I feel bad that I have been gone so long. My pregnancy was very tough. Very tough. I was in the hospital for appointments between my OBGYN and my Endocrinologist 3 days a week. At 7 months, I spent four days in the hospital because of high stress and trouble controlling my sugars. I became painfully brittle and was put on bed rest at 23 weeks. I was taking a 2:1 insulin ratio and split dosing my Lantus (which I am doing again).
I was just released from hospital a few days ago. Acute DKA- I had an undiagnosed ear infection. It’s been 5 years since the last time that happened. We’ve had a rough go. We’ve had a very rough go. I was so proud of myself. I gained so much control over my diabetes for the first time in my life, I felt like I owned it, not the other way around. I’m still working on that. I’m feeling pretty good right now, physically. Lows though. Lots and lots of lows since coming home.
Anyhow, concerning my pregnancy, at 34 weeks, I couldn’t explain it, but I told my OBGYN to induce me. The baby needed to come out. I’d been plagued by borderline blood pressure for 10 weeks and bad swelling from my thighs down. I was exhausted and polyhydramnios (so, huge). Honestly, I couldn’t explain it, I just had the overwhelming feeling that it was time. I was right. Only a few days later I started getting sick. I just felt so tired. I could barely stand. Crossing the street from one appointment to the next was exhausting. The following day, I realized I hadn’t felt the baby much. It had stopped moving inside me. I was trying not to panic. I started throwing up, a lot. Sickness hadn’t been much an issue in my pregnancy so late term sickness was unusual. I mentioned it to my doctors several times over the course of the three days before my Son was born. I was ignored. I was placated. I am still angry.
Sometimes, you know. You know when it is time. You know when something is wrong. When will I learn not to be quiet when my instincts tell me something?
I was called back in for a last minute NST, because the baby hadn’t moved all day. I mentioned it during my first NST, and even spent several hours under observation. They told me to go home. Well, when I got there, they prepped the OR and I had an emergency c-section.
My Son was still-born, with no heartbeat, at 4:12am on April 7th. I had preeclampsia. I had mentioned the symptoms countless times, logged and provided blood pressure stats and photos of the swelling, I was measuring weeks overdue at 5 weeks premature. I was ignored. How did this even happen? My Son was revived (Thank God). He had multi-system organ failure, lactic acidosis and subcutaneous fat necrosis at birth. He nearly died. We spent 51 days in the NICU at 5 separate hospitals after his birth. We did not bring him home until he was 2 months and 3 weeks old.
My son is finally out of the woods. At any time, he could have died. He had a bleed in his occipital lobe at 10 days. He had hypercalcemia. We’ve been seeing doctors every week for months. Last week we finally got the A-Ok that we can stop going to the pediatrician every week and that he can be safely taken off of his medication. We are finally, finally home free.
Every day I look at him and I thank God. I thank God that he is alive. I thank God that having him did not kill me. Thinking back to the day he was born still breaks me. That I had to hear he may not live through the day.
My diabetes is still out of whack after having him. It became very hard to control, and then my hair started falling out. I couldn’t sleep and then I would sleep for ridiculous amounts of time. I ended up extremely sick with pneumonia and then DKA. I’m really trying to fight back. My Son did. I owe him my life.
I recently found out that my Dad is buying me an insulin pump as well. He wants to know what one to get me, but I don’t know much about them. I am interested in the Omnipod 2. Is it out yet? Is the omnipod available here in BC? Is it expensive to maintain? There are a lot of benefits to not having tubing, and not having to remove it to shower, swim or bathe. I am on Lantus and Humalog. Is it compatible with my needs? Is there anyone who can advise me here? I really need something easy to use. One of my major challenges with diabetes has been that I have severe discalculia. Numbers confuse and frustrate me, and it is work for me to remember how to calculate for different things. I use an insulin calculator to help me dose.
Anyhow. This is everything on my mind tonight. Thanks for taking the time to read.