I just need some encouraging words.
I am so scared that I will never grow old.
That I will lose my sight.
That everything I’ve worked for in life will be for nothing.
This disease is killing me in so many ways.
Laser surgery 3/4 tomorrow for retinopathy.
I am 26 years old. It shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t ever be this hard.
I just need some encouraging words.
Yes— i’m scared too. I feel that i can now remember to check my feet daily and to watch that damn clock and prick every couple of hours and log everything…what happens when i’m older and just can’t do it --??? I have no partner, no mate, no one to look after me
When i get to that place of feeling frightened, i just try and remember to stay PRESENT. To stay in the ‘now’ and create the energy of feeling blessed and happy so that i will attract the same.
Hang in there - we all need you to serve as a testimonial for us so that we too stay encouraged. Live each hour with joy and gratitude –
I didn’t say it was easy…i just said it was necessary
Call on me anytime- I am KAT
I agree it shouldn’t be that hard. I was sort of scared in my mid-30s when I started seeing obituaries for 35 year olds in the newspaper that listed the ADA or JDRF in lieu of flowers. I had sort of written off the possibility of getting old too however I have been pleased to last until 43 so far. I hope your procedure tomorrow goes great!!
Yes, we all get scared. But I have found that it is best to not dwell on what may happen in the future, because that will only serve to depress you. So far I have lived with t1 for over 20 years, and I am trying to live as if I will live with it for 50 more. I will have a normal, happy, long life. I can’t allow myself to think otherwise or I will be consumed with self pity and depression. I have been there. As Kat said, live for the “now”.
I must confess that I have the same things on my mind at times.I am afraid that I will go too low at night and never wake up or that diabetes will destroy everything. But we can get through this. It helps me to not think and worry about the future… take it one day at a time and do the best you can for that day. My 18th T1 diabetic anniversary will be on 3/3 and since that terrible day there have been so many medical advancements and new toys to help us have a more convenient life and be more on accurate with treatment. I went from a big gray meter that was bigger than my hand that took SO much blood and SO much time and only R and N insulin to the introduction of humalog, a meter that gave results in 10sec , to insulin pens, to lantus and novalog, meters with results in 5,to insulin pumps with crappy huge scary needles that were hard to disconnect, to water proof pumps and comfortable infusion sets, to the dexcom continuous BGL monitor, to apidra (kicks in after like 30 minute for me…LOVE the new insulin). New “toys” and meds are coming out all the time and I know that if we stay tight with the “Betic rules” and keep in touch with the endo we can be healthy and happy. I wish you the best of luck with your procedure tomorrow.
You’re right – it should never be this hard. But it is.
When I was 44, I had a coronary artery spasm, and I was afraid I’d never live to see 50. But the reality is that you can only do your best, and then nature has to take its course. So for me the solution was to just live each day as best as I could, and not think about the far future. I was very depressed for a long time, but eventually came to accept it – I have an extremely high risk for heart disease, and it will take me when it does. And in the meanwhile, I plan to enjoy life as best as I can.
I really hope your laser surgery goes well – I’m glad there is at least a treatment for retinopathy, rather than like it was many years ago, when diabetics simply went blind with no help for it. I’m really hoping it will stabilize yours, and maybe you will not have any further problems! I know that the thought of blindness is extremely frightening, and I sincerely hope it never comes to that! Hang in there, and think good thoughts!
I’ve been scared since 1982, when I as diagnosed.
I was eleven then and frightened. My pediatrician ordered a blood glucose test, the nurse came in with a little thing that looked like a little,blue, handheld, catapult, she touched it to my finger, blood came out of my finger, she gave me an alcohol swab, and left. That was my first BG (blood glucose check or test), that was the first time I remember being scared.
Everyday since I have been frightened about my BG.
Since I have done much, but none of it, happened being frightened about whether or not my BG was 80mg/dl to 120 mg/dl. Sometimes the fear was like having to go to the bathroom real bad, other times the fear was a slight headache, shakiness, and a little sweat. And still other times it came in colors, like khaki and royal blue, little colored rectangles, the lighter the hue the lower the BG.
Ten years of feeling frightened of going blind or being crippled because of and colors, then,
About 10 years ago, I stopped noticing headaches or light headed feelings as a symptom of hypoglycemia. I quit feeling ‘Low’s’ when I was 30 or 31 years old.
Then another many years of being scared of complications, and of not knowing that number, my BG
On April 15, 2007 blood leaked into my left eye.
In July 0f 2008, while I had no vision in my left eye, I got an infection in my foot. I had to sit in an emergency room and watch my bg along with a line the doctor drew on my foot. I watched as intravenous antibiotics and my steady blood sugar fought the infection. I walked out with both my feet, after I checked my bg.
