Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of

*The following is how I interpret the meaning of the song. Any actual meaning is, of course, up to U2.*

Sometimes we hear songs that hit a chord deep within ourselves. A song that just speaks to us because we see our own lives in it, we see ourselves. For me one such song is by, incidentally, my favorite band, U2. The song is called Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of and is from their album All That You Can't Leave Behind.

The album is full of amazing songs. The group has a million songs that I just love, and many of them speak to me on that deep, personal, level. This song, however, is one of the few that brings up thoughts of my diabetes, and my struggle with it.

As the title of the song makes obvious (to me at least), it is about those moments we all have numerous of in our lives. Moments of profound shame, embarrassment, regret. Moments in our lives that may change the course of our lives because of a mistake, a bad choice, or maybe something that was out of our hands.

Moments that we keep reliving in our minds over and over as if that might somehow take us back in time and change them. We can't shake the memory, we can't not think about it because we are so regretful, so ashamed, so traumatized by it.

Yes, I have many of these moments. But the greatest is not a moment but a diagnosis. Type 1 diabetes. It isn't shame, embarrassment, or regret. It's trauma, resentment, and the decision to rebel. It's a behavior.

I keep reliving the decision. I keep falling back on the bad habits of rebellion, neglect, and self-destruction. I can't get out of it.

"I never thought you were a fool, but darling look at you"

When will I learn to stop giving in to temptation?

"Don't say that later will be better."

I keep telling myself I'll start working out tomorrow. I'll start cracking down harder on my eating habits tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes! Damn it! I need to do it now! Break the cycle!

"The nights you filled with fireworks, they left you with nothing."

I did everything I thought I wanted. I lived how I wanted, not how I needed to for good health. And now, look at me, I'm riddled with serious complications of diabetes.

"You can never get enough of what you don't really need."

I ate all the foods that are worst for me. I did everything opposite of what I was taught. Why? Because I wasn't supposed to. Rebellion, yo.

"The water is warm till you discover how deep.
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all"

I've got nothing but pain to show for my poor decisions in life.

"And if your way should falter along the stony pass, it's just a moment, this time will pass"

I've learned a lot. I've matured a lot. I will forever suffer the consequences of my past. But I also will not succumb to the worst of what could have happened.

This is my interpretation of the song. This is how it speaks to me. One moment in time changed the course of my entire life. Where would I be today had I not have become diabetic? How would I look? Would I be in a better financial situation? Would I have met my husband? Would I have children? Where would I be living?

The only thing I know for certain is that I would be much healthier right now.

wow tamra that's pretty powerful, I probably clicked to read more about your post because I love u2 also, maybe we grew up in the same error with a u2 poster on our bedroom walls lol! I haven't been on this site much lately so I don't know much about you but I felt compelled to share. I hope you have come further along in your acceptance of your D, as I am sure you know is the only way to move forward and stop looking back. Easy for me to say, I do not have D my 16 year old son does. His D song oh I can think of the name of it but the line that I know is drawing him in is if you never walked a mile in my shoes you just don't know what its like or something like that, it kind of breaks my heart but he has been pretty resilient as a teen he eats like crazy but at least matches what he eats with appropriate dosing, he doesn't talk much about it or feel the need to connect with other 'like him' he does what he needs to do like brushing his teeth and washing his clothes. the other day I was listening from the kitchen and he was testing got an error, opened his test trip case put in another and I said from the other room ya know Jacob you never say a word when that happens that's pretty amazing I think its reflects your acceptance of course he kiddingly said *&#$! so anyways just wanted to share a bit and let you know you have a choice now and everyday, it is not easy but you have a choice not to be perfect but to be good enough, love yourself for who you are and be the healthiest you can be in this body that your beautiful spirit calls home. blessings, amy

YES!, Amy, I didn't just have a U2 poster on my wall, I had an entire wall covered in U2 posters! I have accepted my diabetes, it took me 25 years (I've been diabetic for 27ish), but I accepted it and the responsibility of it. I still struggle with the guilt and feelings of failure over the many complications I have because of my years of neglect and rebellion, but I do take care of myself now and I no longer live in anger and hatred of my disease.

Thank you for your post, your son sounds like a great diabetic and smart guy. :) I do know, though, that if he doesn't like to talk about his diabetes, that doesn't mean he doesn't want to talk about it. In my experience most diabetics have deep seeded emotional struggles that come with this disease. I know as his mother you keep a close eye on his emotional needs. Right now, seeing as he's male and a teenager, he probably keeps himself pretty closed off. One day, though, he'll want to open up and he'll need someone to talk to. It may not be you, though, even though you are close to him and have been there through everything, he may feel the need to connect to another diabetic. Sorry if I'm over-stepping my bounds, it's just something I've experienced myself and with other diabetics I've been in contact with. Then again, though, I have met diabetics who never, ever want or feel the need to "talk about it".

hi Tammra, hope you had a good easter wow too much food Jacob had heartburn and a tummy ache after dinner and desert and just went for his peeps, not a good day for our blood sugar reset which I want to work with him on in a discreet way of course! I think he is just eating a ton and maybe not counting carbs accurately enough but anyways! I agree with you on the deep seeded issues stuff, and realize this is one of those things that can wear on the emotions and spirit and obviously the body. also as you said as a teen he isn't to forthright about sharing that sort of thing but I think he knows I have his back and am fully available for him, for him positive affirmations of any kind have always worked well. Thanks for you input and be well. Amy hey you've inspired me im going to start playing u2 on youtube during meal prep for a bit of happy nostalgia! I was born in 1970 you?

I was born in '79. :)