to those who are reading this: i'm really losing motivation. im so tired of having to take care of my diabetes, my husband and my son. i put them before myself and i get so tired now, that i dont want to do it anymore. i dont think my husband understands. im t1 and i cant seem to get him to understand that popping a tylenol is not going to make things better when im not well. recently, i havent been well. sometimes, i pretend im ok then it comes out and we have to stop what we're doing cuz i want to go home and lay down. i dont want this anymore. im tired of it. im sick and tired of it. i wish i didnt have to take shots. i dont want to stick needles in my body anymore. iwant it all to be taken away. i can only do so much for them but its never enough. nothing is ever enough.
We have all been there and some of us go back and revisit that feeling all to often. I don’t have a family to take care of and when I did I didn’t have D to worry about. But I can only imagine how tough it must be. Have you talked this over with your doctor just to make sure there is not something else going on besides D? How are your numbers and what was your latest A1C? Is there any chance you could go on a pump? There is a really good book called Diabetes Burnout: What To When You Can’t Take It Anymore by William H. Polonsky. You might want to check it out. Hold your head high and remember you are not alone!
I totally understand your frustration. Sometimes you will just have to stand behind your words and when you tell your husband no, mean it. Maybe it’s time he learned a little more a out T1. Take him to the doctor with you next time you go and tell the doctor right in front of him your frustrations and let the doctor chew him out. 
You’re son is, of course, too young to understand but it’s not too early to start teaching him. What will they do if you are no longer capable of doing for them? You have to take care of yourself first. I’m a T2, but insulin dependent. I take 850mg metformin three times a day, Actos 15mg once a day, 60 units of Lantus at night and Humulin R on a sliding scale before meals if needed. So I almost understand how bad it is to be a T1. You must take care of yourself hun. Ask hubby what he’ll do when you’re blind or have no feet. He must be made to understand how serious this is.
You have a lot of friends here on TuDiabetes so call on us anytime you need a pep talk.
hugs, clay
Hey Penny,
Totally hear and sympathize w/ your feelings/angst… Create some boundaries which work best for you, and ask for assistance w/ making some time/space ‘just’ for you… we need to simplify our lives w/D so as not to overload all the time and HAVE to shut down somewhere in a hospital bed… Life IS What It IS and we must “Keep On Keepin’ On” for all those in our life that need us, especially YOURSELF! You ROCK! Look how far you’ve gotten yourself to today… just open a discussion w/ your family and speak in terms in which they will understand, educating them along the way… You Matter MOM! You need to take the best care of yourself so that your children and husband can learn from your example (self preservation).
Be WELL In the Peace LOVE and Light that IS Now
It’s a real pain and a harsh master. The fact that you’re T1, unfortunately, will not change. You have to put yourself and your condition first. I tell Missy this all the time and the analogy is apt. It’s always best to put your oxygen mask on first before helping the children or infirm traveling with you. Your family needs some education PDQ. If you are frequently unwell, are you controlled? There’s no question that living a normal life and being a diabetic is like having two full-time jobs. You are having to make up for a bum pancreas. It takes some practice and some patience. Putting your mask on first is not hiding the fact that you’ve got some chemistry issues going on. Being indifferent to your needs or not understanding your needs can’t make your control any easier. Diabetes is a familial thing. Everyone is involved in one way or another. Being able to spot the early signs of a low is a great skill that every family member can clue into. Conversely, being familiar with the typical symptoms of DKA isn’t too much to ask. You need them to be a support network because keeping you healthy became a bit more complicated. You’re there for them. They need to have your back.
Diabetes isn’t a flaw, it’s now a feature. It won’t go away and you won’t grow out of it. Don’t fake it. Keep telling your doctor that you continue to feel like crap. Make him/her work with you to help you achieve well-being. This is your right. It is your primary goal. I used to become so frustrated and angry that I was sticking myself every time I wanted to look at food or go to bed. I would get so pissed by that shot of Lantus that I would really HATE this. This is completely natural and we can all relate to what you are feeling. This is the place to vent and find real understanding from your peers.
Once everyone realizes that job 1 is to get you feeling right, you’ll be golden. If they don’t, this is a train wreck. Your hub needs to accompany you to an endo appointment and get some general information about what this is all about. It is COMPLICATED and it takes a bit of work to get into your stride. You’ve got to put your mask on first and get yourself well. Learn as much as you can about this rather needy and sometimes unpredictable roommate. The more you know the easier it will be to ride this wave.
