Hi there, my husband is 47, he was diagnosed approximately 5 years ago. He has a bodybuilder type body frame - no steroid use. He’s about 5’11 and 250 lbs. Most of that is muscle - carries some weight around his middle which is hard.
He was very premature back when woman drank tab and smoked during their pregnancies. He was about 3 months premature back when babies like that didn’t survive. He has 70% hearing in one ear and 40 in the other but he reads lips. He had braces on his legs when he was little, he’s been a fighter.
His mom still drinks regular coke, doesn’t eat great and smokes. He was drinking 60 ounces of regular pepsi a day when I met him. I grew up with a mother that thought Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal was junk food. He went to Pepsi One (splenda) around the time he met me.
He has some viral and exercise induced asthma, mainly coughing and takes an inhaled corticosteroid for it daily. He quit his pop habit and has always tried to stay somewhat lower carb most of the time long before the diabetes, for weight purposes. But he worked out a ton and ate however he wanted to when we were out - weekends, holidays, etc.
When he was diagnosed he didn’t want it to rule his life. We went to 2 of the classes - I went with and was very involved. Then we couldn’t make the 3rd and he bailed ont he 4th and despite my efforts he never went back.
He goes to his appointments and his A1C is around 7.0 but he doesn’t test very regularly at all - maybe once every month or so. And he doesn’t count carbs.
He’s developed GERD and had some high blood pressure and higher cholesterol which I am told are good now - with medications.
He has Maple Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal with a tiny splash of 1/2 and 1/2 and a drizzle of honey in the morning and a PACT cranberry extract water most mornings. I got the steel cut version which he doesn’t like as much. I know it’d be better for sweeping cholesterol, protein, blood sugar, etc. and he knows.
I’ve offered and pack good snacks for him at his desk - he works in a warehouse and is on his feet a lot. Things like Lara Bars and apples, jerky, nuts, healthier crackers and those snap pea snacks and baked garbanzo bean snacks.
For lunches he’ll get into a rut and eat a lot of chinese, pizza and sometimes he’s really good on eating salads - usually a chef type salad or a baked potato and chili from Wendy’s…healthier options.
We have 2 boys, 6 and 8. For dinner I try to do a lean protein, a vegetable and a healthier starch. He likes spaghetti squash or I’ll do a steamed corn or peas or green beans…I try to limit the carbs but I don’t exclude pasta maybe 1 time a week or a pizza night. We go out to eat maybe once a week? He’ll typically have a couple popsicles or a pudding at night…full sugar. I’ve tried to get him into dark chocolate - he does not like it.
But sometimes it’s bad yknow? We went to a movie and after a lunch I made, he had nachos and a pretzel…and then I had made spaghetti for dinner and he wanted bread with it - which kills me.
He has some insomnia and the dawn phenomenon with his blood sugar.
He caught a nasty cold we all got but it’s been almost a month of it in some fashion…and he doesn’t eat well when he’s sick.
I’m Type A - to the max. And he’s not…and I dont’ have diabetes - so this puts us in a bad dynamic naturally. I try to leave it alone and have healthier stuff in the house, and also feed my kids…limit eating out…stuff like that. If I’m going to make pasta one night I’ll make scrambled eggs for breakfast that day…I search for balance. He gets defensive whenever I bring it up - doesn’t want to talk about it - doesn’t want me involved. I feel that’s so unfair - because I’m very affected - we all are.
He doesn’t seem to ask his doc a lot of questions - he doesn’t research, he doesn’t test regularly…his A1C is ok…but I also hear that damage happens at blood sugars over 140 so is it? So the Gerd and the Blood Pressure and the Insomnia - it’s like a chicken or the egg type of thing. His stomach seems to be more sensitive now. Is he having damage from swings? Is it normal stuff that happens as you near 50?
I don’t know what to make of it…how he’s doing…if this is good enough…I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know what to do and I have our future and 2 little boys that I worry about. They adore him - he’s great and very involved. I know HIPPA would probably prevent me from talking to his doc and he wouldn’t want me at an appointment.
I’m the type that is convinced if he can be at a 7 with the little he does…that he could be way better if he tried harder. It seems like he doesn’t get that the swings are bad even if the A1C is ok - and I don’t know if 7 is even good? Docs don’t seem to know a ton about diabetes - it’s so intertwined with other things.
And I get pissed…pissed when he can’t get over a virus or cold for 1 month because I’m convinced not regulating his blood sugar is a good part of it. Pissed when I come home and he’s bought pop tarts, popsicles and pudding from the store cause he doesn’t have much appetite.
Selfishly I worry about him not being able to work as long as we planned, him not being healthy, how that will affect his life, my life, our sons lives, our free time, our quality of life as a family, our financial security…plans for college funds and if my sons will be at higher risk.
I’m so sorry for all this ranting. It’s been a long lonely 5 years. I know - NO ONE else who is diabetic or has a diabetic partner. I have no one to talk to.
Sincerely yours, confused and totally helpless.