Yesterday I spent the day with my best friend, Renee. We went for a hour walk, ate at Portos, and then spent the rest of the afternoon knitting & chatting at Unwind in Burbank. I feel really good about making the decision to get out more and socializing after such a long time spent on not really wanting to see anyone. And after that little breakdown I had the day after New Years, when I realized I have T2 and how pissed off and SCARED I am about it, it was a huge relief to be able to spend the day living my life rather than obsessing about Diabetes and searching online for symptoms of any number of complications/illnesses/conditions (my fear & anxiety seem to manifest into hypochondria). The road to acceptance seems like an eternity…I spent the last year in denial (doing the bare minimum) and now I’m experiencing fear and anger at once, but I guess at least I’m doing SOMETHING about it now.
Even with being able to admit, to myself, that I have Diabetes and taking charge there was this ‘issue’ I had been holding back and not telling anybody about and I knew Renee would understand, not only because I can tell her anything, but because her husband was diagnosed with T2 a couple years ago. And of course, she was pissed when I admitted to her that although I was ready to start dating (and hopefully find that special somebody I could share my life with), after a very long hiatus since my last LONG relationship ended, that I couldn’t help but feel scared about it because I felt like nobody would want me after finding out I had Diabetes. Why? Because I feel like ‘damaged goods’. It’s terrible to say this I know, which is why it took so long for me to really be able to confide in somebody and tell them about this fear I had. I know Diabetes isn’t a huge sign I wear on my forehead or a description of who I am…I know this in my right mind as common sense and if somebody told me this about themselves I’d tell them they were being ridiculous or if I was with somebody who had Diabetes I would support and help rather than blame them for it. …just part of my journey, but it seems so overwhelming.
Ha! When I got diagnosed with type II four years ago, I lost my job because of all the work I was missing and haven’t worked since. At least I have my photography to fall back on but even it’s been slow lately. I got so depressed after being diagnosed that I take Zoloft every day to help me get through it. I just blogged because of my frustrations being about the complications. I seem to have so much going wrong with me that I just can’t keep up with it all. I not only lost my job, but I also lost my girl friend of 5 years so I really feel deserted. Nothing like getting diagnosed with diabetes, loosing your job, loosing your special someone you thought you would spend the rest of your life with and then having all these health aspects to deal with at the same time.