T1 for 25 years and really my eating has been disordered since diagnosis.
In my teens I didn’t eat and exercised heavily. I achieved very low a1cs and spectacular control but my weight dropped to about 6 and a half stone.
Gradually things improved as I got into my 20s and I put weight on but my eating has never been brilliant. I don’t enjoy it or look forward to going to a meal or anything because for me eating is now so loaded with risk.
Since having my daughter three years ago my sugars have become harder to manage with huge hormonal shifts during the month. I have a pump and a libre. I’ve kind of got to the point where it’s just easier not to eat because I get such differing results that it is impossible to gauge the insulin. My ttd has dropped to about 14u and I’m living on next to nothing. It’s been well over two years since I sat and ate with my family although I still do all the cooking. Since having my daughter my weight has dropped from 9 stone to about 7 and a half stone and I am 5ft 6. I feel like my eating is so disordered now there’s no way back. Food has become fraught with difficulty. If I don’t eat anything I don’t have to worry about doses or being high or low because my basals are right and I can achieve a pretty straight line on my libre by barely eating. My a1c sits around 6. Eating just makes everything difficult and truthfully now I don’t want to put any weight back on. In fact I’d quite like to lose some more.
Is there any hope for me after 25 years of really quite disordered eating? I’m 36 now and really I only aim to live another 14 years until my children are adults. Between not eating and being t1 this feels like a realistic estimate.
If your A1C is are in the sixes I’m not understanding why you figure you will only live another 14 years. Barring other problems you should be able to live for more than a couple decades. there are a lot more ways for a person to die then having decently controlled diabetes.
Well because if the diabetes doesn’t get me then the not eating will I think.
Not eating is certainly detrimental to one’s health, so perhaps it would be a good idea to seek out professional help, as eating disorders are very serious. Good luck with that.
there is a great organization here in the US started by @asha_Brown of We are Diabetes. here’s a talk with her
Diabetes, Diabulimia and Eating Disorders. Our conversation last night with community member Asha Brown on TuDiabetes Talks episode 12 (fast forward to about the 8 minute mark)
they have a UK affiliate
you can also read about others’ stories here if you use the magnifying glass symbol in the upper right corner and search for “diabulimia”
you are not alone here.
I agree with Dave that it’s probably time to get some professional help. It’s not unusual to develop eating disorders around medical issues, and it sounds like that may be what’s happened.
I, too, developed an eating disorder due to all kinds of restrictive diets I was put on as both a kid and an adult, and without help, my entire life would be out of control. I still struggle sometimes, but not as badly as I was struggling before I got help.
If I understood you correctly, you are definitely goal-oriented to being here for your kids while they are kids, but please don’t forget that the people who love you are going to want you to be around for as long as possible. Give yourself as much love and care as you give your kids because you, too, deserve it.
Starving yourself is not going to help anything. As humans, food is required by our bodies. I have never had the biggest appetite in the world, and I lost a lot of weight (unintentionally) because of it, and it has been hard to regain that weight (I still haven’t completely finished that task). One thing that I was diagnosed with that helped me & my doctors figure out why I had so much trouble with the food, weight, and appetite was Addison’s Disease. It took a while for this diagnosis, so I spent a lot of time with bad eating (or not eating) habits. I know how hard it is to eat when you don’t want to, but trust me, you will feel much better once you start eating more. You don’t need to do it all in one day, just make sure you continue moving in the right direction. Think of it as setting a good example for your kids, and try to stay positive!
Why not do a low carb, low fat diet instead of just not eating? Although, I completely understand how easy it is to not eat when diabetic. I’ve lost my hunger signals. I never truly feel hungry.
But following a South Beach maintenance diet would be excellent in allowing you control, but still providing healthy calories and nutrients. Please speak to a health care or counseling professional. Life is so worth it!
Get help almost sounds like an insult, it did to me, my thing was prescription stimulants. Adderal or Ritalin, lasts for hours, better then cocaine up and down every 15 minutes and the doctors wont prescribe it.
The place I went was dual diagnosis, substance abuse and included eating disorders. You would want just eating disorder. They have that. My point is its a relief to be around other people doing the same thing and learning how to recover from it.
Years before I dated a girl with an eating disorder. Eating only carrots and broccoli, then she found out a can of beer has 100-200 calories and that’s when I liked to drink and she wouldn’t drink with me anymore. Their was no argument in the world I could make to convince her to change her eating habits. It made sense to her and I could not change that.
I don’t know how it turned out, sure her family made her get help eventually but my point is the help is not that bad or scary. Its a relief to be around people doing the same thing and work through it and counselors that know what they are talking about.
You can find outpatient help if inpatient is not something you would do.