely unacceptable it is to not give insulin as a type 1, but I wasn't strong enough, or comfortable enough with myself, to do the right thing.
Has anyone else had difficulties with managing insulin and weight gain?