In 2009 I had laser treatments on my right eye to stabilize the vision, and I had a procedure known as a vitrectomy performed on my left eye. The blood and the fluid inside my left eye, was removed and I was bandaged. The next day the bandage was removed an I walked out able to see in both eyes.
In August 2010 I had cataract surgery on my left eye. The cataract was a side effect of the vitrectomy procedure. Since August my vision is very good, much better than I feared in 2007. Still I check my bg up to 13 times a day, today. Anyway I am 40 years old and I am scared too, I better go check my bg…
Oh yeah on December 21, 2010 I started using an insulin pump. I think that fear is always going to be part of being a Type 1, and I am lucky. I am lucky I can see, I am lucky those fears haven’t gotten me, I am lucky to be sitting here typing to you. Oh I gotta check my bg…
It is normal for a PWD to be worried and/or scared when they are struck with a disease, complications, bad test results and so on. You must focus on your Diabetes in the near future. Read and Learn all you can and experiment with what treatments/techniques that fit your situation to bring your blood sugars down. You do not need a pump to do this either. You do not have to die early from this disease or go blind. We do not live in the 1800’s or the early 1900’s. There is help and there is hope.
I had Retinopathy at age 25 just like you. I had the laser surgery(more primitive) about 26 yrs. ago. I was at my Ophthalmologist yesterday. My eyes are still doing Good. My other test results are in the normal range. TW. You can have this too.
Please do not stay in a rut where it can destroy you. Draw on all your strength to get your blood glucose in the Good range at least most of the time. Do what you need to do daily. Yes, it is hard work for many years. You would do all you could to make sure that your Pet or Child is looked after, right? This fight is for your Life. You are Important. I will be thinking of you on the day of your appointment and saying a little prayer. My Best to You. You will be Fine.
I am in the scared crowd. I was 52 when I was dx,ed in ICU, DKA a whole 2 1/2 years ago. So far I just got some nephropathy in my feet to go along with arthritis. Heck my eyes had needed glasses to read before I was dx’ed. LOL I guess my warranty ran out!!!
Yep. I’m scared at least part of every day. I think it’s normal to be scared. Maybe that’s what we need to stay out of denial and take care of ourselves – a little push of adrenaline every now and then.
But there are plenty of diabetics living to ripe old ages now – so many new medications – so many new treatments – so much really great research. I have hope, too. Most of the time, the hope is bigger than the fear.
Good luck on your procedure. Let us know how it goes!
Oh I am always scared since D day. I came to grips with going blind in my teens(I have other issues). Growing old I don’t worry about , I have live longer then I thought I would. What I have worked for will not be in vain as long as one remembers me fondly. As for this disease killing me I am just happy and lucky to be alive with all the bad stuff I have done to myself.
I worry each day about what will happen to my children will this affliction be passed on to them. Will they remember me going down fighting. I worry each time I fall asleep, will I wake up. My life has been hard, harder then it should of been some by my own faults, some by others, some by random chance. All we can do is live each day for the best, and hope it will get better and if not to know that we tried.
I am really impressed at how your post has touched everyone. I think every one of us has been scared, thinking about our own mortality and the complications that everyone tells us will happen. And then when something does happen, it just confirms our own doom. It know is very hard. But this is a negative view of things. Don’t fall into the trap of seeing only the negative, appreciate the positives and keep things in balance. And I’d like you to know that even though you may feel scared and discouraged, when I think about you, I actually see a very “brave” person.
I am rooting for you. Please have confidence in yourself. Thinks will work out and you will overcome these obstacles in your life. You may not think you are a strong person, but you are.
I’ve been scared since D day too- it’s been nearly 13 yaers now. I’ve been through 10+ insulin shock comas, 6+ ketoacidosis episodes, insulin resistance, insulin allergies, retinopathy at age 24 ,etc. I used to cry myself to sleep every night because I swore that the diabetes was going to take me every night.
But, it didn’t.
I’m still here. I’m 26 and 4 months pregnant with our first child. I am the bravest and most compassionate person that I know. Even if I die tomorrow, everyone who has met me will keep my spirit alive. Especially my husband and my family who I know are on my side, rooting me on every single day.
I awake with a smile because today is another day that I can breathe and be. Today is another day that I can live and make something of myself. Today is another chance for me to be remembered.
