This October is my 15th year anniversary of being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at just 8 years old. Back then, it didn’t really quite phase me… I struggled with denial through my teenage years but I overcame it. Today, at 23 years old, after achieving a couple of years of “below 7” A1Cs and never suffering from any complications (knock on wood)… I am struggling.
I am struggling with the fact that this “disease” will last forever. The fact that my hard work doesn’t have an end to it. The fact that I have to accept failure if a number is not what I want it to be. I wish I didn’t have to think about what I eat, how much I eat, when I eat, and where I eat…I wish I didn’t have to think about my site bothering me, about whether the next insertion of a site will hurt or not, or if my insulin resevoir is running low… I wish I didn’t have to check my sugar 8 - 10 times a day (secret to keeping a low A1C). I wish I didn’t have to listen to people giving me “advice” on Type 1 Diabetes. Or confusing it with Type 2. Or “that’s the bad one right?” questions.
I thought I had gotten over the denial phase but I feel like these past few days of October…I’ve just been BLUE. I don’t want to know anything about diabetes. I don’t want to work for it. I don’t want to work on it. I don’t want to have it.
Has anybody else that’s had the disease for this long or longer ever feel this way? How do you just switch off the Blues and get back to your normal routine?