Dear pancreas,
It’s been a year since you decided to let me know you were no longer going to produce the insulin I need to live. I’m still angry at you about this. I hope we can make peace soon, because I miss my old self so badly but I know you can’t change your destruction. I want to forgive you. I want to understand. I hope one day I do.
Truly,
Your mind & soul.
Jenn let me know if this pancreas is giving you anymore trouble. I know people, we can take care of it.
In all seriousness I definitely feel your anger and frustration, even now after I’ve had 18 years of “the life.” Just stick with this community and we will help you get right back to your old self. I swear.
I had my 1 year anniversary just two weeks ago. I choose to celebrate it by going out, eating a disgusting amount of carbs and getting a bit drunk. 
Although I got used to the whole D thing pretty well, I know how you feel. But your old self is still there. I’m sure it’s just buried under all the emotions and stress we have to deal with. I hope you find it soon.
Kat
Jenn, you’re doing great (wish I had your a1c!). I always get blue on my anniversary and I’ve seen 41 of them. Perhaps it’s a good day to give yourself a little reward? I’m sending you positive thoughts and hugs.
Awww…thank you all! It was a rough week leading up to it. I was reflecting a lot, replaying every moment, reliving it all. I wrote a lot, cried a lot, vented and tried to stay busy. Thank you all for your encouragement that I will find my old self. But I think she died last year. In many ways, I think that’s what this last year has been about: mourning the loss of my former self. I don’t things can ever be the same. How can anyone be unchanged dramatically by this? It is a trauma and a transformation unlike any other. More than an anniversary, it’s like a re-birth day.