Ok so my husband was diganosised two weeks ago and the hole time I have been doing everything for him in regards to testing and giving shots. But last night he tested his self and has done it his self all day to day. I have been waiting for him to take charge and start doing things on his own and I am so proud of him for doing and happy.
So why do I feel a little sad now that I don’t need to do it and I feel like he doesn’t need me any more. I think maybe with me haveing to do everything that we were completly together in this and now I don’t maybe I just feel not as important to him any more.
Have any of you felt this way after your partner started to figure all this stuff out for them selfs.
I think what you are feeling (“a little sad now that I don’t need to do it and I feel like he doesn’t need me any more”) is perfectly normal. I think this likely stems from the place in your heart where the love and true empathy you feel for your husband lies. (I know this is how I feel towards my teenage daughter who has had Type 1 diabetes for over two years.) It hurts to see a loved one have to deal with diabetes, and it is a helpless feeling to realize that nothing you can do will make it go away for them. It’s both a relief and a unique kind of sadness when they take on more of their D-care and you hand over that responsibility. You are proud of them, but you feel less useful in your efforts to lessen their burden…
“He doesn’t need me anymore.” Oh boy. Can’t let that one slide by.
I am a Type 2 who works hard at managing his diabetes. I have become what we call a “patient expert”, learning everything I can about my disease and how to control it effectively. I’m pretty self-sufficient when it comes to the diabetes. I am proactive and aggressive in my approach to it. My wife is understanding, accepting, and supporting of what I need to do, but she doesn’t do any of it herself—I basically do it all.
And with all that being true, I need her more than I ever have. Her emotional support helps make it possible for me to do all that stuff. Just because she isn’t standing there holding the test strip or the syringe or whatever in her hand, that doesn’t mean her presence isn’t essential to my success. It’s not possible to adequately describe how much that means—it means everything.
He’ll always need you, whether or not he can say so at any one moment. Trust one who knows.
Thank you that is just what I feel I kind of put him in the same space as my kid and now he doesn’t need me as much and as much as I want him to not need me and to do things for him self I do feel a little helpless. becuase when I was testing for him I was doing the one thing I can do wheil he goes threw this other then that I’m really in the dark with all the diabetes stuff and I know that it is fusterating for me but that can’t compare to what he has to be going threw.
I’m a nurse, retired but still in charge of all things diabetic in my life! I am Type 2, on an insulin pump and have a continuous glucose monitor (CGM) because I can’t tell when my sugar drops too low–no hunger, no “shakes”–in fact, I get nauseous and don’t want to eat! Scary! I keep my CGM under my pillow at night so I can hear the alarm but sometimes sleep thru it. Fortunately my wife is there to wake me up! She also reminds me to bring sweets/snacks along when we travel and meal times are disrupted. It is good to have a sidekick on this adventure!
Speaking from several perspectives here. I am mom to a T1, wife of a T2, & also T2 myself. You could not be more wrong in thinking he doesn’t need you. The day to day duties of testing, meds etc are only half the battle. The emotional support, encouragement & even just being there to listen are every bit as important. You are absolutely still needed.
May I share something with you from a diabetes educator’s perspective???
A diabetes educator worth their salt will deliver education from the perspective of the person. S/he will listen for clues that the person with diabetes has what we call “interpersonal” support. It is so encouraging to us when we learn that the person with diabetes has a network of family and friends to help them successfully manage their diabetes as diabetes can be taxing mentally and physically to the person who has been diagnosed with it.
In the realm of diabetes education, we call it "delivery of diabetes education from a biopsychosocial perspective. (bio meaning = biology, psycho = psychology and social = family, friends and overall environment.
Please know the part you play in keeping your husband healthy is quite important.