I don’t think that I will live as long as others. I doubt I’ll make it to my 50s… but that’s still another 25 fantastic years away. I’ve got time. I’m doing the best that I can with what I have. I’m taking care of my body and taking care of my relationships. I’m not worrying about this disease that has taken so much from me already. I’m telling stories as I take my BG reading. I’m waking in my husband’s arms when he revives me out of a coma with the cake frosting that I hate, but has the spray nozzle so I have to suck it up. I’m donating my time and my body to the things that I believe will make the most difference in the lives of the future. Like my child’s. I’m the only type 1 in my bloodline, so I am hoping and begging anyone who will listen that this terrible draining disease starts and ENDS with me.
Keep your head up. If it weren’t for this horrid disease, you wouldn’t be the person that you’ve become.
That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.
I almost didn’t even read this post because, no, I’m not scared. Not that anyone shouldn’t be. I’m just not. But I’m glad I have read it and all the responses and witnessed the depth of emotion and the eloquent expression of the writers and members. What an inspiring group.
Just because I’m not scared doesn’t mean I don’t worry. I do. But I’m not scared of something that I have some control over. True, I may not win, but at least I can fight and that alone keeps me from being frightened.
It may help that I was diagnosed late (age 47) and it may help that I’ve seen people fight other diseases and conditions and it may help to know that, all things considered, I’m pretty lucky to have treatments and tools available to me that other people don’t have. Without the latter, I suppose I’d be a lot more scared.
But I’m not. I don’t imagine myself hiding in a dark corner like a mouse trying to avoid a giant raptor bird. (Not saying that’s you or anyone else who is scared.) I tend to imagine myself as the same mouse standing in the open and giving the finger to the giant bird swooping down on me.
But that’s just me.
Yeah, there have been times when I’ve been scared, for example when my eye doctor told me that it was certain that with diabetes and what she could see, I would end up getting cataracs, and that I might end up blind. That really scares me because I’ve been working in front of a computer most of my life and the career change that I want to make is being a cake decorator. So yeah, my eyes help me make a living, and I don’t know what would happen if I end up blind. I never really worried about being single until that date. They I also worried about getting married and putting that kind of burden on my future wife. So yeah, I hear you and understand you being scared. But let’s be optimistic that everything is foing to turn out fine and that you will continue with your life as normal as possible. Good luck on your procedure and hopefully everything will turn out fine.
thank you everyone… stil an emotional mess.
the procedure today was for the proliferative neuropathy and was very very painful. going to sleep off the drugs.
please keep sharing.
none of us should ever feel alone in times of crisis.
I am scared everyday so bad I had panic attacks at work. I am 33 years old and have had diabetes since I was 15. Both sides of my family have diabetes. Lost 3 grandparents to diabetes complications and my mom had a stroke, my once strong dad got it 4 years a go and is skinny as a twig. I have had a toe amputated on Jan 4 2011 due to infection(MY BLOG SEE A PIC) have a hemirage in my left eye i cant see anything but blood and blurry, have bad neuropathy that hurts every day. Also take prozac for depression. So yeah I am scared I also have a 12 year old that I want to see grow up. So i try I try hard. Keep ur head up. Stay strong. And Help FIND A CURE FIR DIABETES! take care Sagwabetes
I’m glad that the surgery went alright, come back and let us know how you’re doing when you’re up to it!
I do occasionally have freak out moments. They’re usually when I’m low, especially at night when my brain has little else to latch onto. Strangely enough, paranoia is one of the only symptoms of hypoglycemia that remains:)
Sorry, I have had it since I was 4 years old and now at 56, I can honestly say it doesn’t scare me. It is just part of a normal life for me. I have always thought that the younger you get it (or any major disease) the better you are able to handle it. Just another day, when I feel low or high or am getting ready to eat I check the BGs and then adjust as needed. Every few days an alarm goes off telling me to change my pod so I do. No biggies in my mind. The other stuff about blindness, loosing toes, etc. just doesn’t bother me, I’ve heard it way too long and ignore it.
With me they told my parents I probably wouldn’t survive past age 6, so I’ve already outlived all of them except my mom, who is now 97. How would you have liked to have been parents of a diabetic in those days?
Terry, I pretty much feel the way you do. I’m also a tad older, having been diagnosed in my early 50s. I plan on putting up a good fight. I comfort myself by knowing that on some level, I can determine the outcome. I, too, have good health care at this time. I do worry sometimes that if I lost my health care, I’d be in trouble.
I know some people may find me annoying, but on some level, I’ve made my diabetes a hobby. I read about it, try to learn more and more, and LOVE my new pump because it gives me a sense of Independence and positive reinforcement when it comes to my own health care. I am treating my pump as I would any other new fun tech toy. My current goal is to learn all about it and learn to use it to my advantage.