I am a spouse of a Type 1 diabetic. We have been together for 13 years (married for 8) and have 2 wonderful kids. I need to work on being more supportive of my husband. He has a lot of ups and downs with his blood sugar and it takes a toll on him, plus he is tired a lot from lack of sleep. Often it affects our ability to do things as a family, especially with other families, and I get disappointed, which then upsets him even more. I would love advice on this and what I can do to help him. I know I need to be more supportive but sometimes it's hard. How do your partners help you through this?
I appreciate my husband simply telling me that he’s proud of me, or going to get me a juice in the middle of the night, or secretly cleaning all the used test strips out of my meter case.
Supportive is key. My husband will go out and buy new foods for me, he knows how to read the labels, and cook special things – all without my requesting it. I’m always pleasantly surprised. He also reminds me, gently, to check my sugar or take my shot when I am overly absorbed with something about the time I am supposed to be doing that. It really helps to have someone nearby who’s “got your back.”
WOW! My hubby does those things also! The single most important one for me is hearing him tell me he is proud of me or leaving a little note in my meter case! I spend all day telling my students how proud I am of them and it feels good to be on the receiving end! I know that missing out on different activities can be very disappointing. The ups and downs are very unpredictable so…when the opportunities do arise for you to “go out” definitely make the most of them. Actually, make the most of EVERY moment you have together! Good luck and thanks for being a supportive spouse of a diabetic!
Hi rubyred- I am a T-1 for the past 11 years. My husband is very supportive of me. He actually knows that I am having a low BS before I am aware of it myself. Some times I get nasty when I have a low and he gets me a glass of OJ and insists that I drink it. If you think your husband is in bad mood or just feeling down, you could ask him what you can do for him to help him. Don’t be patronizing, just empathetic. I am sure he will appreciate it.
I agree that it’s that general sense of support, reinforced by the little things, that make the difference.
I’d also say that you are perfectly entitled to feel disappointed, even it hurts his feelings. You shouldn’t feel bad about that even though it isn’t his fault. You feel how you feel and it’s important to express rather than try to hide that. Most of us develop some level of self-consciousness about our D, men especially when it comes to taking care of our families and doing our man stuff, lol. But if you’re there to pass him the juice in the middle of the night and he knows that you’re in it together, then those times will just be little bumps in the long road.
I feel for you…I got diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes a month after my husband and I got engaged five years ago. He still married me. It’s so difficult to be the spouse of someone who has diabetes. I know this, because I dealt with my sister getting diagnosed 3 years before me. When someone you love struggles, it hurts. This makes it hard to be supportive sometimes. My husband is supportive by getting me juice in the middle of the night or checking on me at times, but more importantly, he encourages me to just live a normal life. Sometimes it’s hard fo rhim to find a balance. Just keep encouraging your husband and help him take care of himself in any way that you can. Then maybe he’ll be able to focus more time on doing things as a family. Again though, I know it’s just as hard for loved ones to deal with diabetes as it is for the ones who actually have it. We appreciate you!
My husband (boyfriend/fiance) when I was diagnosed 15 years ago has REALLY helped me handle this disease. It’s okay to be me and he loves me for who I am… not what I ‘have’. So, being there unconditionally is huge because its hard to have this disease, as we deal with it individually, although we may have a ton of people supporting us. Support is huge- just being there and being aware, attending appointments and learning, making healthy choices. Yes, there are times that we just don’t feel great. It happens. We can even joke about it- sometimes I get terrets if things are out of whack. If he has good control and levels out he will feel so much better. There are times we get off-track and it’s a yo-yo effect trying to feel better. My husband is proud of me and of the mother and career woman I am and how “WE” are living a full life, even though I have the Big D. Knowing his love has not wavered is huge for me, although I may occasionally bite his head off. haha.
My wife helps by preparing healthy meals. She knows I have to watch my carb intake and will keep the nutrition label handy for new foods. She reminds me to take my testing supplies whenever we go anywhere and goes with me to my appointments with my CDE, PCP, Nutritionist and Endo. She has a lot of input with my medical team and always asks questions that I forget.
