Am I the only one who picked up on the part about you not wanting to get married, Ryan? How serious do you expect the relationship to get if you feel that way, and if she is aware of that? There’s no reason for her to know, other than if you’d tell any friend, and it sounds as though you chose not to do that. She’ll not stick around long anyway if there’s no future. I’d bet she’d disagree about you telling her, but I am thinking that is where you are coming from.
I never hide it, I’ve found anyone worth being interested in is just curious about it and honestly will want to know about it. Also, the more people who know I am diabetic, the better chance I have if something go wrong…
Of course, I don’t make it a huge deal. It’s really not, to me any more it’s like having blue eyes or brown hair (well brown and grey… i blame my children), it’s just how it is
of course I’m saying all that from memory… been a long time since I dated… uhh… what was the question again?
/wink
Scott
Perhaps you’re not giving this woman enough credit that she’ll be understanding. If you do tell her, I’d also tell her why you haven’t told her until now. After 7 months, she can sure see that being diabetic hasn’t slowed you down in any way. Maybe it will be a load off your mind to be upfront & not have to hide.
I was married when diagnosed so can’t speak to the diabetic dating scene, but I’ve never hidden it from anyone. My friends, co-workers all know. I don’t feel ashamed & if I have a hypo incident, I want people to know what to do.
Hi Ryan! I am not a diabetic, but my boyfriend that I have been with for a very long time is a type 1 diabetic. My advice to you is to be honest with her. Aside from other things, I think a successful relationship consists of great communication, trust and honesty. My boyfriend and I were friends for a very long time before we started dating. I always knew he was a diabetic, and it didn’t make me think any different of him. When we were friends I always wanted to be there for him, and I guess his diabetes made me fall even more in love with him. What I mean by that is that I had the utmost respect for him because he had been living with this disease since he was 6 years old. You are who you are, and diabetic or not you are a person. If this woman is someone who you are really starting to develop feelings for and that you are very happy with… wouldn’t you want to be able to be yourself in front of her? Plus, if someone is the right one for you then they will love you for who you are no matter what. But with that being said, I know that at first my boyfriend wasn’t too open with me about having diabetes, and I never pushed him to talk about it because I understand that it can be difficult. So yes if you really like her then you should be honest with her, but wait for the right time. Wait until you are completely comfortable, and like someone else said… maybe one day when you are having a really good, deep conversation you can open up to her about it. AND if in the end she gets scared then obviously you deserve better. In the beginning when I didn’t know too much about diabetes it made me a little nervous, but since I loved him for who he was I made a huge effort to educate myself & now I know so much & I support him as best as I can. I wish you the best of luck because you deserve to be happy!
**Sorry if I repeated myself a few times.
i would’ve told them right away. usually they get the hint when you it’s time to eat. Not point in hiding it!
Domo
Ryan: After 7 months, it is time to tell. The two of you must have a pretty close bond, so she should be interested in you for the person you are, rather than the fact that you have diabetes. Besides, she may already know something – unless you hide all of your syringes and insulin bottles and test strips, etc.
I started dating again about a year and a half ago after my marriage ended. There were a few people that could not handle it, but most did not care that much. It may help that I am in my 40s, so the people I have dated were not as interested in a “perfect physical specimen” and are mature enough to realize that we all have our issues – and, if we don’t, we will.
One item to highlight, though – she may not be too thrilled that you have waited 7 months to tell her. Her potentially being upset about that (not to mention your not wanting to marry) may be a bigger issue than the diabetes.
I never got past a second date without telling and, since I did a lot of my dating through internet sites (yes, I admit it), it often came out before the first date in emails. In any event, if she is the right person and she cares about you as much as you seem to about her, she will understand your being diabetic and your reticence about telling her.
Just think how much better you will feel about yourself and her once you have told her. It may be hard, but it is necessary. You may need her help someday, and it is better if she knows now.
I just cannot imagine keeping that a secret from someone I’m close to for 7 months! Even if I didn’t want friends/significant others/etc to know–ahhh, that seems like it would be so much extra work and stress to hide it.
This is like a diabetes soap opera story line. Don’t you know, secrets always find a way out!?
