So I think this is my first post. I have been a member of tudiabetes for over 6 years and during that time I have been less than a role model for diabetics. My wife and I have recently decided that we wanted to have a family. This is over 10 years of us saying no to kids because our lives seemed so much more important. With success professionally I started to ask why I was working so hard to make money if ultimately there would be not one other than my wife to share it with. After long discussions we decided to start a family.
Ok, that is the short version of the back story. So I have decided that if I am going to have a family I would like to live to see them. So I went from no diabetes management to lets actually try. With that I thought that I would hit the big ones first... Smoking really is not a good habit to have and I have tried to stop before but with no help. So I decided to get a doctor again (yep went a few years without one) and get my prescriptions filled. With that I requested a prescription for Chantix.
At first I was AMAZED at the results. During week one I went to a bar with a co-worker and while he was smoking away I really didn't care. So I continue down the path with no real side effects. Then we hit week two...
Week two: I start to get agitated with my employee's when I typically would be able to work through the aggravation. I really didn't notice it as I was realizing that their behavior was loosing the company thousands of dollars. So I didn't think much of it... Then we hit week three...
Week three: So it doesn't take much to aggravate me now. My best friend and I went to a convention to do some work. I became so frustrated with him that I blew up on him on the convention floor. I justified my response as I have an obligation to my company to make sure our time is spent well but it was a bit out of character for me. I have worked hard to not have an explosive personality as I grew up with that and it was just unacceptable to me. Then we hit week four...
Week four: So I am just now finishing week four and have some concerns... I am very blessed that my wife is willing to work with me as wee own a small company. That being said I came unglued on her a few days ago... Again I want to point out that my Wife and I are trying to have a child and that I have worked very hard my whole life to not be aggressive as I grew up with that. Now at the time I justified my actions as her behavior was loosing the company customers and money... :( Yep important but... Not what I want to do to my wife. There are better ways...
So at the tail end of week four I am realizing that I have some serious road rage. Almost to the point of me stopping on the road and getting out of my vehicle for a confrontation... Yep was seriously thinking of getting into a fight over someone passing me on the freeway... Forced ahead of them and then slowed down to 20 MPH to taunt them.
Now here is the responsible action I should take... Call my Dr. get off the drugs and think about other methods to quit smoking. Responsible but not sure I want to do it as I am uncomfortable with the potential outcome.
I am afraid if I do that I may not be able to quit. Right now my wife is out of town on some family business and will not be back for a few weeks. I am thinking that maybe I can get this anger thing under-control while I work through my cravings for smoking...
Anyone else out there that is pushing the edge to be healthy and is not sure what the right decision is? I want to be healthy for my family but I really don't want to get arrested for fighting on the street or mess up my family by yelling at my wife... Confused and not sure what I should do... Does the anger pass because I know the chantix is working for me to stop smoking...