Living with fear


I’ve lived with fear since I was a teen and diagnosed with Diabetes. But I didn’t let fear rule my life. I knew from my almost month stay in the hospital that what I had was serious. I knew from the moment I came out of my coma. My first act to show my Diabetes that I wasn’t going to let it limit me was to walk home from the hospital. It was quite a distance, not sure, of how far it was from where I lived.

Sometimes, I know I made some reckless decisions but that was all part of not letting Diabetes hinder me from something I wanted to do. I didn’t have some of the management tools that are available now. I had one resource to aid me in managing my D, that was my doctor and GOD, GOD who of course was first that is.

Now in my ALMOST twilight years I’m still fighting but D is winning. I have kept my bgs under 7% for many years and have had no problems with Neuropathy. I’ve had Neuropathy for many years but with tighter control, I have had no problems. I’m now having some sort of Neuropathy that’s affecting my back and legs. My Endo thought it might be Sciatic and sent me to a Neurologist. Backing up a bit, I was taking statins. When I went to the Neurologist, he said statins can affect Neuropathy. I had stopped taking statins a few months before seeing the Neurologist because I knew that I had a problem with statins.

All that said, I recently went into that valley and came out and today I went there again, thinking about D and its grip it has had on me lately. I learned when I was young to climb out of that valley and stand at the top of the hill and it help me establish who I am and who I wanted to be.


Oh…been there, done it, a thousand times over. I come from an extended family of over 30 type 1’s, many who were diagnosed back in the dark ages of self-management and succombed to dreadful complications. It is one thing to read about complications in a book, but truly another to see first hand people’s lives unraveling, thread by thread.
When I was dx’d 33 years ago, I simply took the attitude that if I was going to end up like those I’d seen, I was going to have some fun in the process. I did not take care of myself, in any way. Fear was not a motivator, but instead it paralyzed me.
I made some very poor decisions, but finally came to my senses about 8 years ago.
Yet, I know that the foundation has been laid for future complications. I have had both eyes lasered and at present they are stable.
I have two frozen shoulders, but I live with it.
Yet, there is always the temptation to look at every new symptom as the beginning of something horrible. I hate going to the doc, for fear that something new will show up in my blood. I still hate to plan something long-term and am continually thinking, "where will I be a year from now? will there be new problems with my health?"
I practice living in the present moment, and, sometimes it works. But is takes an immense effort and I’m tired of it…(sorry for the ramble).
Hope you have a good week ahead. Maybe I’ll see you in the chatroom.


I shared this with everyone, hoping I could inspire others to fight. I had no support to fall back on so I took the steps that were needed. I don’t merely accept diagnosis of any changes, I ask questions to find out what I can do to help myself.

I asked my doctor what can be done for Sciatic, he said surgery or steroid shots. I’m not interested in either of those choices. He did send me to therapy which I start this week. Before therapy I also get an MRI. I believe in being proactive regarding my health. Sometimes I feel like I want to crawl in a cave but I don’t. Live is a journey and sometimes we have to follow unknown trail to see where it goes.


I’m only a little over two years into this - and I think you must be simply amazing. What a great attitude you have!


Thanks Coleen it’s what keeps me going. Living with D can be depressing and believe me I have my moments but I try to keep an upbeat attitude it helps