Ms. Ashua,
I grew up with a father trying to convince me of his faith. He is a jehovas witness. I was very close in getting baptised. Before I decided that I would go against his faith I wanted to read the Bible for there was one phrase from the new testament that always stuck with me to this day; ‘…seek the truth, and the truth only…’.
So I read the Bible complete with new and old testament but couldn’t really make up my mind because there is a lot of contradiction in the Christian Bible. So I read it again for my father’s sake and came to the conclusion that the Bible is fully up to interpretation by the individual that reads it. So I decided against it. Further more, a couple of years back I fell in love with a catholic girl and decided to marry her. She told me being a Christian requires me to become baptised too before we were able to get married. So for her sake I decided to do just that. I became a catholic just to find out that she loved another and was cheating on me even while we made plans for our future. I know catholism is not much different from what jehovas witness believe and that I would never truly believe in this Religion but my love to her was stronger only to find out that she deceived me. I hold no grudge against anyone that feels the need to believe in things that can’t be proven but looking into Islamic religious traditions as well as buddism, in fact most major religions in the world, I can safely say that I haven’t yet met one person that knows the truth about life. My determination for beating diabetes comes from to many downfalls in my life that showed me that achievement comes through effort not prayers. Unfortunately diabetes is stealing my energy. And im trying to find out how other people can cope with this genetic irregularity doctors call diabetes. I respect your as well as anyone elses believes and I hope you can see where I’m coming from. I am glad there are still brave souls like you out there that have something to hold on to and I want to thank you again for your kind and supportive words.
Love and light to you 
Pete7,
Wow, what you wrote is really deep. It sounds like there has been a lot of pain and disappointment in your life. It is truly difficult when we give our love to a person and they hurt us in return. 
I respect you for having been through circumstances such as you have and still believing in your ability to achieve.
Pete7, I really don’t know what to say to you about your experiences with God except this one thing. It sounds like you have had a lot of experiences with religion, not necessarily with God. God loves us…yes that includes you too! 
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave - Bible Gateway
Peace and blessings to you 
I agree with you Ms_Ashua. Religion can and will disappoint but God will not . I know even when I am in the pit (depression, terrible BG, or just a plain old pity party He is there to help. I depend on Him everyday. Some days are just really bad with diabetes but there is hope.
Hello Pete7 ~ I just wanted to revisit your post and ask how you are doing lately.
Hope all is well with you!
I have been wondering as well as your posts strike a chord.
Pete, how are you doing now? I feel like there is a cloud over me all the time, and I don’t take much joy in anything that happens in my life. Diabetes/being diabetic is my first thought in the morning and my last one at night since I was diagnosed 6 months ago. I hate, hate, hate it, and would like to know if you are feeling better and how it came about if you are. Sorry, don’t mean to sound selfish.
Type 1 is a ROYAL pain in the a$$, among other things, and its totally okay to be angry and upset about it.
Hi there,
I know exactly how you feel. This feeling has been with me ever since I got diagnosed. And it doesn’t seem to go away. I spoke to many people such as doctors, psychologists, dieticians, councillors, and so on, to figure out what to do about it. I keep getting the same answer from everyone .; "control your blood sugar levels and you’ll feel fine " which I did or a least tried. Not much has changed really. And I stopped looking for answers with people that only know an illness and it’s effect by what a book told them. And though I am still looking for a concrete resolution , there is one thing that helps me to keep my head where it belongs. Which is by focusing on myself and what I need to be happy. I used to be a very selfless person. Putting everone before myself. So this was very very difficult . I found this to be the key to keeping my glucose levels under control. You have to understand that your pancreas is what helps you get energy. But since your pancreas is hurt it is harder for your body to get energy. Even as little things as a thought, even an emotion needs energy. So with this in mind I figured that every action I undertake be it during the day or even deciding to rest needs to be controlled by a conscious decision. Since my pancreas doesn’t think on its own anymore I need to think for it. And this is the very root of the pain of being a diabetic . Having to make decisions that you in normal circumstances don’t have to do. It is a major pain in the hole. I am now doing everything I can to keep my bloods okay. I don’t really know what to tell you other then you are the center of your universe now. Which means that you need to be on the ball 24/7. And yes this sounds rediculiously insane.But don’t forget the two factors that give you control over your own life: good blood sugar levels; because you don’t want to get tired in an emergency, and you need to make the decision to be happy.
