Reflecting...and celebrating, With a little guilt

So, today was my 6 month endo appt. No big deal, right? Well today while talking to her, I was overwhelmed by so many emotions. Pride. Joy. Luck. Amazement. And guilt. Why guilt? Ill get to that.

I dont really blog much, but wanted to share this with my TuD fam.

Endo (after looking at my blood work): Well, your cholesterol is about 25 points too high, and you could probably stand to lose about 15 pounds.

Me (after all these things hit me): Uh, really? Thats it?

Endo: Were you expecting something else?

Me: You know what doc? Ive had type 1 for 48 years now (this is my diaversary, give or take a few weeks). And after 48 years all you have to tell me is my cholesterol and weight are a little too high?

Endo: Well, yes. Your A1C is good, your fasting BG is good, calcium is good, kidney function is at 100%, and Im not seeing any other issues.

Me: Thats friggin' AMAZING! FORTY EIGHT YEARS with NO complications!

Endo: Well, yes, it is.

And we spent about 20 minutes talking about my almost half a century with D.

We talked about about how I didnt even take my first home blood glucose test until I was 19 when they first came out. We talked about how I still remember as a child boiling my glass and stainless syringes, and having to manually sharpen the needles. We talked about test tape and pee tests, and now, how funny it is they even used those for recording control.

I told her about the times as a teen when I didnt give a second thought about walking up to the neighborhood Safeway and buying a pound of Kraft caramel, and eating it all within 24 hours. And not bolusing for it.

I told her about the 3 times I woke up with an EMT in my face after losing 3-6 hours because of a severe low, and twice in the hospital.

We talked about how funny it is (now) that NPH and Regular on a sliding scale was the treatment of choice back then.

I told her how excited I was was Humalog first came out, and what a miracle it was. Lantus, also.

It really is truly amazing what Ive been through, and how Ive escaped complications. Here's where the guilt comes in.

I really dont micro-manage my diabetes. I mean, sure, I watch my diet, test 8-10 times a day, etc. But if I have a fasting BG of say, 225, I shrug it off, correct, and move on. And to anyone reading this, I honestly believe THAT is the key to a happy life with D. Do the best you can, and move on. Dont fret about what MIGHT happen, just deal with IS happening, and move on.

Its always been my belief a successful life with D involves 3 things: good care, luck, and good genes. I have been incredibly blessed to have all 3. Not everyone does. And yes, sometimes I feel guilty about that.

So, in closing, its really been an incredible emotional high for me today. The incredible life of D Ive had. Ive been through SOOOOO much. And even though Ive been though so much, there are always people who have been though more. Two members here, shoshana and richard157, are examples. They too have so lucky. I am proud to stand with them in the long-timers club, and hope to be here for another 40 years.

To those who are newly diagnosed and scared, take my word for this. YOU CAN DO IT! You have so much technology at your fingertips, and with a community like TuD alongside you, you can have a healthy, happy, D life.

Like I have been lucky to experience.

Excellent Blog Dan, You have a wonderful attitude about your D. Wishing you 48 more yeas complication free.

So happy for you! Love this blog - you showed so much optimism! Thanks for sharing!

Well said Dan. Although I'm only at 31 years with D, I hope to join you, Shoshana and Richard in the long-timers club one day. Love your attitude.


I really needed to read this today. I have been struggling with my BG for the past week, especially my fasting numbers.

I was getting really down on myself and thinking about how much damage is being done to my body.

I need to shurg it off, correct, and keep doing the best I can.

Thanks for this. It brightened my day. Maybe I will be lucky enough to care for myself (the best I can) and come out doing just fine at 40+ yrs of having this disease.

Congratulations, Dan.

Nice post, Dan. You have pretty well summed up my approach as well. I mean after all, if you wake up with a 225, what else can you do besides correct for it and move on? Sure you can spend some time analyzing why (bad infusion site, huge dinner, etc, etc), but after 48 years, most of that probably happens close to automatically.

Great to hear, Dan! I have balanced "enjoy your life" attitude too. Everything is a trade off. My A1C's are high 6's to low 7's, (worse when I was younger, of course), eat quite healthy (most of the time), and weights/walking most days. I was disappointed recently that my kidney function was labeled Stage 2 by my new (young) endo, but hopefully with some dietary changes I can stabilize that or maybe even improve it a bit. That caused me to reflect a lot, including feeling sorry for myself, not to mention having to switch to a low-sodium plan was depressing. (No bacon? No soup? WHAAAAHHH!) But upon reflecting I realized I have had a really amazing life. I celebrate every birthday with gusto, I have enjoyed lots of traveling and amazing food, I have danced a lot, and I do community theatre which has brought great friendships. I may not be the most rigid, but I'm pretty compliant most of the time, and I have done things some T1D's just don't allow themselves if they are super strict. I do hope once you hit 50 years you participate in the Joslin study, because if you are still complication-free at that point, there are likely protective genetic factors you have that they want to understand better. Enjoy your life, sounds like you do!

Dan, great blog! I am so happy you have done so well, and keep you up as one of my best examples, along with many of long time diabetics on here, that i can look up to in bad times!
Thanks for all you do for us!

Bravo Dan! Bravo!

great blog I especially like your paragraph that says you do not micro manage your diabetes, just deal with what is happening! great, great advise so simple yet so true! congrats on your health you manifested that with your attitude and acceptance of what is! blessings, amy

Great blog, and great attitude. Our dear friend Barbara's endo used to tell her, "If you can figure out the cause in ten seconds or so, great. Otherwise, just correct and move on."

You can't fix yesterday.

This is awesome, Dan! Thanks so much for sharing it. I can relate very much to feeling lucky and a little guilty. I'm so glad you're in good health!!