My niece, who is 18 and just moved thousands of miles away to Atlanta for college, and who is like a daughter to me, found out she has Type 1 diabetes Sept. 7. It took me 7 hours of calming down before I could call her…and then my boyfriend had to playfully grab the phone from me when he saw me tearing up. He cracked jokes to her while I pulled myself together.
She is finally released from the hospital and is planning on resuming school. Family dynamics are a little funky since some think she should take the semester off and get a grip on the changes, while others think she should stay in school. I think it's her choice and have no idea what's right for her.
All I do know is that I love her more than anything and want to be there for her through this. How can I help? What can I do? I feel lost and helpless. My boyfriend says she will need normalcy from me and us so she can garner the strength from what she knows since the rest of her world is upside down.
All I want to do is make it better. Any words of advice?
In addition, I'm struggling everyday to focus on my own life. It's all consuming and I feel like my spirit is broken. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel like God really sucks.
But I also feel like it's not about me; it's about her. And I feel guilty for being concerned for myself.
How lucky she is to have you. Mostly, I just liked it when my parents listened. Also, my mom totally changed the way she cooked after I was diagnosed, and always made sure that everyone got the same thing, so there wasn;t a bunch of food around to “tempt me” that I really didn’t want to eat. They made it a point to learn more about diabetes. They never ask me what my blood sugar is but offer heaps of support when I share a good number with them. They always have some type of sugar on them when they are with me in case I have a low (I am prepared myself, but it is nice to know they have my back). They offered to help pay for things I needed for my D. And they NEVER ask “should you eat that?” My mom got both me and herself a subscription to diabetes forecast (magazine) and I learned a lot. Offer the belief that she can manage this and will have al the things in life she wants.
It will get easier, for both of you, with time.The beginning is very hard and all consuming.
Hope,
Thank you . You live up to your name. Your words helped so much. It sounds like your parents really empowered you and that’s what I want to do for her. I keep saying, “I want to empower her, not over power her.”
And I am so lucky to have her too. She continues to change my life for the better. I would love her just because she’s my niece, but I love her for her…because she’s an absolutely amazing person. So sweet and caring and wants to do good in the world. That’s part of the reason I’m feeling so angry…because she’s one of the good ones, ya know. But I’m learning that life doesn’t work like that. :>/
My daughter telling me the day I got out of the hospital “Don’t get sick again Daddy I missed you” and “I love you daddy”. The news also was not life shattering to me, more of an oh crap thing, but that came with growing up with a type 1 mother.
Paying for things big big help. My mother is type one and her Doctor lets her well over supply. My parents laundry room is like a med depot. I was given close to a years supply of test strips, novolog, lancets and syringes. I have to watch the exp date on the stripe and insulin but it has been a major help.
Your boyfriend is a smart guy! Outwardly, she needs normalcy more than anything else. It is a life-changing event, but it won’t seem so sad for very long. Most of us don’t even remember what it was like to not be D so we have no idea exactly how our lives are different.
I’ll also ditto that there is a line between interest and nosiness. Asking what her bg was or what she should/shouldn’t be eating is nosy. But expressing interest in what her daily routine is like or what the different insulins do is thoughtful. Telling her to look into the pump is nosy, but asking her what she thinks about the pump is nice. Learning what you can, both from her and from other places, is a great way to show that you care. To this day, I still like it when someone is informed and seems interested in what my life is like. Too many people go to one extreme or the other – thinking that we are helpless or thinking that it’s just no big deal – but it’s really somewhere in the middle. D is a pretty big deal, and it is a lot of work, but nothing that makes us unwhole.
I also agree that you’re a great aunt! Family is so important in this!!!