Also, You need to stay away from things that steal energy from you. Preserve energy where ever and when ever you can.
I hope this helps. I can write more. But unfortunately there is no simple solution yet. I’m hoping to organise a diabetes support center in this country soon. But a support centre run by diabetics not nurses and doctors because I think beside good glucose levels we also need good friends that understand us and what we are going through.
Hi, sorry for the late reply. My bloods came back. Doctor says everything seems normal. Vitamin and mineral levels are all normal. Thyroid is also okay. In fact the doctor say he rarely seen a diabetic with such good blood results. However he says ldl 's should be 2.5. Mine are currently 3.6 to prevent hardening of arteries. He prescribed me a medication called Rosuvaststin. I decided not to take them after doing some research, finding out that they can cause heart attacks in high dosages. Though my dosage is not high I decided against it. Found out a high dosage of vitamin c does the same and has no side effects. So I’m taking vitamin c now. Otherwise, I found out that a high metabolism keeps this awful nothingness in my head at bay. No Idea why. But I’m keeping a fast pace now through out the day. This includes a 5k run every second day and a circuit training almost every day.I do t know how long I can keep this up but iI’m tired of being tired. Sunday is generally my rest day. Been at it for almost 3 Mo th now. Will keep ye up to date.
Rosuvastatin - sorry typo
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have read your answer 3 times now, and every time see another point to ponder. I eat low carb and walk every day, snow, rain or shine. The outdoors seems to help as there are no distractions, no tv, no housework undone, etc. A support center run by other diabetics would be great, as I do have people who will listen to me, but I feel they don’t “get” me. And I do appreciate them too. There is only one other diabetic in my family, my older brother, and he and I have bonded stronger over this. He says I inspire him, when I don’t feel like I can hardly cope. Others in the family say we are being bad, or tell me I can’t eat something. Drives me nuts!! I tell them I can eat anything I want, I just choose not to. Thank you again. and please continue to write more as the mood strikes you.
Hey Pete,
My turn to apologize for such a late reply. I haven’t been able to get on the site for a while since life has finally caught up to me.
You sound better than when we last heard from you! Very glad your blood work came back so well, with the exception of the cholesterol. (That is normal for a diabetic though. When I was put on a “Statin” the doctor’s exact words were: “If I was normal, cholesterol would have been fine, but I’m not.”)
Yes! Please keep us up to date on how you are doing. Would love to hear!
Hi Pete,
I’m late to this conversation but what you describe sounds so much like what my son went through (also T1D), I felt I had to respond. He learned from a psychiatrist much of what you talk about with respect to a broken pancreas, i.e. T1D affects a lot more than just insulin including dopamine levels and neuropeptides. And with some trial and error, the correct regimen of anti-depressants can make a huge difference both physically and mentally.
I have type 1 diabetes, bipolar disorder 1, OCD, ADHD, anxiety. PTSD, Raynaud’s, prolonged QTC, hyperhidrosis, among some other things. I’m on 6 psychiatric meds, 2 diabetes meds. 2 cholesterol meds, and some over the counter stuff. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed I am doing medical stuff just to stay alive. I have no friends and girls won’t touch me because of my pump. The only thing that helps me is eating clean and working out. I work and live with family. I don’t think I could hold down a career. And I can’t do college. My therapist told me about a concept: radical acceptance. Just go with the flow and do what you can.
The sooner you understand that the reason “I have no friends and girls won’t touch me” isn’t because of your pump, the better. Others have tried to tell you this multiple times…
Then they must think I have something seriously wrong with me
agreed— frankly, nobody cares that you have a pump, not girls, not guys, not your bosses at work or teachers at school— pretty much just you. Like rgcainmd said, the sooner you come to that realization the better. That’s tough love.
If the pump really causes you this much insecurity (which it shouldn’t, because really most other people don’t even consider it) then just throw the thing in the trash and do MDI… It’s a perfectly viable option with modern insulins…
All of those people have expressed dislike for my pump in some way. The personal and rude questions about it gets old.
Then keep it hidden under your shirt, or do MDI, or afrezza, or something. Of all the many options you have, wallowing around in self pity convinced that the world hates you because you have an insulin pump is the very worst one-- by a landslide.
I see my endo on the 23rd. I’m going to do 4 shots a day with tresbia. Feeling like crap all day is well worth sparring me the humiliation of wearing a pump.