Wow all of you have such great partners - I am very happy for all of you! Over the years I have definitely been making better meal choices for the family, have adjusted our schedule multiple times so that he can exercise, and have taken on the majority of the sleepless nights when the kids were little so that he could get more sleep to help with his blood sugar. Where I haven’t been as understanding is with social activities. My husband is an introvert and in the past has used diabetes as an excuse not to do things. I think he is trying to be more honest with me and let me know when he really isn’t feeling up to something, and I am trying harder to let him know that it’s ok if he can’t attend every social event. I am pretty independent and do a lot of things with my friends, but I do want us to have couple/family friends that we hang out with. We moved 5 years ago and have made friends but it’s been a slow process since people tend to already have their friends established the older they are. Anyway, I definitely help him when he needs something (gatorade for low blood sugar for example, chasing after the kids when he is low, etc), but I need to work on not getting upset every time our plans have to change because he isn’t feeling well. His control is not the best even though he works really hard at it, and he also has bouts of insomnia which of course affects his control.
My husband is incredibly supportive. When I went low carb to control BG, he jumped right in. He doesn’t buy foods that tempt me, though I’ve told him to eat whatever he wants. For most of our lives together, I wasn’t diabetic. The changes have effected us, of course, because I don’t have the energy to do what I did before. This bothers him (how could it not?), but he’s a trooper about it. Even if I don’t feel up to some things, I push myself for his sake. If I can’t push myself, I encourage him to go without me.
We have a signal for when I’m low because he often sees it before I feel it.
When I’m frustrated, he’s there to understand. That’s really all I need or want. Just a knowing smile.
You are an amazing partner just for reaching out to help him more.
Your husband sounds a lot like me. I sleep little, have gotten under tighter control lately, the wife is off taking care of the little ones a lot (we have 2 as well). She listens when she can. She does her best to make meals that are near my diet or can accommodate me in some way. The biggest thing, is that I know if I break down shell be there and will love me and take care of me. Knowing that gives me a base of confidence in my actions that is very important.
My husband is very supportive. He has willingly taken all diabetes courses with me and educated himself regarding the management of the condition. He is non diabetic yet he is mindful of the food we both eat and purchase every time we do the grocery. Often I will let him slide with his regular soda and chips (specially during football season!)…but he makes it a point we eat healthy. Since exercise is an essential part of my diabetes management, he often always joins me for the walk or run each day. He will remind me to test, to take my medication or to eat…even if it wasn’t necessary. Sometimes he can be a “diabetes police” but…I don’t mind…I just know he cares that’s why. It is touching when your spouse will say: “Honey…I would love to spend a long long healthy happy life with you…”
I just joined this site, in the hopes of finding just this kind of a thread. As the partner of a type 1 diabetic I struggle with being supportive and not being the “diabetes police.” Thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences. I want to be there for him but sometimes have a hard time finding that balance. He was diagnosed as a child so sometimes I feel like he thinks I just “don’t understand.” But in the moment, when his blood sugar is low or very high i sometimes think I am thinking more clearly and can be of assistance. Nice to hear y’all appreciate the support. I think he does, but was worried I was bugging him.
I don’t think it has changed my husband’s life at all, honestly. He’s only “helped” me about 3-4 times in 13 years. Sometimes he’s even downright obnoxious when I do ask for help. Unfortunately, I’ve had to learn to not count on him to help me. It makes me sad.
My BF listens. I’ve grown up around “don’t talk about it” and I try not to bug people at work or in my personal life. I don’t hide that I have D, but I don’t talk about it. My BF, I talk about it, or aspects of it, and he listens. May sound silly, but that’s all I want from him. He also actively listens, will ask a question now and again or just say ‘wow’ or 'what about…'
I posted in a thread about intimate moments, he also holds the pump at those times, and is more careful than I about where the tubing is- this gives me an odd warm feeling.
my boyfriend is very supportive of me…he was proactive in my decision to get on a pump…he’s very attentive to my highs & lows and how it makes me feel…gives me a hug when i break down and have had enough…basically he lets me know that he’s there no matter what…and he’s not an emotional person whatsoever! lol…a hug and a smile to show support can go a long way
How many of you have little kids? I know that onesaint mentioned he has kids, but I am curious about the others who posted. I think the work involved with the kids definitely has an impact on both of us - when my husband is having blood sugar issues it’s hard for him to do anything else and the kids are still little and need a lot from us.
I know that missing out on different activities can be very disappointing. The ups and downs are very unpredictable so…when the opportunities do arise for you to “go out” definitely make the most of them. Actually, make the most of EVERY moment you have together! 