Hard Days every now and then?

Mental and Emotional Wellness
1

When I was working out tonight a song came on that stuck in my mind by THREE DAYS GRACE-Animal I Have Become:

I can't escape this hell So many times I've tried But I'm still caged inside Somebody get me through this nightmare I can't control myself . . .

Not to say that I am out of control but I am having a hard day and the thought struck me that

sometimes I feel like I am not in control of my body like I was when I wasn't a diabetic, it sometimes seems to control me. Maybe I don't like that feeling of lack of control and I don't want to accept it, although if I don't accept,it matters not because reality is, I have diabetes and I will probably have if for the rest of my life.

I have been cruising this site for about a week, making a lot of changes, hopefully for the better, new diet, more exercise, lots of readings, food log, but I don't feel any more in control yet. I guess my body needs to adjust to all the changes. Changes in basal rates and fast acting insulin made by my doctor, new dose in thyroid medication. I feel like I am in shock tonight, like it is too much all at once.

Has anyone else been through something like this and what helped get you through to the other side? How long did it take for the changes to start making you feel better? I feel like I am a guinea pig going through some type of strange scientific experiment that I am performing on myself. Why are all the right things making me feel so bad? Is it just something you have to go through to feel healthy again?

The rest of my life is going fine but trying to be so in control of the diabetes is taking lots of time away from the things that are most important to me, my family, work, life itself.

From those of you who have been there, any thoughts on the journey, and what inspires you to continue being steadfast and true to the diabetes what drives you, motivates you to do your best?

2

Hello:

Our disease has many sentiments, Many… of them, I offer these, in hopes that pretty perhaps ~bittersweet~ music, may bring a smile to a fellow diabetic… songs that could be written by us, for us…? Turn off the video(s), listen to the music…

The Wall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHk_Emakefg

Come Sail Away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo_4QopvYFs

Carry On Wayward Son
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pw6_VXPwm6U&feature=PlayList&amp…

Dust in the Wind -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh5JSxfiZC4

You are not alone…
Stuart

3

Before I was diabetic, I didn’t feel as if I had control over my body either. It all depends on how you look at it. Before diabetes, I didn’t care for my body, I allowed it to put on way too much weight, I never moved it as in exercise, I didn’t know what was going on with it most of the time, I would have small twinges, big pains, and not do anything about it. Now, though, and I have had diabetes for 10 years, I am more aware of what my body is doing and how it is reacting to what life sends it.
Do I always like the reactions, heck no~! Sometimes I hate it. But then I look at the reactions and live with them. I hate the fact that some of the meds help increase my weight gain, not loss. I hate that one med made me gain 29 lbs while being very, very diligent in watching what I ate. But that was a sign and indication that that med was not for me. I have found that if I allow diabetes to be the ruler of my body or my life, it wins the war, and that’s not acceptable to me. That is why with all my energy I work for “normal”. Normal for me is having a pancreas that doesn’t function correctly at optimum levels. Normal for me is wearing glasses. Normal for me is having to watch everything that I put in my mouth, not because of the diabetes but because I am filled with fat cells that love to grown bigger :o). Normal for me is having to take 12 pills a day, and that’s not counting diabetes meds. Normal for me is limping on the right side, and not being able to throw a ball with my right arm, I have arthritis.

I had a nurse tell me I don’t have to be perfect, I have to keep working at keeping numbers within a range. Some things in diabetes we can’t control. Our own insulin or the meds or the insulin you inject is a horror -mone and you can’t always control the reactions of horomones. What you can do is make the healthiest choices possible for you at the time you have to make a choice. Sometimes you are going to do all the right things and your numbers or your range of measurement will be totally off. Sometimes you will do all the wrong things, and your numbers or range of measurement will be right on!
It’s NOT rocket science. All you can really do, if make the healthiest choices, and live with those, not trying to be perfect, not living to adore the god diabetes, but living your life to the fullest that you can.

Find a new song…a new mantra…one that is more positive, and live with that one singing in your head…it’s easier and much less stressful.

4

Dear lotsofshots,
Diabetes definately takes an emotional toll. I recommend you check out TCOYD.org. Take Control Of Your Diabetes is what TCOYD stands for. This group is based in San diego, Ca. I believe they are the only group that deals with the psychological aspects of our disease. There are also vidoes and discussions on how this disease affects those closest to us, known as the type 3s. A lot of us experience the frustration of doing everything we can to manage this disease, trying to do everything right and still having things go wrong. We all have our good days and not so good days with our BGs, etc. It is just difficult when there are so many factors that affect our blood sugars but I think it helps to realize you are not isolated with this. You are not the only one who has been made to feel this way due to everything you have to go through.
Take care,
Sarah

5

I’m not alone!!! As supportive as my husband tries to be with this new part of our lives he has trouble understanding how out of control of my life I feel. He’s also very confused with the constant emotional rollercoaster I’m on right now. I’m hoping the ups are going to take over soon. I’m going to check out TCOYD.

6

I want to be able to share with you that I did make it through to the other side, and the sun is shining and the birds are singing, but the same thoughts you have are in my head. I am no longer in control of my life, except that I am living. I have a dh, a PCP, a therp, a psychiatrist, a nurse, a CDE, and a miriad of friends and family who control various parts of my life.
But to me the medical part is the hardest to deal with…if I don’t take meds most of those people know the minute they see me, if I put an ice cream cone in my mouth, chances are they will see it or know it.
I will say, that I do try to do my best, so that I do feel that I am in control…I do take my meds, I do eat the right number of carbs, my weight does go down and even then I am happy. I decided a long time ago, that this and many other things was NOT going to be my legacy in life. I don’t want my headstone to say"She was a good diabetic" I want it to say something more personal…“She was a great woman”. I write a lot, my positive, my negative feelings, and then a day later I read what I wrote, it will be quite a journal for my children’s children to read, they’ll the g grandma was NUTS! But they will know that I was a tough old broad too. I’ve heard of diabetic vacations where you take ONE day or maybe ONE hour, and don’t think about it, give yourself a break and have a favorite pre-d food and don’t even think about carbs, etc. Don’t exercise that day unless you like to …do what you want…when you want…how you want for that day. Don’t abuse this vacation thing, but give yourself a break to just be…remember you are NOT diabetes, you have it, it doesn’t have you…No you can’t get away from it, but you don’t have to think about it 24/7…you can give yourself a break to just be.