And the needle thing? Don’t you have that right. I can’t count the number of shirts I’ve ruined with blood stains along the belt line. Or looking down in the shower and finding a 4" round purple bruise on my stomach. Think about a pump. I avoided the subject for a good 33 years. Tubing gave me the heebie-jeebies. My bull-in-a-china-shop grace would have me yanking out an infusion site or two a week. Then I discovered the OmniPod. We have some really good tools at our disposal these days. My best, though not always the most accurate, friend is my CGM. Most plans are covering them because they recognize the health benefits to having excellent control. Being able to keep an eye on things in realtime is something I could no longer live without. Explore your coverage options. Explore options for tools to help you manage this condition. You deserve to feel good.
If you can, an appointment or two with a therapist would help you talk this through and help you come up with a strategy to get in front of this thing. Talk therapy can be very useful. This is a physical and emotional drain, depression is very common in this community. For very good reason. For the present, you need to tell the men folk that the regularly scheduled programming is going to be interrupted. You get to do this. And most of the time, it takes a village.
oh my gosh you aer preaching to the choir. i compleatly understand and hear you 100 percent. i feel that way all the time. latley i have been doing horrible. my kids and husband just dont understand my kids are still very young yet so i understadn that butmy husband sometimesi tell you. he has gotten way better over the years. but sometimes he just dosent understand that going to school full time working full time and rasieng to special needs kids pretty much by my self leaves no tiem for me. all the while he is at home doing nothing. You are not alone.
Penny, I hear you. I am a T1 with two young children and a husband. I literally ran myself to the point of almost no return earlier this year. It has become a priority to me, even if my husband doesn’t understand, that I make myself a priority. (Though after the low that I had, I think he understands more now) The exhaustion I was feeling, on top of the guilt that I wasn’t capable of being the mother and wife I wanted to be almost became the end of me.
There are many things that I have had to do and many more that still need to do. But, one of the first things I would recommend, is picking something that you can do to put yourself first today. Until you are first sometimes, you won’t be able to care for your family the way you want/need to. I learned that the hard way.
I agree with what others have said. I am a working mother with 2 children under the age of 7. I am lucky that my husband is very helpful with the children and the housework, shopping, etc. But I, like you and many other mothers, have the tendency to put myself last. Getting diabetes (just diagnosed with T1 this June) was a blessing in disguise because it forced me to take care of my health, physical and mental.
If you don’t take care of yourself, your health, you cannot take care of anyone else. Taking shots and watching your diet forces a layer of diligence on you on top of everything else, it’s true, but remember it takes but a few minutes to take your blood and a shot – compared to hours of say, dialysis in the hospital if you don’t take care of it. It’s a manageable affliction, and it’s up to you to take care of yourself. You can definitely do this.
We often expect those we love to magically understand how we feel & what we’re going through. Not so. We have to tell them when we’re calm & there’s time to really talk. Better to explain using the ole psychological method of sticking to how you feel, not being critical of what the other person does or doesn’t do because that leads to defensiveness, a heated argument & hurt feelings.
As woman, we’re taught to put everyone else’s needs before our own. When we do, we feel guilty.
You have to put yourself first. If you are not well, there is no way you can successfully care for others. It’s not selfish, it’s practical. It’s simple, and you have to practice it every day.
Penny,
I want ever so much to move over next door to you! Hugs! Arms around you!
Do you have some good women neighbors who can whisk you away when you call?
Do you have a neighbor you can invite in to share some of your burdens with? Someone close.
If you do not take care of your own health, including getting some much needed rest, you will not be able to take care of your children. So that has to be number one. You have to take care of your son, but take a nap when he does, maybe go to bed earlier if tired, nap or relax when he goes to school. Husband next and housework last. Explain to your husband that you need him to help more around the house, with the childcare, etc. And come clean with your husband about what is really involved with Type 1 and ask for his support. I think the suggestion about getting a pump is a great idea; makes life a lot easier. Something has got to give; you can’t do any more than you can do.
After reading your story Penny, I can only see one image in my mind. The eyes of you child look at you and saying “mommy , are you OK?” Looking him back and saying “I will be for you!”
If you don’t get support from you husband seek a support group. Maybe someone on tuD knows of a resource in your area.
Be patient and stand your ground, you first, then you can be there for your son and your husband!
Maybe your husband could read “Think Like a Pancreas” to get some insight on the challenges you encounter 24/7 with this D thing.
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Your are not alone and kudos for speaking up to the tuD crowd!!!