Today I realized I get very scared about lows, not waking up, acting crazy at work, being needy and dependent on family members, and losing my job and family members. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been testing my BG’s enough! I don’t want to face reality.
Yeah, it's a shocker, isn't it? I get scared by all the same things as you, but my biggest fear is the feeling of absolute loss of control. I can try damn hard to keep my blood sugar in line, exercise, eat the right food, etc, but I don't know if I will ever have the security of control that I had before.
I also work as a nanny, and I am always scared of messing up with the kids that I work with. I tend to let my sugar run a little higher when I am working, because I am petrified of being too low with them.
But girl, you gotta check your blood sugar! This is your reality now, it's not going anywhere!
To be honest, I don't worry about any of those things. I had a scary low when I first started insulin (due to my own lack of knowledge). I live alone and I was unconscious, but my liver kicked in and I came to and was able to treat. For awhile after that I was scared of insulin. But I learned more and knowledge is power and as I got to know how to manage my diabetes, the fear went away. I haven't had a low I couldn't handle in the 2 years since.
The only thing that scares me is not being able to get my supplies. I'm retired so it would take my county going bankrupt or a major disaster so it isn't real likely, and I don't think about it much.
I do have less responsibilities and freedom that if I'm low I just can wait to go anywhere or drive until I'm ok.
One of the good things about being in your 60s (mostly it sucks..lol) is knowing that you will be ok, because you have so many times before.
My biggest fear is going low when I have clients with me. I work with developmentally disabled adults and, at times, they can be difficult to handle. I wouldn't want to loose control due to a low during the times when I have them in my care. I sometimes worry that they will pull out an infusion set, but so far, nothing like that has happened.
Not checking usually means you are running high. I agree, lows are not something to look forward to. More recently it has become a much bigger concern for me because I do not really feel them. However, running high has it's own nasty set of side effects- sure, mostly long term but I don't think that road is the one to travel either. In the end it will be MUCH more stressful for your family, you will miss more work etc by letting them remain high. Test. No one says you need to treat so aggressively to cause lots of lows but if you don't test you can't treat at all :-(
Lows are probably my biggest concern at this point. I have always been able to handle them but there is always a first right? My control hasn't suffered too terribly by my fear but.....
In the immediate term - I definitely fear going low at work, and that's why I always run a little higher on the days I'm in the office. I'm pretty hypo-aware so am generally able to treat before things get too bad, but there have been a few that have snuck up on me. I also fear dying in my sleep.
In the long term - I fear being dependent on others, being unable to see or do the things that I love to do...I know that, to some extent, good control can help delay those complications, but I've met too many T1s who developed complications despite having good control, so I know it's not all about control. That really scares me.
Uh, isn't your country a bit in the hole Zoe? http://www.usdebtclock.org/
Although I agree that insurance/ supply issues are my main concerns. Like now, here we are in February and I'm still waiting for the first load of test strips for the year, about 4-5 weeks after I started calling about them. WTF?
I can loan you some of my freestyle lite, if you use that type, just got my first load of the year.
All of it and none of it - like that makes sense, right? About as much as Diabetes does sometimes, I guess :)
I get scared about all of the same things you have listed...especially since I am a (stay-at-home) mom now. I try really hard to keep it all in line, but sometimes you can't predict what's going to happen...and not every low is the same (nor every high) and I think that that may scare me most...that and stress...you cannot adjust dosage/correct for stress...recently though because my sugars have been running high (due to stress) my heart muscles have been having seizures and I had chest pains last week that they initially worried may have been a mild heart attack (I had one at 19 when I went DKA)...so THAT was VERY scary, and a different kind of scary especially with a little one at home.
I don't worry about today, because I follow my diabetes pretty closely and can pretty much correct whatever goes wrong. I worry long-term.
I fear not being able to be a good father for my kids as they grow up. I'm 37 and just had my second child a few months ago. That means, in all likeliness, he'll graduate college when I'm 58 and get married when I'm in my 60s or 70s. Who knows if I'll ever see my grandkids, and if I do, if I can play with them.
