Social food etiquette

I’ve been T1 long enough that all my friends and relatives know I eat low carb, but I remember the last time I went some place new, and I’d forgot to tell the host in advance that I was on a special diet. I offered to share my potatoes with the rest of the family, and told the host that starch was ‘not on my diet’. Later, I explained privately that I am diabetic. I wanted to make sure no feelings were hurt but not start a round table on diabetes.

Because, between Google and Reader’s Digest, everyone is an expert, and telling a dinner table that I have diabetes is an invitation to hear every quack ‘cure’ that’s ever been advertised. And then the escalating run of horror stories starts. This one lost a toe, that one is on dialysis - the next story always seems to one up the previous one.

My super power is to ruin any social gathering by uttering a single word. :frowning:
–buck

the last time i went out to eat was with my nephew’s taekwondo group. i checked my blood sugar in the car and it was good and wear a pump. i actually felt embarrassed to order a salad, so I ordered a large sandwich with fries, something I would never normally eat. Just with the food choices people will start asking questions, nevermind whipping out diabetes gear.

I go to a lot of places where the food does not follow my own meal desires or requirements. I just choose what I can eat or what I like. I don’t offer my medical conditions or allergies to stuff as my reason for not eating this or that. I don’t mention it at all. I’ll go out on my ever growing limb and suggest that I don’t ever suggest anyone eat something I think they should try and never understood why folks do that. I don’t want to hear about their medical conditions, allergies, etc. either. If someone seems intent on me eating something I can’t or wont I say No Thank You!

Eat what you want, what you like, and what you can tolerate Cocheze, and if you feel embarrassed or like you need to follow the crowd please try to remember that YOU made that choice and OWN the decision. I hope that large sandwich and fries was bolus worthy :wink:

One time I was doing a research project for a class in college with a classmate and we went to Hardee’s for lunch. She ordered something unhealthy then I follow up with “A turkey burger, no ketchup, with a side salad with ranch and a diet coke” she was like “did you really just order a turkey burger?!” and I was like “yeah, I watch what I eat.” the questions continued for what seemed like several minutes only to which I basically had to say “I’m a diabetic.” Not that I think there’s something wrong with claiming having the disease, but I really didn’t want to get into the whole diabetic card thing on that day. Of course “I wear a pump” came out of my mouth soon thereafter. Sighs

[quote=“Cocheze, post:25, topic:47783, full:true”]
One time I was doing a research project for a class in college with a classmate and we went to Hardee’s for lunch. She ordered something unhealthy then I follow up with “A turkey burger, no ketchup, with a side salad with ranch and a diet coke” she was like “did you really just order a turkey burger?!” and I was like “yeah, I watch what I eat.” the questions continued for what seemed like several minutes only to which I basically had to say “I’m a diabetic.” Not that I think there’s something wrong with claiming having the disease, but I really didn’t want to get into the whole diabetic card thing on that day. Of course “I wear a pump” came out of my mouth soon thereafter. Sighs[/quote]Sigh! It’s okay for you to judge another person’s choice though? Not to dis on a Hardee’s turkey gig but I doubt that was the definition of healthy either - LOL. I’m sorry you feel you must defend your food.

Somehow we need to call out this reflexive and ignorant behavior. I just don’t see a way to politely do it. But this line of discussion is insensitive and rude. Maybe approaching people one-on-one later might be effective. If you can only get them to hear what they’re saying from the perspective of someone all-too-familiar with the hazards of diabetes and the endless parades of huckster “cures” seemingly hatched to raise and dash hopes in an especially painful way!

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The last time I was in a group out to have fun after a softball game, it was a fish fry. Which experience tells me is Not A Good Thing For Me. So I ordered a diet soda and stuck to my ‘Not hungry, thanks’ until they stopped asking. I didn’t feel embarrassed, but I’m also mildly Aspie, so I’m going to call that my secret weapon… Yeah, that’s the ticket!

So yes, I agree with you that food is part of the social contract, and having unusual (for the table) food will raise questions. If I don’t personally know how every person within earshot is going to react I tell the group that it’s private and I prefer not to discuss it in public. After the first explanation, there’s usually one more round of polite-ish questions with which I answer with ‘Not in public.’ Lather, rinse, repeat.

Again, my secret weapon is that I pretty much can’t detect if they disapprove of me (or approve, for that matter!) for my food choice or not. I realise not everyone is in the same position, and all I can do is share what works (if you can call it that) for me.

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I always order water, but that’s because I was a soda jerk back in the day and I know what is in those soda dispenser gigs. Also if I did get a drink that I didn’t order, I’d send it back. Is this a trick question?? LOL

I’ve gotten regular coke instead of diet, tried sending it back, and got "oh you’re not fat, just drink it.l

[quote=“Cocheze, post:32, topic:47783, full:true”]
I’ve gotten regular coke instead of diet, tried sending it back, and got "oh you’re not fat, just drink it.l
[/quote]Ask for the supervisor…and say “This is not what I ordered, and your server does not feel that I should receive what I ordered”. BTW Cocheze, I would leave this place and not pay for anything that did come to the table.

