Dear Fellow Listeners,
So reading Danny’s blog about his life inspired me to write about my own. Diabetes has been a battle for me. Not a battle to deal with it, that I do like clockwork. Not a battle to take medication, that I also do well most of the time. Somewhat of a battle of acceptance, and another battle of taking care of myself and starting a routine.
I’ve always been the type of person who cares for everyone and leaves little time for herself. My lovely grandmother, bless her quirky attitude and loving heart, was the first to point this out to me. At times I used to think “If grandma was here, it would be easier” or " if grandma were here maybe I wouldn’t have diabetes" But truth is my life would probably be similar if not the same, she gave me such wisdom I can predict what she would have said/ done/ or how she would have pushed me the way I already do with her voice in my head. And moreover, with her in my life why did I need to take care of myself, grandma was my everything.
When she passed away, it was my first wake-up call that I had to push on and take care of myself. Although I did care for myself roughly, I wasn’t keen on the idea of being selfish, and went back to my ways of taking care of others, mediating situations, and being a perpetual muse. I can elaborate on this later ,but for the sake of my blog, move on. Around that time I made my friends my family because I felt let down by my family. I didn’t feel connected to them and wanted to create my own “family”. My friends were everything at this time. One friend, my best friend Ben, became someone to take care of and nurture. We developed a friendship in which he would come to me when he was nervous, had problems with girlfriends and family, and I often did the same. Six years later he expressed an interest in me. It took two months of him asking me out on dates and expressing his interest before I gave in. One month later, my next wake up call. I suddenly got real sick and didn’t understand why. I had lost a lot of weight and made frequent trips to the bathroom. I would get annoyed at restaurants because no matter how much I drank, my mouth felt dry. Although the first doctor thought it was an infection, my other doctor saved my life and diagnosed me with diabetes. I got to the doctor at 9am and by noon had already had two iv’s and taken my own first injection. I was scared, but my best friend/rock was at my side. Each day I was structured and in control of my sugars. I brought my A1c down from 11 to about 7 in a matter of 3 months. My doctors were impressed, but my life was far from better. I used to skip eating if my sugars were too high, yell at myself if I couldn’t get my numbers right, and have wide ranges of highs and lows. I’m guessing the unsteady range gave me a good A1c. I thought I could still be superwoman and work 40 hours while going to school full time with 17 units… it was going to be a long year…
Stay tuned for part 2 in which I think I gain better control and miss the big picture**
Dear Fellow Listeners,
Wow, I look forward to the next installment.
It’s real tough I’m a ‘little mother’ at heart too it’s hard to be selfish when you need to isn’t it? x
Thank you for sharing your story Pamela…I know you will help many others…
superwoman eh? sounds familiar to me
Sorry all life was happening, and my blog status was not…I will update soon though, thanks for all your wonderful, encouraging comments!