I am sorry she got this and while being so far from home it sucks you are right there but you can totally be there for her by listening to her it might not seem like alot but it works wonders my parents and friends and other family do not judge my diabetes care or hassle me about it instead they listen when I was to complain or the will email me topic on type 1 they found intresting. They always told me I could be strong through this and gave me the encouragement to step up to the plate and keep my diabetes under control. They always make sure that I am not labeled and that diabetes does not run my life but yet the complete opposite I just happen to fit it into my lifestyle. They never tell me “you can’t do that or this”
You said she is in atlanta?I am too I go to college about 30 mins from there and work there too. did she find good docs? a good hospital? Gosh not grady I hope. I have a list of resources in the area for you if you want to pass them along to her like the best Endos that listen and work with you on your diabetes they don’t judge. um anything diabetes related and atl I got the info lol
Wow. Thank you. She is at Oxford College and was sent to Egleston - we understand that’s supposed to be a great hospital. I would much appreciate your list of resources! If you need my email, let me know. I’m still a little lost in the maneuvering around the website! Thank you thank you thank you!
Your words offer so much wise advice. Pointing out the differences between what seems nosy or what is nice or thoughtful was very helpful. I really appreciate that you took the time to enter into this discussion. I’m learning so much!
KimmyS, what a wonderful and caring auntie you are; we should all be so lucky!
I could only reiterate what’s been stated thus far with an additional suggestion – when she is ready, encourage your niece to join TuDiabetes. There are a number of groups that could be helpful to her: Diabetes and Women; Diagnosed in our 20s; College Students with Diabetes…
Although normalcy is great she probably is feeling anything but. The greatest thing about TuD is its 24/7 availability and the fact that someone’s always on, even in the “wee hours.” If your niece is a techno wiz like others her age, she may find it comforting to have TuD available on her iPhone/Droid!
Wish her good luck from all of us – and from me personally, thanks for being a supporter!
No problem I went to egleston as well when I was dx’ed and all the way up till I was 21 then found the best endos shoot me your email and I will send you the list of everything I have
I also found another website just for type 1’s of all ages!!! Juvenation.com My family wasn’t so good as they are type 2’s. Kept telling me I should work hard to get off insulin!! LOL
I’m extremely sorry to hear this. I know that your niece is going through so much right now, and at the same time I know that this takes a huge toll on the family who wishes they could make everything better. I was diagnosed about a year ago after I had just gotten out of college and moved somewhere farther away for a new job. Although my situation was not exactly the same as your niece’s I thought hard about what was most beneficial to me at the time.
I’ll be honest. It took me about half a year to get back more to my self. I was always a very happy, positive person and learning to live with diabetes was the first thing in my life that really ever caused me to be depressed. I hated to let people around me see me down. I wanted to be as positive and upbeat about things as possible. But, everyone needs someone to go to when they’re really feeling down about things.
My mom had a really rough time being away from me while I was going through this. What helped me most from her was being able to call her at any time and be completely honest about how I was feeling about everything. I just needed someone to listen and not get tired of me being down. We would talk about how I was feeling and also about how things must get better once you’ve gotten into the swing of things (which they definitely did!). I think just having you there as a non-judging source of support is probably one of the best things you can do for your niece at this moment.
As a helpful little tid-bit, one little thing you could possibly do for her now is send her a cheerful little pouch to keep her insulin supplies in. I was so tired of the boring and depressing black, medical-looking cases that I kept my stuff in at the beginning. I went out and got a cute cheerful zippered pouch from Vera Bradley so that at least my diabetic supplies would be cute. Sometimes it’s the little things.
I wish your niece, you, and the rest of your family all the strength possible in coping with this. Now is a really rough time, but I promise it will get better. She’s so lucky to have loving family like you!
What a caring and thoughtful post. Your openness really touched me. I love the idea about sending her a cheerful pouch to keep her insulin supplies in. What size should it be? Since she’s in Atlanta and I’m in L.A…I have no idea!
If you go to this link, I use the medium cosmetic bag to put all of my stuff in. I can fit my insulin pens, lancets, needles, alcohol wipes, blood glucose meter, and old vitamin container for used lancets and needles all in this bag. I also have the little coin purse that I put in this bag to store my lancets and needles. I like to keep everything in one place for day to day use.
I’m assuming she’ll probably have similar supplies since she was so recently diagnosed. Even if this bag isn’t as convenient for her as it is for me, it’s a thoughtful “care package” and can always be used for make-up or something else.
