What I wish I said

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1

This is what I wish I said to a couple of my new co-workers:

“Listen, I know that I fit your perception of a person you think you should be able to abuse with with impunity: I’m female, I’m over 50, I’m morbidly obese, I’m new here and I’m just a contractor, not a regular employee. I get it. It’s like I’m the quintessential target, provided just for you and your unhealed rage. But surprise, I’m not your whipping girl. Really. I’m not. You’re going to have to go take that anger out on someone else because I am not going to put up with it. Period. End of Story.”

Instead, I stood up to them as best I could without escalating – and without ever saying what I really wanted to say – then I went and had a closed-door meeting with our supervisor and told her, “I don’t know what’s going on with these guys but they were dumping on me pretty hard today and I have no idea why. Billy-Bob seemed very upset that you approved my request for a second monitor, which I don’t really understand – all the other software engineers have a second monitor, but it seemed to really upset him that you authorized one for me. He was demanding that I explain why I need one and accusing me of wanting him to drop everything to order it, when I told him several times that I’m fine with waiting for it. He was accusing me of things I never said. I don’t know why he was so incensed.”

She’s been a manager in IT long enough that this can’t be the first time she’s encountered scapegoating behavior. At least now she knows that Billy-Bob singled me out for abuse over something as silly as providing me with the same equipment that ALL the men in my job title have, including the new contractors, some of whom started after I did.

Me? I’m just fighting to focus my attention on the people who have been kind and respectful, to do my work to the very best of my ability, and to ignore the heck out of the troglodytes. It’s so…so…so…stressful. So frustrating and unfair.

The unfairness of their behavior upsets me, but what can I do? I have to work and I’ll be rowing a boat in hell before I allow infantile people to keep me from earning my paycheck. Meanwhile, I’m struggling to keep my head above water with the diabetes, I can’t sleep, I’m in chronic pain. Sigh…

2

Isn’t life tough! You finally get over one hump and that hump grows in to a second one. All I can say is do the job the best you can and let the chips fall where they might. If they are harrassing you respond. Otherwise I would ignore these folks. I hope your supervisor can see what is going on and will help you out with it.
You have to let these things go. It adds stress which messes with everything else (namely blood sugars) which only adds more stress. Remind yourself how happy it made you to be gainfully employed. Life is too short for people like this. Live yours happy and hopefully it will rub off on these others.
Wishing you luck and sending you some calm happy vibes :slight_smile:

3

Thanks, MossDog. I felt like I was having a stroke earlier (nauseated, pounding headache, shaking) but I’m OK now that they’re far, far away.

Why can’t people just be kind?

I’ll never understand bullies…never in a thousand years…

4

You said it to us. Hope that helps you feel better. I’m impressed with your ability act with grace with that boor, Billy-Bob. He seems to be looking for a fight. Don’t give it to him. I hope your supervisor remains supportive. Keep on keeping on and let Billy-Bob flame out.

5

Good for you going straight to the supervisor. Pettiness & meanness–I don’t get it either.

6

I am glad you had the dignity to stand quietly and then go to the supervisor. I wish I had the same self control or someone to go to when this kind of thing happens to me! I got a bit frustrated with getting conflicting orders from a couple in church last night and threw my hands up and told them that I did not want to do anything (my blood sugars were really high - in the late 20s mmol) and the wife shouted and screamed at me about not putting up with my “ways” and that I should learn to control myself!