*The following is how I interpret the meaning of the song. Any actual meaning is, of course, up to U2.*
Sometimes we hear songs that hit a chord deep within ourselves. A song that just speaks to us because we see our own lives in it, we see ourselves. For me one such song is by, incidentally, my favorite band, U2. The song is called Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of and is from their album All That You Can't Leave Behind.
The album is full of amazing songs. The group has a million songs that I just love, and many of them speak to me on that deep, personal, level. This song, however, is one of the few that brings up thoughts of my diabetes, and my struggle with it.
As the title of the song makes obvious (to me at least), it is about those moments we all have numerous of in our lives. Moments of profound shame, embarrassment, regret. Moments in our lives that may change the course of our lives because of a mistake, a bad choice, or maybe something that was out of our hands.
Moments that we keep reliving in our minds over and over as if that might somehow take us back in time and change them. We can't shake the memory, we can't not think about it because we are so regretful, so ashamed, so traumatized by it.
Yes, I have many of these moments. But the greatest is not a moment but a diagnosis. Type 1 diabetes. It isn't shame, embarrassment, or regret. It's trauma, resentment, and the decision to rebel. It's a behavior.
I keep reliving the decision. I keep falling back on the bad habits of rebellion, neglect, and self-destruction. I can't get out of it.
"I never thought you were a fool, but darling look at you"
When will I learn to stop giving in to temptation?
"Don't say that later will be better."
I keep telling myself I'll start working out tomorrow. I'll start cracking down harder on my eating habits tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes! Damn it! I need to do it now! Break the cycle!
"The nights you filled with fireworks, they left you with nothing."
I did everything I thought I wanted. I lived how I wanted, not how I needed to for good health. And now, look at me, I'm riddled with serious complications of diabetes.
"You can never get enough of what you don't really need."
I ate all the foods that are worst for me. I did everything opposite of what I was taught. Why? Because I wasn't supposed to. Rebellion, yo.
"The water is warm till you discover how deep.
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all"
I've got nothing but pain to show for my poor decisions in life.
"And if your way should falter along the stony pass, it's just a moment, this time will pass"
I've learned a lot. I've matured a lot. I will forever suffer the consequences of my past. But I also will not succumb to the worst of what could have happened.
This is my interpretation of the song. This is how it speaks to me. One moment in time changed the course of my entire life. Where would I be today had I not have become diabetic? How would I look? Would I be in a better financial situation? Would I have met my husband? Would I have children? Where would I be living?
The only thing I know for certain is that I would be much healthier right now.