Random stressful day + eye stuff

I’m mostly posting because I’m scared, and it’s hard to tell anyone at home because then they’d be scared too and rush around researching vitamins and force-feeding me carrots, and while I like carrots, I’d prefer a more balanced diet. So, I post it here. Feel free to ignore me, although if anyone has similar eye stories–even if they’re scary too, I think I need to know that I’m not alone in this.

It’s been a long day.

So, I got up this morning in time to rush into my clothes and get to the eye doctor. Where they didn’t dialate my eyes, for once. That was one good thing.

The bad thing is that the wierd spot they’re worried about in January is back. It went away at the last appointment (probably because I was on a course of steroids for my wrist (I used like 4 times the insulin of normal, and was still never below 150 for nearly a week)) but they definitely saw it again. They thought that there might be another seeping spot (that sounds like such a scary word when taken in context with my eye!) but when they took a picture (I do not recommend trying to get a picture taken of the back of your eye when your eyes are not dialated) the only wierd bit in the red field were a couple of little yellowish lines kind of in the lower left of the middle. So, it hasn’t gotten any worse. That’s some consolation.

So, I asked the student who had been shining bright lights at me for the better part of two hours what I could look up about this on the internet (he laughed at me). I got “retinopathy” (I’m very near sighted and have an astigmatism, which probably didn’t help matters any if the little I’ve read about retinopathy is accurate). And “macular occlusion”. He said it wasn’t something that I needed to worry about (unless my grid got worse, in which case I should panic and come see them immediately instead of waiting a month), they’d caught it early, there wasn’t anything they could do until they understood what it was doing. Don’t be scared.

Needless to say, I’m scared silly. Not that there’s anything I can do except keep looking at the grid and go to my next appointment where they’ll probably take another picture of the back of my eyes and shine random bright lights at me.

So, the day didn’t start out very well. I went to lunch with my parents (which was nice and I started destressing) and then Dad had a meeting at 2:30 before picking up my sister from school at 3. At 3 he remembered her, and left the meeting unfinished to go pick her up. We called Mom, who said that my brother had just called and he was near the high school, so he could pick her up instead, and Dad could get back to the meeting and hopefully get home before midnight.

So we arranged it. Dad went off to the meeting. I sat at his computer and thought about posting my eye story here. And my brother called. When he was on the phone with me, he said he had to drop something off before he went to get her. Unfortunately, he’d gotten distracted while talking with me, and now his keys were locked in his running car.

So, Mom and I rushed around. I went up and down trying to find Dad’s meeting to tell him what was up and give him his keys. We got my sister (only half an hour late) went to my brother’s house for a spare set of car keys through the worst traffic jam (it took us nearly an hour to drive what would normally take 10 minutes), dropped them off, and got home just in time to make supper for everyone including my niece and nephew who were over so that my sister and her husband could have a date night.

My blood sugar had been running low all day until that traffic jam.

On the plus side, I haven’t had time to think about my eye. And the kids were fun. When their mother came in, they were both cuddling with me.

But I’m tired. And stressed out. And scared. I shouldn’t be. I wish I wasn’t.


Try not to be scared. Don’t read too much into internet websites, even the reputable ones. Sometimes, the reputable ones (like the ones I have had the sticky on) can be too technical. Plus, when one is worried about something, it makes one even more upset. Keep looking at the chart when you are supposed to, and if there are any changes, call them right away, so they can get you back in. It seems that you are a little more frightened than back in January. It may take time for some of these matters to clear up, by whatever means necessary - if necessary.

If it’s of any consoloation, to know that you are not alone, my glaucoma (the everyday kind) dx was officialized, and I’m doing the drop every night in the one eye. On the bright side, last checkup showed that the pressure was down in both eyes.

Sounds like you guys had a ball today! LOL!

Hang in there Sweetie! Here’s some (((((((( HUGS ))))))) for you!


You said that the eye person was a student! I would take what he or she says with a pinch of salt. They might have meant well, but the diagnosis of retinopathy is not a given! It has to be really bad for it to be retinopathy. I have small changes, similar to the ones you described and they told me not to worry, and I am not, though I have had some pain in my left eye and went to the optician and he tested my eyes again and I needed new glasses - four months after the last ones - but the pain was down to dry eye.

I now have new glasses and am very happy with them. They could not explain why I needed new ones so soon, but it was nothing to do with bleeding or diabetes. Apparently that does not hurt.

Remember that blurring can occur when you are high or low and it is often temporary, so when you are looking at your chart (we don’t have them in UK) and it looks blurry, check your sugar.

And being tired and stressed will not help. Thank God for neices and nephews! Hugs are healing!

Hope you get a good night’s sleep and wake up feeling refreshed! And don’t go looking for things on the internet. Because of my eye pain I “diagnosed” myself with MS. As it turned out I have diabetic neuropathy and dry eye!

You guys are apsolutely right. Tricia–after I posted, I checked my blood sugar, and I was at 186–somehow life is always a bit darker when I’m high. I’m going to calm down now that I have the scared part out of my system and keep an eye (one eye at a time) on the grid.It could be worse. My professor from the class I’m taking this semester has to get a shot in each eye like once a quarter (which apparently involves waiting all day–which may be worse than the shot itself). And I’m not going to borrow trouble. Right now, I still have my central vision and there’s no guarantee that I’ll lose anything. Maybe it will even get better.

There’s an optometry school in town, and that’s where I get my eyes checked (they don’t charge as much and have all sorts of cool machines with students who need practice with people who have real world problems (the pictures in their books are about perfection or extremes of condition, and most people’s problems start out with tiny changes))–any problem they clear with an actual doctor/professor before they tell me. Apparently, when they shined lights in my eyes they thought it was worse than when they saw the pictures which didn’t show any problem in the other areas. So, that’s another way it could have been worse. Half the time when I look at the grid I find myself second guessing–am I not seeing that space at the bottom? Am I sure the lines are straight?

I’ve already done some site hopping for definitions, just so that I have a better idea of what they’re worried about, so I don’t have to worry about random things that have nothing to do with what’s actually wrong. From what I gather through a quick read, retinopathy can occur because of miopia as well (which I’ve had since I was about 8) so maybe I shouldn’t be blaming this on diabetes at all. Maybe I should be thanking my lucky stars that I’m getting regular, comprehensive eye exams and that they were looking for something like this, because we saw it early–I mean, this is a change since last year when they looked at my eyes and couldn’t tell I had diabetes.

Because you have’t had type 1 very long and your control is very good, I think that it’s unlikely that what is going on is related to diabetes. But that doesn’t make it any less scary nor is I there anyway to ever know whether it’s diabetes related or not. Most “diabetic complications” happen to other people too, just at much higher levels in the diabetic population. Glad you’re getting good care and that you’re keeping on top of what is going on.