I haven’t written in a long time so I thought I would chronicle some of my feelings these last few months. I am 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant. It has been one long roller coaster. I am happy to report my baby girl is healthy and growing at a normal rate ( I thank God for that). Although, baby is doing well that doesn’t mean it’s been an easy road. I’ve had highs in the 300s and lows in the 20s(Those days were crying days). I would cry and say to my husband, “I’m sorry this may not happen. I might disappoint you, I might not be able to give you a baby”. My husband has been great! supportive and funny, just what I need. He lives in a world where everything works out (I haven’t known that world for 14 years). He calms me down and rubs my back when he sees me getting discouraged. He hangs up shelves and pictures when I’m nesting and rarely complains. He gave me lip once and quickly realized what a mistake that was. You don’t mess with with a pregnant diabetic I look back at my first trimester and think of all the emotions I experienced. Fear, happiness, sadness, confusion the emotions were endless. Blood sugar highs in the upper 300s for hours on end followed by record breaking lows. The highlight was when my Bg was 26 and my husband handed me a banana I was so confused that I threw the banana at the back of his head ( we laugh about that now). Lots of crying I didn’t know I could cry so much. I don’t think my husband knew either. Small milestone after milestone being met, yes! I’m 8weeks, now 15, now 21… I’m actually doing this. Constant finger pricks averaging 15 times per day. Setting temp basals to get me out of the high Bg mess. OB appointments every two weeks now every week twice a week. Scary test lots and lots of prayer. Moments of shear irritation explaining to nurses that I don’t have to take the glucose test because I’m already diabetic but who told you were diabetic? Ugh… Sigh… Diana try not to scream, pull it together. Sometimes explaining type 1 diabetes is so exhausting. No, I’m not a bad diabetic because I’m on a pump…love being judged. My favorite OB telling me I’m her favorite patient and I’m doing a great job followed by some new OB who looks like she’s younger than me telling me I need better control. Scaring the crap out of me and making me feel like the worst mommy to-be Ever! Needless to say, I hope she doesn’t deliver my baby because I might accidentally kick her in the face. Yes, I know that’s horrible to think but somehow I feel better. Hmm… I’m a bad diabetic but baby’s BPP score is 8/8 that’s weird I must be doing something right. Prayer is what I’m doing right, I’ve never prayed so much in my life. This is one longer roller coaster and I can’t wait to get off. I’m about to get on a new roller coaster, wish me luck!