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I think I would have liked your Dad!

I’ve tried this: ‘Is that supposed to cheer me up?’

Whether my fellow conversationalist apologises at his breach of decorum, or doubles down with ‘It’s the truth!’ - it is quite an awkward situation. I’m already awkward enough in a social situation; it’s not like I need to make an entire room suddenly start staring intently at their shoes.

Maybe it’s wrong of me; maybe I should take each opportunity to be a responsible diabetes educator, but most days I’m not up to the task, and avoid that discussion as much as possible.

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I’m like you that way. I know what I would like to roll out ideally but I’m not socially competent enough to pull it off. There’s nothing wrong with living to fight another day!

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I am on your bus, Buck. I don’t take each opportunity to educate about diabetes. I just try to enjoy myself. I prefer to not discuss what is wrong with me (and as said before I sure don’t want to hear what’s wrong with everyone else). LOL - I’d rather explain the crazy t-shirt I chose. As one who has other conditions that no one ever even heard of before, I avoid discussing my food choices.

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i don’t have the sense of conflict. If I want to eat something, I don’t. If somebody pushes something, I’m like “nah, thanks, I’m trying to pace myself…” and leave it at that. I don’t see a huge difference nutrition-wise between a Turkey Burger and regular burger (or bacon cheeseburger, heh heh heh…) at Hardees as, at least in D-terms, I am looking primarily at carbs, with maybe a wink at protein/fat.

I have done some online fitness groups, BeachBody sort of programs and it can be similar,trying to stick to a 50/30/20 pro/carb/fat balance all the time, while working out hard 6 days/ week. When I did T25, I also ran and had great results and got stronger and faster but that was 2013 and I haven’t kept it up. I think that a lot of D-people may be overly strict. Particularly here at Tu, there’s a lot of “I can’t eat…” sentiments which I don’t agree with. I totally agree that various foods are challenging but, with practice, they can be managed as well as cleaner eating approaches.

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My endo tells me that I’m too strict, but then again he aso said I’d never be able to stick to a low carb diet. That was what, 10 years ago now? Anyway, you’re right: different people can and should come to their own internal sense of what they will and won’t put up with.

I may be overthinking the problem, and not for the first time, either. My post prandial goal is 120. I don’t have a CGM, but many finger sticks tell me that I’m under that goal more than 80% of the time. I relax the goal when eating out because I don’t want to get crashy low because I miscounted and over-bolused. Anyway, I’ve tried to eat say a fish fry, and bolus for that, and the only way I stay below 200 is to over-bolus (for the carb peak) and then eat glucose tablets (or fractions) to compensate for the oncoming lows. I’ve never been able to eat a normal meal like a cheeseburger with the bun and stay under 120.

I’ve sort of mentally shrugged and attributed that to the quirks of my own physiology, but I’m very much open to hearing what I can change in order to relax my admittedly strict carb intake. What approaches have worked for you to manage higher carb loads as well as lower carb loads? If the answer is that I’m reading ‘managed as well as’ too strictly, well you can see it’s a bit of a habit, and I hope you can forgive me.

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I’ve been trying to figure out how to cover cereal for years now. It works sometimes, but most of the time I end up spiking to 14 mmol/L (250 mg/dl) or so afterward, even with a pre-bolus of 30-45 minutes. I’d love to be able to eat a quick bowl of cereal in the morning, but so far I just find it easier to avoid eating it (and other similarly high-carb and high-GI foods). I think a lot of people are in this same boat.

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I have experienced that guests with special religious or allergy issues are always respected, but when it comes to diabetes, people just don’t get it.

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[quote=“Jen, post:40, topic:47783, full:true”]

I’ve been trying to figure out how to cover cereal for years now. It works sometimes, but most of the time I end up spiking to 14 mmol/L (250 mg/dl) or so afterward, even with a pre-bolus of 30-45 minutes. I’d love to be able to eat a quick bowl of cereal in the morning, but so far I just find it easier to avoid eating it (and other similarly high-carb and high-GI foods). I think a lot of people are in this same boat.
[/quote]I have never been to a social gathering where cereal was served! And when we throw a party, cereal is not on the table for grabs. I have lots of stuff out for picking that I can’t eat, no one says a thing. I have no idea what folks can, will, won’t eat. Of course my own family table is aware of these things but out side the house it’s just go have a good time. If you CAN’T do that then stay home. I don’t get why folks think all things food need to follow OUR particular eating plan.

@karen57…I think @Jen was relating to the broader, but relevant, questions raised by posts from @acidrock23 and @Buck…Bolus Blessings to all—don’t cringe—or do 'cause I probably deserve it—but sometimes I wish I could bolus so I had options I can’t do controlling with diet and exercise only!..Judith in Portland…