And if it’s not by you, it never turns out very well… XD
Ryan, can you do us all a favor? Let us know what happpens with the above situation. It seems that almost ALL are advising the truth be told … and soon. I wish you all the best in your search for the truth. Even if you don’t intend to marry her … and that’s for the moment! … she deserves to know in case anything happens when you’re out with her.
Either way, let us know how you resolve your problem. We CARE for you either way.
Lois La Rose, Milwaukee, WI
Okay, I’m probably gonna get tomatoes thrown my way, but I do see Ryan’s point. When I go out on a date, I want someone to get to know me for who I am as a person and not judge me by my diabetes. Some people look at you differently when they know you have diabetes, kinda like you are defective and not a “normal” person and that you can’t do normal stuff like regular people. I try not to tell someone on the first date. If there is a second or third date and things seem to be going in the right direction, I’ll fess up. But that is only after they’ve gotten to know me a little bit and know that I’m much more than just a person with an “illness”. I’ve had mixed reactions after telling guys about it. The funniest was a guy that pulled a complete whitey on me after I told him (he turned completely sheet white and got dizzy and almost passed out). I’ve also been looked at with pity after telling another guy, like he was really sorry for me. That sucked! I’ve also had guys that said it didn’t bother them and I never heard from them again. I have a date this Friday and after reading all of these replies, I’m torn whether I should just start being upfront about this right in the beginning. But geez that look of pity is stilled burned into my memory and I don’t want to see that again.
However, if it’s been 7 months, it’s time to tell her Ryan. What if you go low and she doesn’t understand what’s going on and doesn’t know what to do for you? You gotta tell her!
Hi Ericka!
I can actually understand your point because SO many people are undereducated about diabetes. If he thinks that your feet are going to fall off tomorrow, then it’s probably not the best thing to tell him on the first date. But I think that it also depends on HOW you tell them.
When I tell someone who knows very little about diabetes, then I try to give them the 101 version, which includes the explanation that I am a normal person and I usually add that they can feel free to ask questions if they have them (often people think it might be a taboo subject). As they get to know me better, then they will learn more about the reality of life with diabetes. But in order to avoid the sympathy, I try to explain it to them in an upbeat way and tell them that diabetes isn’t what they show in the movies and they should not assume that my diabetes is the same as their great uncle’s.
Hope that you have a good date on Friday!!
Thanks for the advice Kristin. :o)
This sort of thing just breaks my heart. Do people out there really think of a diabetic as defective? If that is true I am never going to find a husband since I not only have diabetes but have cystic fibrosis too. Both are “invisible disabilities” but neither of which I can hide. I have had a lot of men break off relationships with me because they get old data about CF and think I am going to die tomorrow, but no one has ever complained to me about my diabetes.
I wish more people would be “out” there and honest, so there isn’t such a negative stigma. My word! Most of the diabetics I have met are more into preserving their health than most of the “normal” people I have ever met.
Why (and how) do people hide diabetes?
I personally say that if you say you are happy with this person and love being with her you need to be honest. What if you have a Low and pass out in front of her? How will she know how to help you? Also if she feels the same about you (and after 7 mo I would hope she does), then she will be supportive, if she’s not, then she isn’t the right one for you. You shouldn’t have to hide something that is such a big part of your life. I really don’t understand how you could hide it anyway. It all comes down to trust I guess. Sometimes we have to take a chance on other people 
It will be ok.
Pretty much everyone I know knows about my diabetes! I find it easier and even safer that way- if I ever have an emergency, they all know exactly what to do. That’s why it’s so important for you to be up-front with this woman! She clearly cares about you, and finding out about your diabetes isn’t going to scare her off. Most people know someone with diabetes. Chances are that she’s not totally unfamiliar with it.
One thing that helps is to not think of it as a disease- think of it as just a normal part of you. Like, hey, I’m Kathleen. I am tall, I dance, I’m good at Spanish, and I have diabetes. The same way that I have brown hair, or a dog. No biggie.
It’s a good idea to tell her, not just because it’s an important part of your life, but because of safety reasons. Suppose you’re on a date and you faint from a low. She will have no idea what is going on. You need to educate her in case something like that happens!
Bottom line, if you’ve been seeng her for seven months, chances are that something as relatively small as having diabetes isn’t going to scare her off. If it does, then clearly she’s not the right one- it’s hard to keep diabetes a secret if you’re living together and married.
