So I’m watching a show called extreme makeover. And this girl is twenty an overweight and she’s trying to lose it. She feels ugly and worthless. And I got to thinking. I’m not overweight, in fact my endo said other than having T1 that I’m as healthy as can be. But I don’t feel pretty. Now that I’m in the 120’s I like being small. But I don’t think I’ll feel pretty till I’m 110 or so. I mean I cry myself to sleep every night. Not cause I’m sad I have T1, but because I don’t feel pretty. I look at baby Hadley and she’s gorgeous. Michael and Chase are handsome. I just feel huge and ugly… Didn’t realize it til I watched this show…
Hmmm, interesting question. MrsAcidRock was going through stuff in the computer room nd found some pre-weight loss pics of me, bursting an XXL sweater at the seams. That was a lot more than 10 lbs. I liked the idea in your other post about trying to have fun. I perceived your interest in becoming a "flyer" but am not sure if it's totally worth it to worry a lot about 10 lbs? I go +/- 10 lbs all the time but recently got google sky maps and noticed that when the moon is below me, like on the other side of the planet, I go up 5 lbs. I dunno if it's the gravity but it works for me. There's lot of stuff out there. I don't think that you should worry about whether or not you are "pretty" as much as you should worry about doing things that are fun, like you said in your other post. I am pretty certain that's actually a good way to true beauty, as in Siddhartha
I'm 5'5 and weigh 110. I think I look too skinny, I wish I could gain 10 pounds, but I can't gain weight no matter how hard I try. But, I don't have an esteem issue about it.
I looked at your picture and I thought, OMG, she is soooo pretty! Having a distorted view of yourself can be a dangerous thing. You are not huge or ugly, and even if you were huge, and say had 20 huge warts on your face you WOULD NOT be ugly!
I see you are you young, a teen? I hope you're just feeling normal teen insecurities.
Sweetheart, you are amazing, and beautiful, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
I was just reading your post and I know you are beautiful on the inside and on the outside as well. Remember true beauty comes from the heart.
Here are a few things that I didn't know at your age but I know now that I'm twice your age:
- Pretty much everyone feels like they're ugly when they are 16. At16, we are awkward and our bodies are completely out of whack and it's just a generally miserable existence. I always felt that way when I was a teenager. I felt fat when I wasn't. I was convinced I looked horrible and while I am pretty sure I actually DID look awkward, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was at the time. But then something happens - you get to about 19 or 20, and all of sudden, you're not awkward anymore!! Your perspective on life changes and your body stops looking so weird (or maybe you just realize that everyone around you looks just as weird as you do).
- Weight has NOTHING to do with beauty. I am not overweight and I am pretty sure that at 120 or even 130, you're not overweight either. STOP looking at the scale and instead look at other truer indicators of health. Look at how you feel in your clothes, how you feel when you exercise, how you feel when you climb a flight of stairs. Health and beauty is not about the numbers on a scale but about these other things instead. It took me a long time to realize that. But it's even more important when you have T1D because it's these other indicators that could go a long way to helping you live a long and healthy life. (also, keep in mind that when you exercise and build muscle, you can actually GAIN weight. In this case, it's a good thing because the muscle burns more calories).
Please remember that society gives women especially a very warped idea of what "beauty" is. A woman is supposed to have some fat! It's that fat that enables us to stay healthy and bear children. The trick is to not go to either extreme and to find the state in which your own body is its healthiest. There is nothing wrong with eating healthy foods and exercising, but focusing on the numbers on the scale will just drive you crazy. I personally never weigh myself unless I'm at the doctor's office. It's just not relevant to me. What is relevant is how I feel - how my clothes fit, how I feel when I run, my strength and endurance. Those are the things we should all be focusing on.
I look at your picture and see a pretty young lady. I'm an old coot but I remember that high school cheerleader are some of the prettiest. Like MyBustedPancreas said nature gives women more fat for a reason. Another reason is because it's that little extra amount that gives them those beautiful curves that drive men crazy and I'm sure you are driving the young men crazy at your school. The best part is that the teen years will be over soon and you will soon realize just how beautiful you are.