I was very moved by your post, Jean. I've never seen the Terminator movies (bad enough to have the Terminator as governor!) but your description was very powerful. I completely relate to what you are saying, though I try not to think about it too much. I don't think my idealistic 18 year old self would think much of what I've done with my life either, but for me, given the hand I was dealt I've done pretty ok. No houses, but I prefer letting my landlady deal with repairs! No husbands, no children; I regret the first minimally at times, the second not at all. But I did (and do) have a career I've enjoyed and been good at. Since I remember when people didn't think I'd see the end of 1968, I guess that's pretty good. I don't think about going back to 18 (though I'd love to look 18!), because I wouldn't want to experience all that pain again. I've been writing a book about my life for five years that I really need to finish one day soon! It helps.
Wow, your post dragged a bit more of me out than I usually share on this board!
A very wise man once told me that whatever the condition of our lives, there is someone who envies us, whether we choose to believe it or not! I'm sure there is a harried introvert somewhere who thinks that living alone in my little apartment, doing what I like, when I like, would be heaven on earth compared to the messy and noisy demands of their huge and growing family: husband, children, in-laws and grand-kids underfoot every night and day!
I guess the secret is in the aphorism: Happiness isn't getting what you think you want, it's fully appreciating what you already have.
Why wouldn't you test your sugar 10 times/ day? I'd argue that's not enough to actually "fill in the blanks" with enough data to fix your BG levels. If you don't test enough, then it would be impossible for you to testify that all of your travails are diabetes' fault. An expert would make mincemeat out of that suggestion. Not that there's anyone to sue but if say you axemurdered someone and tried to blame it on the D, you would not be able to support that particular contention.
I have to argue w/ Anna Banana and Gary's suggestion "I'd tell the endo to go %$*@ himself if he tells me to test 10x/day". I believe that 12x/ day is pretty much the bare minimum. Although Anna could perhaps opt out of a few by virtue of not driving? I don't actually test before I drive to work most of the time but use some extra strips to fill in the blanks or fix stuff that gets off, which is not *BAD*, it's just extra tests to make sure corrections are ok or the Dulce de Leche Cheerios weren't too carby or whatever. Nothing UNREASONABLE...
1) wake up, test bg 2) before eating test BG
3) before driving to work test bg
4) 2 hours after eating test bg
5) lunch test BG
6) 2 hours post lunch test bg
7) drive home test BG
8) get home, run 3 miles...oh wait, don't forget to test your bg!
9) post-exercise maybe, maybe not, maybe eat dinner and, you guessed it, test BG
10) 2 hours post BG, test BG ****AGAIN****
12) stay up late? Maybe squeeze in another one, what if you have errands to run, what if you want to exercise more (when it's nicer out, I'll run 6-7 miles during the week, more on the weekends...a lot of times, I'll run a long run on Saturday and then a 20ish mile bike ride for fun, speed and recovery on Sunday...there's several extra strips in there...).
I'll test 20 times a day when the non-invasive meters come out! My control is not the problem. How do you explain getting symptoms of extreme high glucose at a fasting reading of 105? No I am not exaggerating. I woke up the other morning with pressure in my hands and head, buzzy, flu like symptoms, complete irritability like I haven't eaten in weeks. I don't need to check my sugar 10 times a day cause I can always feel it. Today again... similar symptoms plus cotton mouth at a 135 BS. Took 2 units and took a while but symptoms eventually subsided. Anyone can say whatever they want that its mental and whatever.. but I have a very unique problem. I am basically getting severe symptoms of high BS at the higher end of normal levels. I had a 58 sugar this afternoon and though I didn't feel perfect I felt way better then at 105. What in gods name can someone do for my situation? I am so sick and tired of dealing with this ■■■■. My only chance is either a cure or its another endocrine problem that somehow is only present when my sugars are over 90.
I don't think there's an endocrinological explanation as the krew here has veterans of thyroid, several types and subtypes of diabetes, hashimotos, depression and other conditions with no other reports of this level of what would likely be described as "subjective complaints" since medical science hasn't duplicated your results in a different experiment?
I did not read through all the posts, but have comment. I have been in the same place--sometimes it is just hard to get over. A few years ago, I got really down--I mean realllllly down. I pulled myself up, did a lot of research and decided I needed help. Found a therapist who deals specificallywith lifelong, uncurable disease, OH! Diabetes! She was fantastic. Can I tell you what happened? Perspective, mostly. Less of a "why am I such a bad D?" Who has control? (ME!) Etc.
I have talked about this in many posts. Was it hard to make this step? YES! At the time I had D for over 45 years (have recently hit the 50 year mark), so, yea, it was hard to admit that I needed this help. But it was really worth it. I highly recommend therapy--but be careful who you see; do your research. It is definately worth the time.
If you don't mind, where are you? I am in the D.C. area, so if you want a referral, please let me know.
Oh, and yes. I test 10 to 12 times per day. It just helps a lot. I was in a meeting today and my CGM buzzed. Said I was 69 (just below my low threshold of 70.) Tested and wa 43. Without testing, well, let's see...sirens, papamedics (OK, if they are cute, but...)
Test. Test. and Test again. Sorry, but it is the real truth.
Soooo... I have this major problem that technically shouldn't be happening yet it is. My dad also has diabetes and unless he gets real low he feels nothing. He could be 120, 160, 250, 300 and can't tell a thing. That makes no sense to me either but my scenario is far more bizarre and far more of a problem because lets face it if I only really feel well between 80 and 90 fasting that is completely unrealistic no matter how many times I would test. I need my own insulin production back the way it was before this nightmare occurred.