I also worry about retirement -- how much extra money I should be putting in my 401(k) and other retirement funds so that I can afford to continue taking care of myself when I have no insurance or income at all. I'd love to think that I'll be cured by then, but I can't take that chance.
I share all the same fears and worries. Honestly the fear of lows is what keeps me checking my bg constantly. If you fear lows, the only way to know where you are is to test, right?
I am especially fearful of lows right now because I've had unexplained severe drops in bg at night...from 40 to 140 points. Thank God for my Dexcom. I've had to run high at night for the last month while testing how much of a drop I get as the dosage is lowered. I hate running high so often but the alternative with a significant drop at night is that I might not wake up the next morning to continue the fight.
Because significant drop in nightime basal needs bring to mind kidney issues, I had to do updated labs to check kidney and liver function. Thankfully everything was fine. But that 12 hours I had to wait overnight to go to the lab, all I could think of was dialysis and transplants and what if I can't work. Add to this major stress as my husband is unemployed at the moment (and our health insurance is with my employer).
I also pray frequently that I live to see and hold grandchildren and am healthy enough to know them and enjoy them.
My bigest fear with diabetes is loss of kidney fuction and having to go on dylisis. My exfather in law had to do that 30 years ago and although I know it's not as bad as itwas then it still scares me alot. I hoope I never have to go through even 1/2 of what he did
ok dialysis. Sorry for the miss spell there.
Oh, that is a truly grim link, AR!
I'm actually a bit more worried about my county which I call a "third world county" as they are one of the poorest in California. There are county designations from urban to rural. Mine is one step beyond rural to frontier which is pretty funny, but not so funny if they declare bankruptcy.
knowing that you will be ok, because you have so many times before.:that is my philosophy , too, Zoe. I am 3 years shy of 60, but 43 years in with the "D", so I have the experience of knowing that "This too, shall pass"
You will get to that point, too, LAB.
I really hasve no fears, per se, about diabetes..I am pretty sure that my single "complication", ( mild-moderate nerve pain and tingles in my feet, legs and back) will continue to abate due to my faith in God,.tighter control , regular exercise, and alpha- lipoic acid capsules. All have worked before and will continue to work.
You said, "Because significant drop in nightime basal needs bring to mind kidney issues, I had to do updated labs to check kidney and liver function."
I didn't know this about night time basal changes. What does this mean exactly? (my basals are variable at night too) - Also, when you speak of labs is it the standard blood panel or special labs for kidney function?
For me it's the end game. I don't fear dying, but I totally fear slowly rotting... Bankrupting my family, exhausting loved ones etc.
My two big ones are:
1. Severe lows. Especially having a severe low at work (I teach kids with disabilities) or overnight. Like others, I tend to run a bit high during times I'm teaching because I've had times where I've dropped extremely suddenly with no warning. I've also had several severe lows as a kid/teenager, one of which was that I did not wake up one morning, and I think these traumatized me, even though they were back in the R and NPH days.
2. Complications. I actually tend to steer clear of the forums/posts where people go on and on about how anything above 7.8 mmol/L damages your cells and so on. I might find that stuff motivating if I could actually maintain those kinds of numbers, but otherwise it's just scary. I would like to retire and be able to enjoy my retirement, but by the time I'm 60 I'll have had diabetes for 51 years, and I only hope I still have no complications.
It's not like I go around worrying about these things all the time, but they definitely stay in the back of my subconscious a lot of the time.
Great discussion! I share and relate to most the the issues mentioned, but I'll add a fear of mine that can really ruin my day. I'm afraid of something unexpected coming up right after I take my mealtime insulin that requires me act and postpone eating. Little things come up like someone dropping in or needing help on the spot.
My most way out experience with this was one week when we kept trying to outsmart a herd of cattle that was breaking thru our fence invading our property. (You have never seen a mess if you haven't awakened to a herd of cattle in your yard!) I was alone and had just injected humalog for my lunch when I saw them coming down the cliff a half mile away. I couldn't let them descend and instead of eating I filled my back pack with cans of grape juice and took off running. I ran them a mile down the valley drinking can after can of juice on the fly!
Remembering that makes an unscheduled repairman seem like nothing! Truly I'm scared of insulin.