Hi everyone! This is my first post to forums of this kind and this is very interesting topic so I had to join the discussion.
I’m type1 (ever since I was 14yo, I’m 22 now) and I’ve been struggling with the same questions ever since I started dating. I don’t have a lot of experience with telling people about my condition, simply because I always felt more secure not sharing it with random people (potential or early dates). And quite often I would ditch guys I was sure that couldn’t handle my diabetes just so I wouldn’t have to go through “talking about it” process. I’ve been always picky about who I choose to share it with. Only two guys I dated knew about it, and I can tell you the response I got from them was not what I hoped for. It was really hard, but still, I think the other person deserves to know. And yes, better sooner than later when you risk emotions getting involved and all. That’s definitely my advice to all having the same doubts and it’s from very recent, personal experience… And it’s absolutely not possible to keep it a secret forever. Would you really even want to do that?
Best of luck
I was like you at first, I would never tell anyone I had Diabetes, not even my friends sometimes…guess I was just nervous of what they would think. Then I said “the hell with it” and decided that usually within the first week I would tell someone I was dating.
My view is, if they don’t want to date you because you have Diabetes then there is something wrong with them and she is not the right woman for you. Might as well get it over with. I’m guessing that you have enough good things about you to outweigh the possibility of her dropping you because of a disease that you can’t cure.
Good luck. If you have a chance, check out my blog, just getting it started: http://www.walkingwithdiabetes.com
WalkingDiabetic
walking.diabetic@gmail.com
http://www.walkingwithdiabetes.com
You have to tell her now. If she cares for you it won’t matter to her. If she walks away or gives excuses not to see you then she has a problem that she needs to work out. You cannot hide it from people, I did and paid the price. I still feel like I have the plague when it comes to revealing that I am a diabetic. I think my family members still have a problem with it because when I tell them that I have to check my blood or eat before doing something they get frustrated because I am thinking about myself. I was seeing a great guy until he found out I was on the pump, which I was able to hide for a while until we became intimate. His reaction was:“What the hell is that”, after I told him he became very silent and turned his back to me. That was the last time I heard from him.
I don’t date, mainly because of the diabetes (I get low a lot and that makes it hard to socialize); this means I have absolutely no advice.
But I’m gonna open my big mouth (er, use my fingers) anyway. I don’t generally tell anyone I’m diabetic, but they usually figure it out when I pull out a syringe and give myself a shot. I will do this anywhere and everywhere. I think a lot of it is based on your perspective. So long as you don’t treat it as a big deal, other people don’t treat it as a big deal. I mean, it’s not like they’re gonna catch it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had any adult (when I was a kid, one of them was a little freaked out) act like it was a big deal. So, I guess, to Svetlana, I would say, if they happen to find out, they find out. If they don’t, they don’t.
The person you are dating should be told ASAP … I usually do it on the first date or have already told her if we have talked before dating. There is nothing to hide because you can’t hide it forever. There is also a safety issue. What if you are alone with him/her and you get low and need help. Will he/she know what to do or what is wrong with you. I don’t know about anybody else but I have been known to say some pretty nasty things when I am really low.
Additionally, you will eventually spill the beans about the disease, either accidentally or on purpose. What you might get is somebody very upset with you for not “trusting” them.
Hello, I’ve been type one diabetic for about 16 years now. I tell people I’m dating at about the 4th date. I pull out my testing meter at our dinnet table and say “Excuse me, I’m sorry but I have to check my blood sugar before we eat.” The thought of that must sound horrifying to you since you hide it so well! But it works for me because it gives them the opportunity to ask any questions they may have. And 9 out of 10 people know at least the gist about diabetes or have a friend/ relitive with diabetes. It’s a very common disease, type 2 anyway. I dont think your lady is going to flip out or leave you. Think about it… the diabetes doesnt even get in the way of anything you and her do together.
But the longer you wait the more she’ll feel hurt that you couldnt trust her with the information that only privilaged people in your life know. Make her feel special and include her in that circle of trust you’ve created. Make the process of you telling her a casual thing. She’ll probably just think “Oh, okay…point noted” and be ready to carry on the way things have been. Finally, just remember this qoute…" Bad news doesnt turn good over time." If your serious about her, the longer you wait the harder it will be to eventually tell her.