Your scenario is unique in the annals of the two message boards I've hung out at. I don't believe that there's anything in the medical literature about it either or someone would have posted links to it in the numerous threads about the situation.
Admittedly, I am by no means scientific but I haven't seen anyone else complain about 90s. Although I'll fret about a post hypo 90 if like 1 test is 75 and 15 minutes later it's 98 I would be concerned I'd overtreated and go walk the dog or something like that? Plus walking the dog is fun, I can do "the dog voice" and get out of my head for 30 seconds while she's talking to me, etc. It's more fidgety for me though and I don't beat myself up or get bummed out about it, even if it shoots up higher. C'est la vie and while tactical solutions are possible, waiting for researchers seems like a futile strategic solution.
Oh you poor thing! We all have miserable days. It's the nature of the beast. It's been a couple of days since you posted this, so I hope you're feeling better now.
What's wrong with taking a "you" day? Lie in bed, cry and feel sorry for yourself. Eventually you'll be out of tears, and probably exhausted from all that self-pity. Then make yourself a cup of tea, maybe draw a hot bath, with your favourite book. Indulge in making yourself feel good. No one else can do it for you. Then, when you're feeling better, you can come up with a plan to improve. Then you'll feel empowered and ready to conquer the world!
So what is the game plan chief? I certainly can't wait around for another ten years for a medical breakthrough If I even make it another ten years. This is a serious problem even more serious then the diabetes itself. IYO should I realistically be able to have an 80 glucose level feeling perfect and grab a few chips shooting me up to 120 and not feel a thing? In my world that is not realistic. The even stranger part is I really don't feel any worse at 300 per say then 110.
I am with you...I test like a maniac , especially before I get behind the wheel. Today I had to run my son to the hospital..Felt fine but I checked and my sugar was 70..So, called ambulance for my son and had to eat before I left!!
I am relatively new to this whole life and I just recently got on my pity pot. I am feeling the same way. I don't want to get out of bed but then, I get scared thinking if I don't eat, my sugar will bottom out. SO, I drag my ■■■ out of bed and hope that today won't be a day of chasing sugars up/down. I was afraid of my husband getting fed up but I have to say, the one day, he saw me crying. Just sitting on the bed crying and I told him I just couldn't do it. He looked at me like I had 3 heads and said , "You can't do what? Live?" After that day, I suddenly realized that really those are my choices..Life or Death. Hey, if I get that much control, then I choose to live. I also have to say that my husband decided to live my life for one day. Naturally, he didn't make it past noon but he understood where I am coming from. I hope you feel better and I hope you find your inner strength. I don't know why we were given this life altering condition but apparently a higher power greater than us thinks WE can handle it. I know we are all destined for greatness and maybe this is our time to shine!!! Love, Peace and Broccoli--jujube
Let's see, I've suggested testing more and, elsewhere, abandoning cereal which I vaguely recall you mentioning you eat several times/ day.
With more data, we might be able to help you reduce your SD so you are not swinging. Just grabbing a few chips (depending on the year/ make/ model...) could easily crank you to 120 depending on the other factors involved but you don't usually spell out the whole scenario for us, only "my BG is 110 and I'm miserable". I get edgy at 110 sometimes to but I fix it. I don't want to tell you what to fix or not to fix without more information but I can only guess at a fix at this point and, for me, the place to start is by getting rates and ratios as close to "reality" as I can, by eating conservatively for a few days. Same input, same output, what happens to the BG from something moderate. If it's off, then figure out which insulin is off. Then, once the rates and ratios are "pegged", eat some cereal and see how it works. Maybe develop a new approach or whatever? It is a constant science experiment. Maybe Ginger Viera's book would help you conceptualize an approach that, even if the results were similar, would distract you enough that it wouldn't bug you so much? Running did that for me but not everyone is going to spend 3 years working out to get in shape for a 5K and then 4 more years after that, 3-4 times/ week, every week? If you think diabetes sucks, find something you hate more (like running?) and say "well, diabetes sucks but AT LEAST I'M NOT RUNNING!!" and be happy about that?
I absolutely agree. I am always floored when my doctor kind of hints that I'm testing too much -- and I'm not testing nearly as often as you to, AR, nor am I testing as much as I know I should. If you're exercising, eating, driving, etc. and injecting insulin (hello? then ten is a nice round number.
I know you like to joke around about this stuff to try and lighten bad scenario's up but this is really no joke. Just another example... If say I am at a fasting sugar of 95 which is around my threshold of too high and I eat a few chips or in essence anything that will increase my glucose within seconds I'll feel the spike and basically get all the symptoms of high sugar as I explained but If I were to take a shot of humalog before eating and wait a few minutes I usually won't feel anything disturbing. I would bet 90% of the people on this board if they took a random sugar that read 120mgdl would feel absolutely fine when I took one last week 2hrs post shot and meal and had all the typical symptoms I get of extreme high BS. I'm not trying to be a smart ■■■ but I have really yet to take a fasting glucose reading that has been post 100 where I don't feel physically and mentally disturbed. It's bad enough how awful I feel but at virtually being at numbers that basically within normal range is the icing on the cake. The more I read about hyperglycemia the contention is most people don't really start having symptoms until they are over 250 is baffling to me. Constant urination and dry mouth which are the most common symptoms of highs though annoying are not life altering symptoms. The stuff I get is and all it takes is being at the higher end of normal.
