I was diagnosed with Type I back in April of 1990. I was a freshman in high school at the time. Over the years, I’ve been on more types of insulin than I can count and at least four or five different insulin pumps. I also have insulin resistance, so I’m on metformin as well as insulin.
But lately, I’m just tired. Emotionally tired.
I’m tired of always fighting my blood sugar, of always fighting my insulin resistance. I’m tired of waking up in the middle of the night because my pump is alarming over something (highs, lows, sensor read issues, etc. etc.).
I’m tired. The day-to-day frustrations of diabetes have gotten to where some days I just sit there and fume whenever my insulin pump beeps at me for basically anything at all. And at least once or twice a month, diabetes and my fights with it will reduce me to tears. Because I’m just so sick of fighting this thing.
I’m emotionally worn out.
My Endocrinologist doesn’t really respond when I try to talk about how tired I am of this. I mean, that’s not his area of expertise and I get it. I’m scheduled to consult with a psychiatrist next month over possible ADHD, and I plan to bring this up with him as well, because I think it’s getting worse.
But am I the only one? I mean, I’ve read all kinds of great articles about diabetes management and living with diabetes, but I’ve never seen one that talks about how emotionally exhausting it is to fight against a chronic illness for almost 30 years.
If you’ve gone through phases like this, or are in such a phase now, how do you deal with it? What do you do to keep your spirits up and your stress down?